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In another week or brutal violence, The Keers Youth, the youth wing of The Unity Party and with close links with the shadowy People’s Militia organisation, continued its merciless onslaught against those determined to defend individual freedom. The Real Spamicans, an organisation dedicated to keeping the name of our very own Bob Boblo in the hearts and minds of the population. But under the jackboot of fascism comes a new doctrine, that of the foreigner Dio Brando, a mystical figure supposedly made of sand. Don’t know about you, but the only time I encountered sand was on trips to wet and miserable seaside towns in the North of England, and spent my entire time in the arcades wasting all my money.



Boblo, once a great spammer and freedom fighter for freedom of expression has been ruthlessly betrayed by those who now align themselves with his former party. The vicious attack dogs of Keers seem intent on destroying what precious little remains of culture in this country, in an attempt to bring the more free spirited individuals within the UK under their tight control. However, it does not end here.



We are getting in reports of resistance for the regime being crushed brutally. AltmerVampire, who recently dared to stand against Karacticus in the presidential elections has mysteriously disappeared from public life and has been replaced by a Unity Party member. His whereabouts are as such unknown, but he is rumoured to be in a gulag in Deep South Wales, one of many that have sprung up under the new administration. Meanwhile, a relaxed border control means that a huge surge of sheep are migrating across the rest of the isle. Pub owners, having been hit hard by the financial crisis, decided to move in and capitalise on this migration, by offering discounted mutton in an attempt to revive trade and bring in customers, new and old. However, the Prime Minister has banned mutton sales, calling sheep comrades and naming them as a vital part in the War of Terror. Subsequent fire bombings of local pubs were carried out across the country by various extremist groups.



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Now we try to be neutral best we can, so we have an interview with the man himself, Iain Keers:



IndieKid: 1) When did you first seize power within the Unity Party?

Iain_Keers: that's a bit biased ¬_¬
Iain_Keers: i didn't seize power, i won it fairly
Iain_Keers: it was in february 2009

IndieKid: fair enough

Iain_Keers:Malta_1990 was sick with pneumonia and I took over the running of the party and then won the election in march

IndieKid: 2) How did you move to first eliminate opposition from within your own party and then from the wider political community?

Iain_Keers: for question 2...
Iain_Keers: erm
Iain_Keers:I didn't really need to eliminate opposition in TUP, since most of the moderates in the party quit to form LSD shortly after I was elected.After that I wrote the constitution defining us as a socialist party, and the new wave of people who joined supported either me or John Forseti. After that my main goal was to make TUP into the opposition party. To do this I didn't want to crush opposition, I wanted to generate it. By taking control of the topic of debate in public discussion I made TUP into the main vehicle of debate, defining the debate. Other parties, especially the UKRP, were forced to defend and appear reactionary.

IndieKid: 3) Can you speak Welsh?

Iain_Keers: lol

IndieKid: yes/no

Iain_Keers: no

IndieKid: 4) So do you speak through a translator, or do you just assume you know the will of our divine leader and act upon your interpretation?

Iain_Keers:I tend to make sure he has plenty of wool products and then just do my own thing

IndieKid: cool
IndieKid: So you can confirm your government is not wasting tax payers money on English lessons?

Iain_Keers:UK's Finest has kindly offered to give basic english lessons for free

IndieKid: 5) At what point did it become apparent to you that violence and physical intimidation was more effective that honest politican gains?Reports have been flooding in about the Keers Youth being particularly aggressive

Iain_Keers:After the war we decided having lots of soldiers doing nothing was wasteful. Sadly we lost many members during the great patriotic war, TUP Stormtroopers being the most highly trained troops they were left behind as a rearguard

IndieKid: Understandable, obviously

IndieKid: What is your position on Bobloism, considering Bob Boblo was an iconic figure in the People's Communist Party, a movement that is part of the wider UK-Left coalition?

Iain_Keers:Bobloism is an interesting cult, but it doesn't have the wider theological depth to qualify as a religion. I'd advise all faithful citizens to praise Dio.



IndieKid: that gif is p epic, I must admit
IndieKid: Anyway, we're going to end the interview there. However, I'd just like to say I am hurt by your comments about my party being weasels. I have always disliked weasels, ever since they took over toad hall in the cartoon of Wind in the Willows that I owned on Video. Thank you for your time.

Iain_Keers: no problem, i believe that the comparison is an apt one.

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I thank you for taking the time to read this article, soon we will be reporting straight from the heart of a Welsh gulag, reporting on conditions and bringing you the latest on tyranny and justice within the United Kingdom.

God Save the Queen,
IndieKid

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