The Canonization of Jacobi
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by William Duncan
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I won't tell this story with my own words, because a few loudmouthed dunces will call me biased (you know who you are.) So, using the words of eCanada’s Greatest President Ever, and the words of his enemies (who aboundeth with love for him), I will preach the utter greatness of that which is known as Jacobi.
He deserves a cult, in my opinion, and so as Bishop of the Church of the FSM, I am formally abusing my pastoral powers and canonizing a living person. That’s right. Jacobi’s formal title is now:
St. Jacobi the Great,
Savior of the eCanadians,
Patron Saint of all eCanada, and all that is great about eCanadians.
In order to determine if someone is a Saint, there are two things that must be demonstrate😛
1. Prayers made in the Saint’s name result in Miracles.
Every Saint deserves a prayer, in my opinion, so here’s the official Jacobian Prayer that all FSM’ers ought to memorize and pray every day:
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Jacobi’s Prayer:
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.
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I believe this prayer, originally from Voltaire, is better suited for the Patron Saint of eCanada; after all, in true Jacobian fashion, eCanada has succeeded marvelously in making our enemies look ridiculous under St. Jacobi the Great’s leadership. This is easy enough to prove, because all I have to say is:
- the eUK
- France
- Iran
Behold! Thou hast laughed at eCanada’s enemies. God, indeed, has granted our prayer and made our enemies ridiculous. We are truly are a blessed country: the FSM be praised !!!
\o/
Okay, so St. Jacobi the Great met the requirement of having prayers granted in his name, so now I am moving on to the second item needed for someone to be made a Saint,
2. The testimony of others affirms their holiness (which I interpret to mean super powers).
In real life, people who are considered for canonization are meticulously researched and investigated. Jacobi doesn’t really need any of this, as the people have canonized him four times already, but for the lulz and to meet the conditions of sainthood, you can see the evidence in Part II (see last article).
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7o7—E Pluribus Unum
"╒rom Atlantis ash to Eden’s end,
Jacobi's Ladder we did ascend.
Dark purgatory brows purified
Seven swords marking those who died."
Yeah, he saved us all. Glory be.
You need a slap, son
This is blasphemy.
I agree with Octavian. And I won't vote for a party that condones such actions 😛
Saints are just a bunch of insane people. Jacobi fits perfectly I guess.
I came, I saw, I came.
"saints are just a bunch of insane people"
Watch your mouth. I agree that Jacobi is a failure, but don't say idiotic shit like that. Especially since you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
I then conquered Emerick.
Oh shi-
He's good, but not that good 😛
Saints are perfectly sane. Take this one for instance:
AB is up for beatification, btw. There's even a day picked out for him and a latin motto: "ABlata at alBA" -- "Banished but blameless."
@ Plugson -
That was awesome.
this is weird, and unexpected, and weird.
William Duncan, you once accused me of coming to a bizarre conclusion, but in this case, I think that description serves these two posts you just made. It strikes me as lacking in class and sensible decorum, and although I'm no expert on religion, potentially insulting to the sensibilities of potentially many people. I'm sure you could have come up with a better satire than this.
Cheers,
AR1ARX
Unexpected, yes.
A good show, we could say that.
Aaaaaiiieeeee, Billy! 😮
That's a five-point condemnable offense. Remember the First Commandment?
'Thou shalt hold no god before me, Thine Admin'?
You're gonna fry in eHell for this, chummy! 😒
MZ
Plugson Ive already been martyred on the altar of Jacobi's tyranny, so I think the process is merely a formality.
In Rome they threw the Christians to the lions.
In Canada they throw the Baldwins to the mindless lackeys.
@ Octavian_F
Don't be so sensitive about religion dude... Don't make me go all Wiccan on you. Saints are just people who gave themselves a fancy title, or got it given to them, cause they were rich or famous. So once again, Jacobi is a good candidate for Sainthood. 😛
The picture is a little misleading - unless you're implying that Moses was actually part of the Church of the FSM... ahh touched by his noodly appendage...
Amazing tribute by the way.
this is a much better article, and I will vote it up.
Lol its not that I'm sensitive, its that statements like that piss me off in the sense that I am simply in awe by the amount of ignorance present.
I dropped it a while ago. Can't u see I didn't make any more comments?
william this article is weird and borderline offensive whether you are being serious or only joking (and honestly i'm not sure which).
for me bringing religion into this game is over the line.
Sorry I know I said I'd drop this but this is an article done in poor taste.
When I said "seig heil" in my article, I MADE SURE to refer it to Jacobi, and to not go any further with that topic, and even then it was still considered "inappropriate".
But what you are doing is like if I made direct references to Hitler and mocked the Jews, all in the name of some stupid online game politics. This is an online game, and you are directly mocking religion (both Christian, Jew, and Muslim, since your photos and words insult us all), I dunno about you, but this is taking it way to far.
I agree with PimpDollaz.
@ Rainer N
I am religious... so, no, I won't be muzzled on those grounds. I like religion, and I especially like e-Religion.
BTW, the Church of the FSM is an in-game, eRepublik and uniquely eCanadian phenomenon. It was and is great fun, which is absolutely appropriate for a game.
All hail St. Jacobi, creater of eUK fail!
I'm not sure I get it.
You're going to shoot Jacobi out of a cannon?
Citizen B
St. Jacobi... I like the sound of that. 🙂
We should name our next Q5 Hospital after him.
"I won't tell this story with my own words, because a few loudmouthed dunces will call me biased"
Lol if you're not biased, then I have no clue who is. That was a FAIL statement.
lol Octavian I was totally thinking of you when I wrote that.
I won't tell this story with my own words, because a few loudmouthed dunces will call me biased (you know who you are.)
Your bias. >.>
@Octavian F - I dont give a fuck if your part of my problem bro, your just like Scorpius.. A complete hypocrite. Don't go telling other people shut the fuck up, when someone tells you to you dont want to hear it. If it bothers you you tell that person in PM and you tell as not to hurt their feelings. Dont alienate them in front of anyone. Since I've met you, you have put your beliefs and ego, before everyone else's feelings. Dont say shit if you cant say it right. Don't bring your beliefs into a game where others want to get away from it. This is the third time you have done it, and its not right.
And I wasnt talking about the above statement, Im talking about the first one you made in this article. I my be late but you aren't right for saying it the way you did, sorry if I offended you right there but someone has to say it just like that.
Bro its a game keep your beliefs and religion out of it. You hurt others feelings and pretty much discriminate them and their beliefs and religions.
And this isnt just for Octavian this is for everyone, were all trying to have fun here. It can get nasty and intense but please keep your beliefs and religion out of the game. Everyone is different but more fights and arguments come from beliefs and religion than anything else. I hope I made my point, sorry if I offended anyone not just Octavian.
Jacobi was no saint, a man, like any other. With his virtues and flaws.
And one of those virtues was not holding the country to ransom.
All hail St Jacobi.
Nosyt yesterday
He's good, but not that good 😛
Agreed, No Vote for this.
"O Lord, Make My Enemies Ridiculous.":thus spoke Saint Jacobi, Patron Saint of eCanadians, and making Our Enemies Fail on a scale of Epic Proportions. Amazing tribute William Duncan, Cthulhu Fhtagn.
@Tantis: Lol relax boy, if anything t'was WD who brought relgion into the game.
Howz about I make an article making fun of the holocaust? Then when people complain I'll tell them to "keep history out of the game". Thats exactly what you're doing to me. You're saying that its OK for someone to mock religion but NOT OK when I retaliate. Lol you're logic is flawed (Oh sorry did I hurt your feelings?).
Yes this is a game, but its rated 14+, so I'd assume my fellow players wouldn't start crying if I called them incompetent. I was just saying the truth. I'm sorry to burst their overenthusiastic bubbles, but when our nation is at stake I think I can afford to be a bit of a bad guy.
But sorry if I hurt your feelings bro. Don't cry now.
Lol Octavian don't worry I'm not as much as a crybaby as you are, when I wrote the comment it was not only towards you, it was also towards WD and everyone else. You seem to think I was just after you there I wasn't.
Now heres some advice, first before you make stupid comments learn how to read.
Second if you can't take straight advice and learn how to play the game (and no I'm not talking about eRep) don't try to play. Remember one thing, I'm one of the older players here and more experienced then yourself. Your stepping into a game in which you don't want to play.
That being said, when anyone thinks about your Scorps twin, y not quit CPF and join DAL, you will fit right in with the rest of them.
SO when it comes to failed logic, that comment, epic fail. Your political career epic fail.
@Tanis: hahaha you have no idea what I have in store. 😉