Special Edition

Day 858, 08:26 • Published in Switzerland USA • by Penguin4512

Regarding the Swiss Primaries, Congressional Elections, Olympics, and whatever else I can think of...

Table of Contents:
1) Congressional Elections
2) Swiss Primaries
3) The eOlympics
4) Snapshot of Switzerland
5) The Mounting Conspiracy

So now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the article!


The Congressional Elections:
For those of you who have been taking a nap for the last several days, the outcome of the Congressional Elections was bittersweet.

The Shaolins, who held all their votes until their last minute, and flew in voters from Russia, were able to attain a majority. However, due to actions from loyal Swiss all around, the Shaolins were unable to get a super majority like last time.


Penguins all across the world celebrate the news

What does this mean? It means that the Shaolin voting machine cannot impeach our president like last time. Now, democracy will have a second chance.

I'd also like to present my personal congratulations to Wazamaza, Party President of the Swiss Freedom Party. Wazamaza has taken a declining party, and breathed life into it. Without you, the Shaolins might still completely rule our congress.


Penguins cheer for Wazamaza

The Swiss Primaries:
Once again, the Swiss Primaries will be held in order to select a candidate to represent the Swiss people.

Anyone can run, as long as they have Swiss citizenship, are not currently living in Russia, and have been scanned by our brainslug detector.

The Primaries will be held on Paul Proteus's newspaper. I expect to see you all there!


Penguins marching in to campaign for the Swiss

The Olympics
We have unofficial reports that the next eOlympics will be in nothing other than SWITZERLAND!


Many Swiss patriots have worked hard to ensure that the eOlympics would be held in Switzerland. I'd like to give a special thanks to Paul Proteus and JNArno.

So what can we do to repay these hardworking patriots? You can sign up to represent Switzerland in the Olympics!

If you are having financial troubles, or simply don't want to pay the 0.5 gold entrance fee, contact me!

Snapshot of Switzerlan😛

Or rather, the area outside Switzerland. Anyone taken a look at the world map recently?


Em... why is Hungary over there?

The reason the world map is so screwed up, dear readers, is because of the battle at Rhone Alps (directly east south west of us). It was a battle between the two super-alliances, EDEN and Phoenix.

The battle scarred all of the surrounding countryside, except for the beautiful landscapes of Switzerland.


In the midst of political civil war, Switzerland is untouched by outside influences

By the way, the winner of the battle at Rhone Alps was EDEN, the alliance which also helped to liberate us about a year ago.

Good luck to all!

The Mounting Conspiracy:



And no, it might not even be the Shaolins this time.
What am I talking about? Take a look at the citizenships of Switzerland in the last few days.


I was astonished. If this is how the Shaolins make multies , they're pretty good at it. 200 in one day!
But there's one thing that's not right about this. If the Shaolins were really making multies, then why wouldn't the amount of residents in Switzerland go up either?


As you can see, there was no gigantic spike like in the other graph. So what does this mean? Are the Shaolins making multies, and then for some reason moving them to other countries? Or is there a far more sinister power lurking behind us?

I leave you with that thought, loyal readers. And now for some ice cream.