eUSA Officially Runs Away From EDEN

Day 865, 20:30 • Published in Canada Canada • by Dade Pendwyn

Canadian Conduit - Issue #40

[img]http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1059/555135641_cebd5d618f.jpg?v=0[/img]

Police officers and crime watch volunteers across the planet are searching for the eUSA. Apparently, the teenaged country has run away from the EDEN family, citing "NOBODY UNDERSTANDZ ME! YULL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE!" as the reason for departure.

Father Poland says the whole conflict started when the EDEN parents scolded eUSA for not doing his chores in Sindh. "Aside from the eUK, who thank God we were able to get into a foster home, the eUSA has always been the whiniest of our children. The last few weeks it had gotten out of hand, though, and now apparently he's trying to prove his worth to the family by leaving. I know he'll be back - it's a scary world out there for chubby kids like him."

Mother Romania seemed far more worried about eUSA's health than anything else: "Oh I'm just so awfully worried about him. We hoped he would grow up to be like his big brother, Spain. Unfortunately he's just a little bit too emotional and now he's out there all alone! What if some bullies start picking on him? He'll never be able to take care of himself!"

Little brother eCanada was emotional as he recounted how eUSA told him about his plan to run away quite a while ago. "He towd me mommy and daddy dinent aspect him 'nuff and dat he was gonna show dem dat he's a big boi by runnin' aways and sweeping in a box. I just miss my bwuver.....*sniff*...who em I surposed to plai tankz and hellies with now? I was dunna share my tankz wif him...."

General consensus is that the EDEN family is going to be fine without eUSA. However, the future looks bleak for the young North American country who seems to have pouted his way out of the home.

We ask your support to help get eUSA back home safe and sound before he gets hurt! He is described as fairly rotund and forlorn looking. He usually wears skinny black jeans, tight black leather jackets, and has dark hair streaked to one side of his face. If you see this young man, please contact Poland or Romania so they can be a happy family once again.