JP's Bizarre Adventure [Part 1]

Day 894, 01:36 • Published in USA Pakistan • by Joshua Patterson

eRepublik began normal as it always does, I worked for low wages, I trained with Napoleon since I’M HARD LIKE THAT, and GLaDOS was SO drunk and was telling everyone about it. The newfags were frolicking with their usual hurr faces and there was a notorious amount of DAT ASS in my in-game ad sections.

Surly everything was normal, yet, something felt off. Something that I had gotten so used to that I didn't even notice it anymore. I immediately noticed that I couldn’t hear the usual, so I began searching for Krems and GF. There was a serious lack of “u’s” and “arses” in common sentences and I had gotten so used to the butchering of English that I forgot they were here sometimes. Looking in their usual hot spots, gay bars, all the local schools, and GF's house since Krems stayed there on weekends. Also, Onishi was with me.

After searching the locations, we decided to head back to the Midnight Channel, the name of the S.E.E.S. Clubhouse (no girls allowed ofc). Devon greeted us at the door with his cute little freckles but we ignored him since we had to find Krems and GF. We continued into the central room where Raepdog lay in the corner, passed out from all the women he had his way with.

"Tough being Raepdog." I thought to myself.

As I went to look around the clubhouse, I noticed something odd about Raepdog. Not so much Raepdog, but the wall nearest to him. I noticed a serious crack and then the faint sound of music finally set in, the most homo erotic music I have ever heard. I quickly shuffled towards the crack, pushing Raepdog out of the way since he wasn't conscious with his head about to the hit floor before Onishi grabbed it and slowly laid his head onto the cold floor, his body flinching before falling back into it's limp position.


AMERICAN HERO

I tried to look through the crack before trying to knock it down but that music was driving me insane, so I kicked the wall to hopefully save me time and watched as it crumbled into a white powdery dust. After the dust had disappeared, I couldn't believe what I had just uncovered. I quickly told Devon to leave the room, his innocence could have never taken this. There lay Krems and GF, fully nude and completely dead, blood surrounding their bodies with that music being played on a TV at the far edge of the room. I could tell this was Krems and GF’s private room due to all the Brit stuff on the walls, Harry Potter and the like. I looked at Onishi's face and it seemed unchanged, almost unphased, but then again, he has seen a lot of dead naked men in his time.

I quickly covered the bodies and I found Krems' notebook lying next to him. As I flipped through the pages, I came to the final page which had the beginning of "Long" with scribbles following it. Blood was below the writings and a "~*😁*~ Krems is kuwaii - GF" was written on the page after it. I moved toward Onishi and said to him,

"Who do you think Krems was writing before he could finish?"
"I don't know JP, maybe he was going to finish with penis."

I could see Onishi wasn't going to be any help. I looked back at the page and noticed the scribbles actually were letters, but they were so misshapen, that they were near impossible to make out. The letters read "BAW" before the scribbles became too unintelligible. I thought to myself,

"Long....BAW....Long...BAW....&quot ;

Then it struck me like an Irish man with his wife, I said under a heavy breath,

"Longbaugh."

I quickly looked up at Onishi and said to him,

"Onishi, we're going to London, grab a raincoat and an umbrella. Also, bring gum."


Necessary for any adventure

After I finished my sentence, I quickly darted out of the room and upstairs to the Elder’s chamber, to praise DIO and to ask Publius for guidance. Publius stepped down from his glorious golden chair underneath a picture of DIO. He spoke to me in a tone that was vibrant with youth but contained the wisdom of the old sensei. After he gave me my advice, I went back downstairs and kneeled before the mural of Emerick lying next to Zooey before I told Onishi to start the car. As I got outside, I noticed Onishi siphoning gas from the car across the street which had “APF” on it, he brought the gas can back and filled our car, and we sped out of the clubhouse parking lot, only hitting a few kids before we were on the highway, heading to the airport.

TO BE CONTINUED~

Note: This is an adaptation of Chisholm's story, it is his, I am just turning his sentences into an elaborate story 😎