The Canonization of Jacobi: Part II

Day 682, 14:39 • Published in Canada Canada • by William Duncan

[img]http://eborg3.com/Graphics/Bible/02-Exodus/Exodus01/Parting%20Red%20Sea.JPG[/img]



2.1. Jacobi is a Prophet and Can See Into the Future


2.1.1 The Testimony of Banach:

“Jacko, why are you insisting on Florida? Its getting taken over soon. Do you think one state can support 5 thousand people?”

“I say move to Asturias, Spain. Its safer than New Jersey. Or Canada.”

- Banach, then leader of the CRM private army/resistance group, which totally isn’t political, before he ran for the Country presidency;
- Current Congressman and official spokesman for the CPF political party, which was created to run Banach for Country president;
- A Proposed Deputy Minister of Defense


Notice how St. Jacobi demonstrated his prophetic powers by denouncing this false prophet:

1. Florida was never taken over or even attacked
2. Canada was soon liberated and given a Q5 Hospital
3. Florida did support a population of over 5,000
4. Asturias was totally conquered by France


St. Jacobi could see the future; his detractors cannot. Unfortunately in eCanada a few people still follow and believe in the false doctrines of these impostor prophets.

Source: http://ecanada.ws/forums/viewtopic.php?p=27252#p27252 , http://ecanada.ws/forums/viewtopic.php?p=25022#p25022



2.1.2 The Testimony of Bruck, an Impostor Saint:

“This [the Bruck’s Cannucks Private Army] has nothing to do with politics


I have no intention of returning to politics”

- Bruck, the self-proclaimed “Commander-in-Chief” of all Canadians in the Bruck’s Cannucks, which group erroneously confuses Bruck, the Persecutor of Saints, with the actual Saint and only duly elected Commander-in-Chief of eCanada, St. Jacobi;
- currently a member of Congress;
- Proposed Cabinet Member (Office of Strategic Services, whatever the heck that is) in the jbdivinus’ cabinet.


Notice how St. Jacobi not only revealed for eCanada a Wolf in Sheep’s clothing but also denounced another false prophet:

1. The Country president is, in fact, the Commander-in-Chief of the Army, not Bruck;
2. Congressman and proposed cabinet member Bruck did, in fact, return to politics;
3. St. Jacobi revealed to eCanada that at least the Bruck part in Bruck’s Cannucks had, in reality, everything to do with politics, contrary to what Bruck said

Source: http://ecanada.ws/forums/viewtopic.php?p=25306#p25306



2.1.3 Jacobi Prophesies; Knows the Secret Thoughts of Men:

“They [Banach, Bruck] don't know the full picture, and considering that the leadership of these resistance movements have been against me since June 6th, I'm no more interested in their advice now that they are attempting to cloak themselves in the flag than I was when they were more nakedly political.”

- St. Jacobi, prophesying the future of eCanadian politics


“Jacobi 34 minutes ago
Jacobi Cabinet: 26 members JB Divinus Cabinet: 34 members How come the people who hated on me for having a large cabinet support JB's?”

“Bruck 4 minutes ago
Just because he's not you Jacobi 🙂”


Notice how St. Jacobi successfully augured the future and could see into the hearts of men. The people he was referring to have once again become nakedly political, have since run for Country president; one is the official spokesman of a Top 5 Political Party, and both have joined a proposed cabinet.

Source: http://ecanada.ws/forums/viewtopic.php?p=39094#p39094 , Shouts




2.2. Jacobi’s Political Enemies Testify to His Greatness and Super Powers


2.2.1 The Testimony of Octavian F:

“Well first off, in his glorious 4 terms Jacobi has managed to run our economy into ruin.

Just look at all the industries. Apart from the failed tax policies, and the printing of money, the glorious PM has been unable to come up with any other solutions to our problems. The economy is a failure, I don't even have words for this. In 4 dam terms I'd assume someone would come up with more creative sh[*]t to solve our problems, but I guess I thought wrong.

Economy: FAIL
[…]
CAF/National Defense: FAIL
[…]
Being able or organize and remain functional in an emergency: FAIL”


- Octavian F, then Congressmen and member of Banach’s useless CRM “resistance group” (whatever happened to that, btw?), and more recently,
- Member of the a proposed cabinet


Notice how Octavian F freely calls St. Jacobi “glorious.” I agree: he is indeed very glorious, and also super fantastic fabulous. Also note that Octavian F is under the impression that St. Jacobi is super powerful, as he believes St. Jacobi has the power to destroy entire economies, armies and governments. St. Jacobi has, in fact, destroyed governments in the past: the eIranian administration was impeached because St. Jacobi’s prayer to make them look ridiculous was granted (thus showing the FSM’s divine favour enjoyed by eCanada and Jacobi.).

Source: http://ecanada.ws/forums/viewtopic.php?p=39094#p39094



2.2.3 The Testimony of Bruck, the Persecutor of Saints:


“Please correct me if I am wrong but can jacobi put anything to vote in game? Can he choose where to attack in game? NO

That is because erepublik does not recognize him as President since the country was lost. That is not to say those Canadian's here on our forums do not.

Disrespectful it is not unless you press those same claims on eRepublik itself.”

- Bruck, member of Bruck’s Cannucks, a private non-political army which recognizes Bruck as their “Commander-in-Chief” and not, for some reason, St. Jacobi


Notice how Bruck is under the impression St. Jacobi is not, in fact, Great. He seems to think that St. Jacobi does not have Super Powers, but behold, he does:


The eRepublik Wiki entry for President officially states:

“A President is an elected leader that should embody “the spirit of the nation” for the nation itself and the world.

Having the role of chief public representative includes personifying the continuity and legitimacy of the state and exercising the political powers, functions, and duties granted to you.”


I tried to look up “Commander-in-Chief of Bruck’s Cannucks,” but alas, it is not in the eRepublik Wiki; therefore, Bruck does not have Super Powers and cannot claim St. Jacobi does not. Nonetheless, the very desire of Bruck to wrongly assert that St. Jacobi did not have Super Powers is recognition of the general belief at that time in Canada that St. Jacobi did, in fact, have Super Powers.

Sources: http://ecanada.ws/forums/viewtopic.php?p=25906#p25906 , http://wiki.erepublik.com/index.php/President




2.3. Jacobi is Quotable


2.3.1 Emus

“You are an inflammatory emu. Nothing more can be said.”

- St. Jacobi, President of eCanada, speaking truth.



2.3.1 No.


“No.”

- St. Jacobi’s one word response to a series of articles from a terrorist organization that had infiltrated his cabinet, and eCanada’s congress. The terrorists threatened to reveal eCanadian and FORTIS military secrets to PEACE GC unless a monthly bribe was paid to them.


Notice Jacobi’s commitment to saintly principles:
1. He never gave in to the temptations of evil ones
2. He preaches the truth

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65Yk-NSB8vY&feature=related



Therefore, by the powers invested in my by the Church of the FSM, Jacobi is henceforth known as St. Jacobi.


Now I would like to formally end this Canonization ceremony with St. Jacobi's own prayer.


Let us pray:


"O Lord make my enemies ridiculous."


_