Welcome [Your Name Here]!
Day 471, 17:06
•
Published in USA 
•
by
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by Hari Michaelson
---Letter From The Editor---
I haven't put up any good articles lately. I can feel my place in the national rankings eroding beneath me.
Action must be taken.
- Editor-on-the-Edge
Lieutenant Hari Michaelson
Commanding Officer
National Guard 2nd Division, 5th Platoon
---
Hello Pvt. [Your Name Here] ! Welcome to the eUS National Guard!
We here congratulate the fact that you have [enlisted/stumbled into a recruiting office/"enlisted"]. The [pride/love/huh?] that you have for your [country/avatar/huh?] is a shining example to [us all/none of us/huh?]
We know the New World can be confusing for a [n00b/newb/n00ewb] such as yourself, but believe me when I say that we will be there to [help/ignore/punch] you every step of the way. Every week we will provide you with [training/lolipops/beatings] to help you learn how to be an effective [soldier/citizen/inactive] when it comes to [battle/survival/wasting your XCO's time when updating spreadsheets].
It's not all [fun and games/pain and torture/lolipops and beatings] here though. You must make sure to take care of your daily duties, which include training, working, and [eating/yelling about taxes/suscribe for moneys!1!].
Of course, if you can take care of these duties, you could soon find yourself the subject of a [promotion/eMassage/Gold scam], where you will being to learn more about the duties and responsibilities that officers must take care of, including [Platoon leadership/updating spreadsheets/mass PMs/all of the above].
So welcome, and [enjoy your stay/stay active/huh?]!
---
In all seriousness folks, join the National Guard. It's really the first step to figuring things out.
Join here.
---
The Muckraker: Clap if you like this article. Now feel ashamed for clapping at your computer.
I haven't put up any good articles lately. I can feel my place in the national rankings eroding beneath me.
Action must be taken.
- Editor-on-the-Edge
Lieutenant Hari Michaelson
Commanding Officer
National Guard 2nd Division, 5th Platoon
---
Hello Pvt. [Your Name Here] ! Welcome to the eUS National Guard!
We here congratulate the fact that you have [enlisted/stumbled into a recruiting office/"enlisted"]. The [pride/love/huh?] that you have for your [country/avatar/huh?] is a shining example to [us all/none of us/huh?]
We know the New World can be confusing for a [n00b/newb/n00ewb] such as yourself, but believe me when I say that we will be there to [help/ignore/punch] you every step of the way. Every week we will provide you with [training/lolipops/beatings] to help you learn how to be an effective [soldier/citizen/inactive] when it comes to [battle/survival/wasting your XCO's time when updating spreadsheets].
It's not all [fun and games/pain and torture/lolipops and beatings] here though. You must make sure to take care of your daily duties, which include training, working, and [eating/yelling about taxes/suscribe for moneys!1!].
Of course, if you can take care of these duties, you could soon find yourself the subject of a [promotion/eMassage/Gold scam], where you will being to learn more about the duties and responsibilities that officers must take care of, including [Platoon leadership/updating spreadsheets/mass PMs/all of the above].
So welcome, and [enjoy your stay/stay active/huh?]!
---
In all seriousness folks, join the National Guard. It's really the first step to figuring things out.
Join here.
---
The Muckraker: Clap if you like this article. Now feel ashamed for clapping at your computer.
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Comments
The newspaper parser does not like the long "gets" after a "?". I typically make a simple htm on my server and then have it redirect to the Google Doc. I think you can do something similar with TinyUrls located at http://www.tiny.cc/
*clap*
Ah, thanks a million moishe!
I've been trying to figure out the little tricks to dealing with the articles.
Also if you edit your image using something like Photoshop and make it square (add some whitespace where necessary) it won't cut it off. The newspaper script makes the image square using the smallest dimension.
I figured as such, but I kind of like it the way it is.
/me clap 🙂
The joke's on you. Only one of my hands is clapping.
How Buddhist of you Jythier.