UKPP PTO, The Real Spamicans in the dock...

Day 1,956, 08:51 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Horice G Fossil

After the PTO of the UKPP, The Real Spamicans are accused of orchestrating it...

Mr H.G. Fossil, you heard the case for the prosecution against your so called political
party, The Real Spamicans. Is there anything you wish to say before I pass sentence?

Well... I'd just like to say, m'lud, I've got a family... a Party and fourteen members still
at home... and I hope very much you don't have to take away my freedom... because...
well, because m'lud freedom is a state much prized within the realm of civilized society.
It is a bondwherewith the savage man may charm the outward hatchments of his soul,
and soothe the troubled breast into a magnitude of quiet. It is most precious as a blessed
balm, the saviour of princes, the harbinger of happiness, yea, the very stuff and pith of all
we hold most dear. What frees the prisoner in his lonely cell, chained within the bondage
of rude walls, far from the owl of Thebes? What fires and stirs the woodcock in his springe
or wakes the drowsy apricot betides? What goddess doth the storm toss'd mariner offer
her most tempestuous prayers to? Freedom! Freedom Freeeeeeeeeedom!!

It's only a bloody suspected PTO offence, it's not like we think you're a Goku Jones multi!

I'm sorry m'lud but not being Goku Jones was going to be our main line of defence.
Not to worry! I'll just make it up as we go along. My first witness will be Captain
Horatio Chazbeard. I'm sorry m'lud but he will have to appear via a video link as his
restraining order means he can't be within 2 miles of the defendant Mr H.G. Fossil.

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so anyway, I said to
Horice, I said, they can't afford that on what he earns, I mean for a start the feathers get
up your nose, I ask you, four and six a pound, and him with a wooden leg, I don't know how
Dan puts up with it after all the trouble she's had with her you-know-what, anyway it
was a white wedding much to everyone's surprise, of course they bought everything on
the hire purchase, I think they ought to send them back where they came from, I mean
you've got to be cruel to be kind so the 'EVIL' Keer said, so she said, she said,
the dead crab she said, she said. Well, her sister's gone to Russia what with her
womb and all, and her youngest, mwcerberus, as thin as a filing cabinet, and the goldfish,
the goldfish they've got whooping cough they keep spitting water all over their Bratbys,
well, they do don't they, I mean you can't, can you, I mean they're not even married
or anything, they're not even divorced, and he's in the TUP if you ask me, he says
he's a tree surgeon but I don't like the sound of his liver, all that squeaking and
banging every night till the small hours, his mother's been much better since she had
her head off, yes she has, I said, don't you talk to me about bladders, I said...

I really fail to see the relevance of your last witness, he seems rather unhinged?

My next witness will explain that if m'ludship will allow. I call the late Bob Boblo.

Did you just say the late Bob Boblo..err..was that a knock coming from the coffin?

It means 'yes' m'lud. One knock for 'yes', and two knocks for 'no'. If I may continue?
Mr Boblo, would it be fair to say that you are not at all well? In fact Mr Boblo, not to
put too fine a point on it, would you be prepared to say that you are, as it were, what is
generally known as, in a manner of speaking, 'dead'? Mr Boblo I put it to you that you are
dead. All will become apparent in one moment m'lud. Mr Boblo are you considering
the question or are you just dead? No further questions m'lud. But I think I've proved
that there are no easy answers in this case m'lud, and the questions are also a bugger!

What do you mean, no further questions? You can't just dump a dead body in my court
and say 'no further questions'. I demand an explanation, where is all this leading us?
I think you haven't got the slightest idea what this case is about, are you quiet sane?

M'lud the strange, damnable, almost diabolic threads of this extraordinary tangled
web of intrigue will shortly m'lud reveal a plot so fiendish, so infernal, so heinous that
only one man, and one party, could be behind it. I call my final witness, call the 'EVIL'
Keers. I'm afraid I need to take my fig rolls so my colleague will continue for me.

Ah so you are the infamous 'EVIL' Keers, would it be fair to say that you not only built
up TUP, the most evil party in the eUK, but also perpetuated the Dionist/Boblism religious
schism in Europe? Is it also true that you head the violent and much feared TUP family,
and that you direct the activities of your notorious henchmen Talon 'the baby crusher'
Karrde and Dan Moir as they spread fear through the regions of the eUK! Now, and I want
you to think carefully before you answer this, have you heard about the UKPP PTO?



Case dismissed!


I hope that clears everything up, we'll have no more talk of Spamicans PTOing the UKPP!

Horice 🙂