What Kind of Newspaper Are You Running Pt. 1
Day 462, 11:04
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Hari Michaelson
---Letter From the Editor---
I've been trying to get this article out, but it looks like it's too big. I'll post what I can now, and if you people like it I'll post the rest.
- Heres-Hoping
Hari Michaelson
---
I've decided to take a break from more serious foriegn reporting to bring you something completely devoid of value or merit. Enjoy figuring out which category your paper belongs to!
The Illuminati
Description: These are the papers written by the veteran players, the Congressmen, Presidents, War Heroes and economic masterminds. Essentially anything written will get voted up, so if you need a quick refresher go check the top ranked stories listing.
Exemplary Examples: The Patriot's Ramblings, American Free Press, The Jewitt Report
Your Allies: All the people loudly agreeing with you
Your Enemies: All the people loudly disagreeing with you
Remedy?: You don't really need one, you're well on your way to Media Mogul status. But if you're reading this and you are looking for serious advice, it might just be a fluke.
The LOLer
Description: These papers are in it for the laughs. Generally full of satire, wit, and somtimes thinly veiled dick jokes, a good LOLer can make us laugh the whole time, while a bad one just makes us feel bloated and pissed.
Exemplary Examples: The Picayune
Your Allies: Anyone with a sense of humor
Your Enemies: People who wouldn't understand satire or sarcasm if it bit them in the face. Which would be frightening when you consider the idea of comedic literary techniques attacking people.
Remedy?: If you're a good one, you don't need one. If you find that your "LOLSILLY" articles generally result in your subscribers killing themselves, you might want to rexamine your comedic stylings. Oh, and the amount of times you say "lol" in your article is inversely proportional to how funny it actually is.
The YOUR DIGNITY HERE
hi guyz i totally bet my frin $$ that i could be 1000 subscrybers in 12 days, so PLZ VOTE UP AND SUBSCRIBE LOL!! O and if u vote and sub and comment i'll send u a dollar!
Fo reals!
---
That's all for now, anymore and my article blanks out.
---
The Muckraker: We don't want to punch this nun, but we will if you don't subscribe.
I've been trying to get this article out, but it looks like it's too big. I'll post what I can now, and if you people like it I'll post the rest.
- Heres-Hoping
Hari Michaelson
---
I've decided to take a break from more serious foriegn reporting to bring you something completely devoid of value or merit. Enjoy figuring out which category your paper belongs to!
The Illuminati
Description: These are the papers written by the veteran players, the Congressmen, Presidents, War Heroes and economic masterminds. Essentially anything written will get voted up, so if you need a quick refresher go check the top ranked stories listing.
Exemplary Examples: The Patriot's Ramblings, American Free Press, The Jewitt Report
Your Allies: All the people loudly agreeing with you
Your Enemies: All the people loudly disagreeing with you
Remedy?: You don't really need one, you're well on your way to Media Mogul status. But if you're reading this and you are looking for serious advice, it might just be a fluke.
The LOLer
Description: These papers are in it for the laughs. Generally full of satire, wit, and somtimes thinly veiled dick jokes, a good LOLer can make us laugh the whole time, while a bad one just makes us feel bloated and pissed.
Exemplary Examples: The Picayune
Your Allies: Anyone with a sense of humor
Your Enemies: People who wouldn't understand satire or sarcasm if it bit them in the face. Which would be frightening when you consider the idea of comedic literary techniques attacking people.
Remedy?: If you're a good one, you don't need one. If you find that your "LOLSILLY" articles generally result in your subscribers killing themselves, you might want to rexamine your comedic stylings. Oh, and the amount of times you say "lol" in your article is inversely proportional to how funny it actually is.
The YOUR DIGNITY HERE
hi guyz i totally bet my frin $$ that i could be 1000 subscrybers in 12 days, so PLZ VOTE UP AND SUBSCRIBE LOL!! O and if u vote and sub and comment i'll send u a dollar!
Fo reals!
---
That's all for now, anymore and my article blanks out.
---
The Muckraker: We don't want to punch this nun, but we will if you don't subscribe.
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Comments
First! I can't wait for part 2!
HEHE, nice.
I think you're going to owe your friend some money.
Thanks for the props, Hari.
@Harlot: I think we all know I don't have friends.
@Jythier: That's how I "roll".
This is awesome.
Be sure to check out the second third of this little analysis.