Yellow Journalist Endorsement-South Dakota

Day 672, 17:48 • Published in USA USA • by Crut

While it might come as a surprise to many of its readers, The Yellow Journalist has decided to endorse a candidate for the great state of South Dakota. Crut, best known for his inflammatory views against Indonesia, Hungary and Russia, this semi-regularly tempbanned, fool-who-knows-what-time-it-is, shows great promise as a future representative. It seems as though this run has been a long time coming for the playa who always gets holla'd at when walking down the street. When asked what his intentions are should he win, the electric Crut responded, "I'm gonna tear dat up! I'm just sick of these mark tricks not keeping it real as Samuel L. Jackson when God stopped them bullets!" His enthusiasm radiated through the audience as they too began to "tear dat up".

After the local Pierre, South Dakota fire department managed to extinguish the fires, the Crut spoke again. "We were oppressed because folks thought we weren't worth defending. They gave up on us and we need to show'em why they can never give up on us again!" We didn't land on Mt. Rushmore, Mt. Rushmore landed on us!" Again the crowd went it a frenzy as they burned effigies of small cardboard cut-outs of eRussia's current regions on the World Map. Once again, the FDS was forced to put out the blazes.

Crut's rise to fame has not come easy. He remembers a time when he couldn't afford to buy anything over Q1 food and had a wellness of "wow, you're still alive?". Yet, he has flourished since his noob roots. "I've fought all over the world. I bought up and sold businesses. I served two terms as Secretary of Fun and I'm gonna bring that fun back. I've just gone crazy on this game." Crut's nomination was met with fear and trepidation from his opponents, who all seemed to agree, "Yep, should have picked another state."

(The Yellow Journalist is a subsidiary of Crut Holding Corporation)