20 things not to tell a cop when pulled over
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Septimius Maximinus
in real life i live in the USA so if things are different for people who live in other countries i just decide to let you know.
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the village people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
Comments
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual,
"I have a headache."
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,... it's up to you!"
a lady went to the morgue found her husband there had a shocking accident and his penis was ripped off ,
the undertaker asked where she wanted it put
she replied up his bottom please
at the funeral it was a bit hot and having an open coffin the wife noticed a drop of embalming fluid come from her late husbands eye
leaning close she said
I told you it hurt didn't i
Nice
v/s
A man comes home really drunk and decides to give his wife a sleeping orgasm so she won't be too angry with him. After several minutes of work he hears a satisfied murmur and moves off to the bathroom. When he enters he sees his wife and screams. His wife says "Sshh you'll wake your mother"
An Kiwi, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, Aussie walks in. As he passes the Kiwi, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.The Aussie then says,"That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the Kiwi gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer. The Aussie then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Kiwi, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor."That's a judo chop from Japan", he says. The Kiwi decides he's had enough and leaves.A half hour later he comes back and sees the big Aussie bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out. The Kiwi says to the bartender, "When he wakes up bro, tell him that was a fuckin' crowbar from Bunnings".
They have kiwis in Sydney .. seriously bro ?