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Baked Beans


(This one is much too good not to share. Enjoy! Be sure to
grab a tissue; I think you'll be laughing so hard you'll cry!)


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and
gave up beans, especially the Heinz variety.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way
home from work. Since I lived in the countryside, I called my husband and
told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my
way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was
more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would
walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked
beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas from my ass.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and
exclaimed delightedly. 'Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner
table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the
room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one
go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my
lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned

to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few
more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands
back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table choruse😛 'Happy Birthday!'


I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!