Hari Michaelson Unveils New Campaign Slogan
Day 485, 15:09
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Hari Michaelson
---Letter-From-The-Editor---
Hey, look, a free boat ride for three!
Now who should I take...
-Editor-on-the-Edge-
Hari Michaelson
---
Hari Michaelson Unveils New Campaign Slogan, Declares Self To Be "On A Boat!"
At a local press conference today, Hari Michaelson, currently runing for the Delaware Congressional seat, announced to a gathered group of reporters and voters an open invitation to his current location upon a boat (model not specified).
"Aww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down. Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck."
He then, however, offered a vauge warning to the boarding crowd.
"But stay on your motherfucking toes. We running this, let's go."
After the throng of onlookers had successfully boarded the boat, the ship began to move across the water, at which point Mr. Michaelson began his speech, which initially consisted of a declaration of his current location upon the boat.
"I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat. Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat. I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat. Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat. I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea; busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat. You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat"
Not picture
Although further challenges of this nature were issued with the use of phrases such as "I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's straight flipping copies" and "If you're on the shore, then you're sure not me-oh [sic]", there did not seem to be any particular individual towards whom his ire was directed. Although many attempted to ask him for greater calrification on this, he was temporarily nowhere to be found, until one keen observer noticed a being riding alongisde the boat in the sea, a sight described by Mr. Michaelson as
"I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit, the dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet. But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets, I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget."
Upon returning to the deck, Mr. Michaelson continued his tirade against land, yelling
"Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker! Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker! I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker! This boat engine make noise, motherfucker!"
Oddly, many of the statements made by Mr. Michaelson were echoed by a harmonized voice that seemed to eminate from the very ship itself. This voice later went on to claim that it had indeed had sexual relations with a mermaid.
Upon returning to shore, Mr. Michaelson did not answer any questions but one, asking him his next location. As he lifted his boom-box over his shoulder, he replied
"A country club".
---
The Muckraker: We're sorry. He forced us to print this.
Hey, look, a free boat ride for three!
Now who should I take...
-Editor-on-the-Edge-
Hari Michaelson
---
Hari Michaelson Unveils New Campaign Slogan, Declares Self To Be "On A Boat!"
At a local press conference today, Hari Michaelson, currently runing for the Delaware Congressional seat, announced to a gathered group of reporters and voters an open invitation to his current location upon a boat (model not specified).
"Aww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down. Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck."
He then, however, offered a vauge warning to the boarding crowd.
"But stay on your motherfucking toes. We running this, let's go."
After the throng of onlookers had successfully boarded the boat, the ship began to move across the water, at which point Mr. Michaelson began his speech, which initially consisted of a declaration of his current location upon the boat.
"I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat. Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat. I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat. Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat. I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea; busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat. You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat"
Not picture
😛Hari Michaelson, Journalistic Integrity
Although further challenges of this nature were issued with the use of phrases such as "I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's straight flipping copies" and "If you're on the shore, then you're sure not me-oh [sic]", there did not seem to be any particular individual towards whom his ire was directed. Although many attempted to ask him for greater calrification on this, he was temporarily nowhere to be found, until one keen observer noticed a being riding alongisde the boat in the sea, a sight described by Mr. Michaelson as
"I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit, the dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet. But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets, I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget."
Upon returning to the deck, Mr. Michaelson continued his tirade against land, yelling
"Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker! Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker! I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker! This boat engine make noise, motherfucker!"
Oddly, many of the statements made by Mr. Michaelson were echoed by a harmonized voice that seemed to eminate from the very ship itself. This voice later went on to claim that it had indeed had sexual relations with a mermaid.
Upon returning to shore, Mr. Michaelson did not answer any questions but one, asking him his next location. As he lifted his boom-box over his shoulder, he replied
"A country club".
---
The Muckraker: We're sorry. He forced us to print this.
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Comments
o/
Your politics are as fresh and intelligent as every Lonely Island même is overworn and tiresome!
Still, go Hari.
I am a bit lost as to what exactly you were trying to comunicate here lol but uhh.. ill vote! just do what you say your gona do
I just heard that song for the first time two weeks ago. It blows