Jumping On The Bandwagon

Day 1,104, 15:35 • Published in USA USA • by logan Dunleavy
Hello my sweet Amurika, it's been too long. Would you like some sweet, sexy music


As many of you know this coming presidential election has brought out many candidates. Some from the closet, others from the Bat-cave. Yes this election seems like it will bring about a cross roads in Amurikan history. Or simply fail in a manner so epic it might just become a win and everything turns out to be ok in the end. Or perhaps this election will open up a black hole in the center of the country and destroy the nations corn crop. All rambling aside this election is shaping up to be a p cool guy.

Today I, logan "Gaius Coolsauce" Dunleavy come to you the Amurikan public with an historic and ground breaking announcement. I would like to announce that I am running for the title of President of the eUnited States of America. That's right I have come to destroy the International Communist conspiracy and bring about an era of glorious triumph and victory for this my beloved nation.

(Most likely your reaction when reading the above paragraph)

One might ask, but logan what makes you qualified to run for POTUS. Well, I've been in Congress a bunch of times (like 8 or something). I have also served as ambassador to eIreland from the eUS. I has served as ambassador to the eUS from eSingapore for months in a row, I have been Minister of Defense of eSingapore and a bunch of other stuff. I'm more than qualified to lead this steam train of a nation right off a bri...err. I mean glorious victory will come comrads.

My stance on the issues:
Taxes: Raise them then lower them for maximum trolling
War: Invade France and North Korea for what they did to us in the great war of 1909
Fascism: Is a cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything.
War again: Invade Mexico but with a cooler operation name, like Screaming Eagle Freedom Thunder

I would now like to introduce my Vice President. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you Joe Bid-...Newton! That's right I have got Joe to sign onto my ticket. This guy is the bees knees. He's a former eUS vice president already. He was a spy, member of the Airborne, Mexican PTOer and CIA spai who got in da blu base.