What Kind of Newspaper Are You Running? Pt. 2
Day 462, 18:43
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Hari Michaelson
---Letter From The Editor---
Due to a complete lack of popular demand, here is the next part of my media analysis.
- You-Can't-Stop-Me
Hari Michaelson
---
The Straight Talker
Description: Fairly straightforward, these papers generally try to report the goings on of the New World with accuracy and without bias. For the most part a large majority of papers fill this role for most of their existence. In summary: It's hard to write funny shit about these kinds of papers.
Exemplary Examples: It's hard to pick one in particular, but The Dystopian does a pretty good job of reporting actual events in the New World with a realistic and entertaining flair.
Your Allies: People who want to know what the hell's going on
Your Enemies: People who just read about the exact same event 5 times in a row
Remedy?: You don't really need one, but it couldn't hurt to try and seperate yourself from the pack. Try mixing in more humor, op-ed pieces, or pictures of scantily clad women. All of these techniques can give your paper a "boost" (Remember those thinly veiled dick jokes I mentioned last time?)
The Over-Eager
Description: Generally, every writer will put out at least one Over-Eager piece. The trick is to learn from it, and keep it from becoming a habit. An Over-Eager is characterized by a passionate diplay of beliefs, dramatic and emotional rhetoric, and a complete lack of knowledge regarding basic game mechanics, history, and/or practices.
Exemplary Examples: None, but you know one when you see one.
Your Allies: The people who agree that we "Should totally invade Austrailia"; Anyone who thinks that war should be avoided to "protect the innocent civilians"
Your Enemies: Anyone with a basic functioning knowledge of what's going on in eRep
Remedy?: Maybe you should hold off on that next article sport. Try and get a feeling for the New World before demanding to dismantle the government because it's "cramping our style".
The Helping-Hand
Description: A similair creature to the Over-Eager, the Helping Hand is usually written in an attempt to show n00bs the ropes, and by "the ropes" I mean "why this game totally doesn't suck".
Exemplary Examples: The Daily Noobs
Your Allies: n00bs; newbs; noobs; A firm understanding of game-related nuances that the average n00b wouldn't be aware of
Your Enemies: A severe lack of good advice; Anything that includes the phrase "stop training for a couple of days"; The fact that your articles will only be up for a couple of days at most
Remedy?: Unlike our Exemplary Example up there, most Helping Hands will only last for a single article, before moving on to something more along the lines of a Straight Talker. So while you may fancy yourself a shaper of young minds, the feeling will soon pass and you'll be back to arguing about taxes before you know it.
---
The Muckraker: If you were a subscriber, you would have learned to ignore us by now.
Due to a complete lack of popular demand, here is the next part of my media analysis.
- You-Can't-Stop-Me
Hari Michaelson
---
The Straight Talker
Description: Fairly straightforward, these papers generally try to report the goings on of the New World with accuracy and without bias. For the most part a large majority of papers fill this role for most of their existence. In summary: It's hard to write funny shit about these kinds of papers.
Exemplary Examples: It's hard to pick one in particular, but The Dystopian does a pretty good job of reporting actual events in the New World with a realistic and entertaining flair.
Your Allies: People who want to know what the hell's going on
Your Enemies: People who just read about the exact same event 5 times in a row
Remedy?: You don't really need one, but it couldn't hurt to try and seperate yourself from the pack. Try mixing in more humor, op-ed pieces, or pictures of scantily clad women. All of these techniques can give your paper a "boost" (Remember those thinly veiled dick jokes I mentioned last time?)
The Over-Eager
Description: Generally, every writer will put out at least one Over-Eager piece. The trick is to learn from it, and keep it from becoming a habit. An Over-Eager is characterized by a passionate diplay of beliefs, dramatic and emotional rhetoric, and a complete lack of knowledge regarding basic game mechanics, history, and/or practices.
Exemplary Examples: None, but you know one when you see one.
Your Allies: The people who agree that we "Should totally invade Austrailia"; Anyone who thinks that war should be avoided to "protect the innocent civilians"
Your Enemies: Anyone with a basic functioning knowledge of what's going on in eRep
Remedy?: Maybe you should hold off on that next article sport. Try and get a feeling for the New World before demanding to dismantle the government because it's "cramping our style".
The Helping-Hand
Description: A similair creature to the Over-Eager, the Helping Hand is usually written in an attempt to show n00bs the ropes, and by "the ropes" I mean "why this game totally doesn't suck".
Exemplary Examples: The Daily Noobs
Your Allies: n00bs; newbs; noobs; A firm understanding of game-related nuances that the average n00b wouldn't be aware of
Your Enemies: A severe lack of good advice; Anything that includes the phrase "stop training for a couple of days"; The fact that your articles will only be up for a couple of days at most
Remedy?: Unlike our Exemplary Example up there, most Helping Hands will only last for a single article, before moving on to something more along the lines of a Straight Talker. So while you may fancy yourself a shaper of young minds, the feeling will soon pass and you'll be back to arguing about taxes before you know it.
---
The Muckraker: If you were a subscriber, you would have learned to ignore us by now.
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Comments
But I like reading your crummy articles, and then putting them in the bird cage.
You should just skip the middle man and put them in there to start out with.
I would say that my newspaper is the illuminati.
Sometimes they tend to overlap. I actually have a final part I'll put up tomorrow.
My first article (now rightfully in the trash can) was very much of the over-eager sort XD.
My second article, still relatively fresh of the presses, probably could be considered over-eager, except it incorporates logic 😛.
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/imploring-the-citizens-of-emerica-740840/1/20
I think it's an article that many people need to see, but I unfortunately don't have the draw of other veteran writers 😒.
How about semi-satirical and semi-formal platforms?
I'd say it's a mix of a LOLer and a Straight Talker.
I guess I'll have to start working on my newspaper now. Dangit.
Awesome article!
I am running a very biased paper. 😃