Stassi for eNorway Congress! [95% EN]+[5% NO]
Ailurus fulgens
Hallo, alle sammen!
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is hX.Stassi, also known as Andreas Stassivik, and I am a proud eNorwegian citizen who desires great things for our country and has until now, remained moderately obscure. Fear not, all will be explained!
History
From my eRepublik conception on Day 548, I lived in Ostlandet (literally, land of cheese) and worked happily in the manufacturing industry. As time went on, I began to explore more aspects of the game such as kicking ass for Norway by fighting PEACE in the wars around the world. Around this time I was introduced to Maximilia, a six-term congresswoman from Teknokratene. She was very helpful and friendly and sparked my initial interests in eNorwegian politics. Regrettably she recently stepped down from congress, and I decided that I would like to continue the good deeds she did for our country as a Technocrat and hope she will one day return.
Recently I have been active in #eNorge on IRC getting to know the leaders of our country and various political parties, and spending way more time obsessing about eRepublik than should be healthy.
My impressive war record
In the last few months we saw an attack from PEACE GC against the forces of EDEN (which Norway is a member of) and the near-total annihilation of our allies eUSA and eCanada. It was brutal. While they were all preoccupied in the Western Hemisphere our special military forces in the FSK attacked Northern eRussia, accidentally capturing it and invoking the wrath of millions of drunken, angry communists. Subsequently, eRussia invaded Norway, and Finland and Sweden helped us trade around some territory until we were all living with the knife-fighting Finns. I enjoyed my stay in Finland as well as the stellar medical treatment I received as a frequently injured soldier.
At some point those limey morons in eUK tried to muster an invasion force to take over our country while we were busy fending off the Russians, but we crushed them effortlessly. It was so easy to defeat them, in fact, that the only possible reason they underestimated us was because the last time they remember fighting us was when Eric Bloodaxe and his vikings invaded them 1000 years ago.
During my military career as an eNorwegian (and briefly eFinnish) soldier, I have been promoted to the officer rank of Colonel. I have fought in literally hundreds of battles without ever dying, and I have kicked my fair share of PEACE asses.
Anyway, as you can clearly see, eNorway is a functional nation once more and our government has been re-established under President Reboot. New political parties have sprung up, including a political takeover from some cowardly PEACE sympathizers, but I feel my true calling is with Teknokratene.
What I offer eNorway
During my first term running as congressman, here is what I have to offer:
- Genuine concern about domestic issues, since I live here too
- Unique EngNorsk commentary (reminiscent of The Julekalendar)
- Impressive war stories about how much ass I have kicked
- Seething hatred towards our enemies in PEACE
- Extensive computer knowledge regarding Windows XP and the Office suite
- Rich dialogue with foreign English-speaking nations
- A pimped-out avatar of an adorable Red Panda
Even more reasons
- I am really strong and can move large furniture
- I am actually Norwegian
- Like you, I am a master of using Google Translate
- Eg snakkar nynosk, vekkju
- I have hot pics of Eris Caelestis and her phone number
Summary
"Jeg er en norsk-amerikansk hybrid. Jeg har utseendet og kulturelle opplevelser av å være norsk i tillegg til de kvaliteter som gjør meg en amerikansk actionhelt." - fra IRC-konvo med Reboot
You deserve the right to know what I am about, Norge. Let me just tell you that this is the tip of the iceberg, and with me in congress you can expect a lot more from our government. I am both the action and loving our government needs. <3
Comments
En av de beste presentasjonene/artiklene jeg har sett på lenge, lykke til 🙂
PS: How large furniture can you actually move?
@heivoll: Tusen takk! The largest piece of furniture I can move would be http://www.ikeafurniture.info/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/ikea-sofa-300x300.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.ikeafurniture.info/wp-content[..]0.jpg ...not the entire sofa, but I could definitely tip it on its side and push it around a well-greased floor. Thanks for the constructive dialogue. Please feel free to ask me anything!
@Eris: 😉
Epic presentation! 🙂
Lykke til i valget!
lykke til🙂
lol "I could definitely tip it on its side and push it around a well-greased floor. Thanks for the constructive dialogue." Constructive indeed.
You clearly took that picture straight from my profile! I feel so exploited 😛
Brilliantly written, as usual. lykke til!
One more question, how did the floor get greased in the first place?
"One more question, how did the floor get greased in the first place?"
Lots and lots of butter.
Oh, didn't see your reply there. That's pretty large furniture indeed, buttered floor or not. Guess that's why you're more or less guaranteed a place in congress at the time of writing. I have no further questions right now.
"Unique EngNorsk commentary (reminiscent of The Julekalendar)"
I believe the correct term is "Norwenglish" haha.
And how have you fought so many battles without dying!? 😛
That is a good question we shall be sure to address next month when I repost the exact same article.