Word on the Street

Day 937, 12:18 • Published in USA USA • by Gulden Draak

Good day America and welcome to this first addition of Word on the Street under The Paper Mache. Word on the Street, seeks to provide you the common citizen with 100% factual information on what is happening in our government and elsewhere. Without further delay, here is the first addition:

President Shot by Vice President

Late last night, while on a visit to Karnataka, vice-president ligtreb shot our dear President Chocolate McSkittles . Throughout the entire trip to Karnataka, ligtreb appeared to be uneasy and he finally drew his Q5 weapon shooting the president. After the shooting, new best friend, all-around awesome guy, and author of this article, Gulden Draak was able to rush the president to the Q5 hospital located in Karnataka. Doctors say that the president is expected to make a full recovery. However, doctors said that if he had not been transported to a Q5 hospital he probably would not have survived. Now you know why we only build Q5 hospitals . Upon being dragged to jail, ligtreb could be heard screaming I just wanted to be president! I just wanted to be president! . I do find it a little ironic that ligtreb wouldn’t have become president anyway. You see, game rules state that if a president is no longer able to complete his term the person with the next highest vote count becomes president which would have made Colin Lantrip the new president.



Ligtreb being dragged to jail and unfortunately he is all out of “get out of jail free” cards

Was ligtreb unaware of game rules or was he just a simple pawn in a much larger plot? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, a judge has set ligtreb’s bail at 5000 Gold. If you would like to contribute to helping get ligtreb out of jail, you can donate gold to this account.

A Communist in the White House?

Yesterday, in this article, Chocolate McSkittles revealed that his very own Chief of Staff, Alexander Hamilton was an undercover communist squirrel!



American Patriot? More like communist butthole

What does this mean for us America? Will we tailspin into disaster? Is life in eUSA over as we know it? I don’t know, but maybe we will. I am just like all of you, a common citizen, only I ask questions.

Is Emerick Alive?

Two nights ago, I ventured out to the trailer of local eCitizen Billy Ray Joe Bob. Billy informed me that he had seen Emerick flying above his trailer that night and he had proof. Since Emerick left/was forced to leave, there have been several sightings of the former president. However, this was the first time someone had contacted me and said they had actual proof. Needless to say I was very excited. I arrived at Billy’s trailer and upon entering I was greeted with a horrific odor which smelt like a combination of old cheese, grain alcohol, and cat litter. One sniff almost caused me to vomit. Though frustrated by the stench, I had to press on towards my goal. There I saw Billy sitting at his table shaking with a picture in his hand. He showed me the photo. Since this paper is about informing the citizens, here is the photo for your viewing pleasure. Please click for a larger view:



Once I confirmed that this photo was in no way a horrible photoshop, I fell to my knees praising Dio. Finally, Emerick the Great had returned . When will Emerick show his face next? Only time will tell, but when he does appear you can bet Word on the Street will have all the details.

Inside a Lavish Military Party: A waste of taxpayer gold some say

Over the weekend, a lavish military party occurred, and though it was a private party Word on the Street has skills so we got a guy on the inside. According to our source, the party got started in a private IRC channel with all the JCS in attendance. Once all the JCS arrived, lavish Q5 gifts and wellness boxes were exchanged between the JCS and other guests at the party. It was also reported that several eLadies of ill-repute could be seen entering and leaving the private IRC channel. Using helicopters they were able to sneak back from beta V2, guests at the party then traveled over to a nearby Q5 mansion owned by a JCS member for the after party. Due to unreliable information, we are not at liberty to say what exactly went down at the after party. However, once we find out anything it will be reported here.

Disclaimer: I hope you have realized by now that this was just a joke and a parody of real life tabloids using eRep themes. If you liked this leave me a comment and I might try this type of style again. Until next time…….

Stay thirsty my friends,

Gulden Draak