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She often likes to ask herself, why am I so sad in life, why does everything have no meaning to me, why am I always looking through the window, is it a search for a divine place where all my worries will vanish away and my mind will be free? "Free of all worries that I'm part of something, free of all obligations that I must do, things that I'm required to do." That could well be the case, but that still doesn't explain her relation to money. Although she may have enough of it, she thinks of it just as an obstacle that prevents her to share the same opinion about things that other do, she likes to state she would much rather live a simple simple of a girl, where money would just be regarded as a thing that most of other believe is their goal in life, it never was an never will be for her in life, maybe in the next life, but who can tell what we will be there, she kept saying. Saying the feelings that she believed were all her own, thoughts that she could not let go off. Even though she was a happy gal on the outside, her inside was filled with riddles and questions that never had an answer to them. Oh, the beauty of life is a curse to others and that's exactly what she experienced.

Her first experience with sadness came when she was in a place that was supposedly meant to make her happy, loads of people that she adored, but later on she felt disappointed – she was outtricked into thinking that it's the right way. She loves to love, she loves to have fun, but she hates to express her feeling out loud, she hates to give the feeling that someone is important to her, she just feels that individual will forget her and won't bother with her. But she never asks herself if that's really the right to think or to believe. Others love her, she just isn't aware of it and she keeps blaming herself for every little thing, being sad all the time won't solve things, other kept saying that to her. But herself being often moody, she just wouldn't listen and kept doing the same old foolish things as she used to do before. The story itself then continues when she meet her first love, someone who was meant to change her life on better, but the disappointment reemerged yet again. Possibly the first experience was quite good or at least her personal feeling was he will always be there for her, she was wrong. In her most dire moments, when she even thought of suicide but hadn't had the courage to do it, he wasn't there. He was simply ignoring her and making her feel more or less worthless. Defining it that she was depressed would be the right statement. She did get the feeling that talking to people might help, talking to the ones that she felt close to, it did in some way... But again, same old story repeats itself, being afraid to bother others with your own troubles, she had problems of opening up, making friends was never a problem to her, but sharing the crucial thoughts with others was, as she liked to express herself. In some way it was just a belief that others will never take care for her and that she must take care for others, share some happiness with them, make yourself happy doing that. It did work for a short period of time, but then problems arose yet again.

She's a good girl, full of sadness though, she loves others around herself, she loves her boyfriend, but does not know how to share her feelings with others. It may be the hardest thing known to an individual, but once you let go, it feels like the best drug you ever took, those were her own words when she decided to tell all she had on her soul to a friend she met on an internet chat. Some would say that cannot refer to a real experience, others would say that is phony, but why? She saved her own life by listening to herself, by being friendly to the ones she liked and sharing her love of life to others. It made her at first a bit unsecure if that's the right way – it was, as funny as it may sound. She was pleased with herself, pleased with the way things turned out and the point of life returned.

If the past was filled with alcohol and rude thoughts about her from others, the present was filled with all the nicest words possible to a girl. It's just a sign that she was able to turn her life from absolute shit to absolute beauty place. She never gave up, she kept thinking that things will and did get better. If alcohol used to be the cure, this time a simple conversation solved things that alcohol couldn't in many years. The only shame is she wasn't aware of the whole meaning of things, only with time could she get the feeling what she had achieved and the mistake of just being a »solo« thinker in this world. Never again, she said to herself, will I do it. Talking to others makes me feel blessed and God is beside me, thank him as well.

She had sadness in her eyes from the moment I met her, she was although always very friendly and kind to everyone she knew, she made friends everywhere with just simple thoughts of care that others might not share to each other. She made things turn around the way they were always meant to, for people to change their selfish views and decide to help each other. Her final recognition of why sharing is important came when she visited an Asian country and saw only suffering, there was simply no beauty in that, people were dying in front of her and they couldn't do anything. It made her feel powerless to change the world, but it didn't make her give up on thinking that changes are possible. If you in your mind change the way you look on things, things will slowly begin to influence others and that's her look on life, in some way I wouldn't be mistaken if I said that's her point of living. Helping others and be remembered for it. She might as well be called Mother Theresa.

This story does not refer to a specific person.

Howly