Oh Feck, He's Back!

Day 1,916, 10:11 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Horice G Fossil



"As you may have read, in the Muck Raker, I have been away for a few days dealing
with the Catholic church. They've been taking things too seriuosly for way too long!"


"Upon my return you can imagine my shock to discover, that while my back was
turned, the 'EVIL' Keers had re-entered the eUK. Now nobody was expecting that!"


"NOBODY expects the 'EVIL' Keers! My chief weapon is surprise!... Surprise and fear...
fear and surprise... My two weapons are fear and surprise... and relentless article
writing! My three weapons are fear, and surprise, and relentless article writing... and an
almost fanatical devotion to the TUP... My four... no... Amongst my weapons... Hmf...
Amongst my weaponry... are such elements as fear, surpr... I'll come in again."


"Why do you say Keer is 'EVIL' I hear you ask. Well one day, I was sitting at home,
threatening the UKPP, when this tank drives up. One of Keer's TUP boys gets out
all nice and friendly like, and says Keers wants to have a talk with me. So, he
chains me to the back of the tank, and takes me for a scrape round to TUP HQ."


"Keers is there in the conversation pit with Dan Moir, Talon Karrde the Baby Crusher,
a couple of global moderators and a fellow called Skibbler who just sits there,
biting the heads off whippets. And Keers says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy,
Goku', and he splits my nostrils open, saws my leg off and pulls my liver out. And I
says, 'My name's not Goku', and then he loses his temper and nails my head to the floor."



"NOBODY expects the 'EVIL' Keers!... Amongst my weaponry are such diverse
elements as: fear, surprise, relentless article writing, an almost fanatical
devotion to the TUP, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!"


"Oh for feck sake Iain, can't you just for once walk into a room without making a
fecking song and dance about it! Come and help me clobber Goku until he goes away."


"Sorry Dan old man, but it's not all fun being 'EVIL' and TUP PP?! No, it's not!
It's dull! Dull, dull, my God it's dull! It's so dull and tedious and stuffy and boring
and desperately dull! So I have to try and find different ways of making my life just a
little more interesting. But bashing Goku with wooden mallets does sound fun!"


"Oh it is Iain, it is! We here at TUP recruitment like nothing better than a day in
the conversation pit hammering away at eUK citizens until they decide to join us"


"I say chaps, this is my fecking article! You've made me completely lose my train
of thought now! Bugger it, I can't be arsed, I'm off to the pub for a pint...

Horice