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Hello again dear children of eCanada,

It is time again for Fidelia's Storytime Classics, as selected from The Baldwin Project, brining online stories to children. Today's storytime will be a reading of "Three Billy Goats Gruff," but this version is called "Three Billy Goats GC and the Zoli Troll."





Once upon a time
there were three Billy Goats.
In peacetime they lived in little countries in Europe.
When the war came they longed to travel
up to the mountains and through the plains of North America.
On their way to the mountains
the three Billy Goats GC had to cross a rushing river.
But there was only one bridge across it,
but underneath the bridge
there lived a terribly annoying, one-eyed Hungarian troll.
Nobody was allowed to cross the bridge or conduct any military operations
without the troll's permission
and nobody ever got permission unless it benefited the troll.
He always came along afterwards and ate up their conquered lands.


The Gilded French Goat Statue – bowing to its Hungarian shepherd masters

The smallest Billy Goat named France was first to reach the bridge. Trippity-trop, trippity-trop
went his little hooves as he trotted
over the wooden planks.
"Who's that trotting over my bridge?"
Growled the troll from under the bridge.
"Billy Goat France," squeaked the most cowardly goat
in his little frightened voice.
"I'm only going up to the Appalachian mountains
to steal some high quality timber."
"Oh no, you're not!" said the troll.
"Oh no, please Mr. Troll, " pleaded the goat.
"I'm only the wimpiest Billy.
I'm much too weak for you to worry over,
and I wouldn't dare challenge any of your plans.
Why don't you wait for my brother,
the second Billy Goat?
He's much bigger than me
and would be much more easily fooled. "
The troll did not want to waste his time conquering Nova Scotia if there was a bigger and better territory to eat.
"All right, you can cross my bridge," he grunted.
"Go and get fatter on the mountain
whispers(and I'll eat you on your way back)”
So the smallest Billy Goat
skipped across to invade the other side of the Atlantic.


Glados prepares to meet the Queen before being ridden across the bridge ( see him saluting here)


The troll did not have to wait long
for the second Billy Goat.
Clip-clop, clip-clop went his hooves
as he clattered over the wooden planks.
"Who's that clattering across my bridge?"
screamed the troll,
suddenly appearing from under the planks.
"Billy Goat UK, " said the second goat in his middle-sized voice.
"I'm going up to the Saint Laurence
to conquer some fine Canadian Shield iron."
"Oh no you're not!" said the troll.
"Oh, no, please, " said the second goat.
"I may be less cowardly than the first Billy Goat,
but I'm much smarter than him.
Why don't we swap territories if I betray my other Billy Goat brothers?
I give you Scotland and you give me half the land Billy Goat France invades
That would be a much better meal for both of us. Deal? "

The troll was getting very hungry,
but he did not want to waste his Gold
building hospitals and defense systems in the trade.
Still, he did not think Billy Goat UK was the smartest goat in the herd,
And the Troll would get fatter off this goat, too.
"All right, you can cross my bridge," he rumbled.
"Go and get fatter off the hard work of Billy Goat France
whispers(and I'll eat you on your way back) "
So the middle-sized Billy Goat GC scampered across to the other side.


"Iranian Goat Cavalry - It's the best ride you'll ever have" -- Zoli Troll

The troll did not have to wait long
for the third Billy Goat.
Tromp-tramp, tromp-tramp went his hooves
as he stomped across the wooden planks.
"Who's that stomping over my bridge?" roared the troll, resting his chin on his hands.
"Billy Goat Iran, " said the third goat in a deep voice.
"I'm going up to the North
to take the lush Arctic diamond fields. "
"Oh no you're not, " said the troll
as he clambered up on to the bridge.
"I'm going to eat those for lunch after my Alaskan breakfast. "
"That's what you think, "
said the Biggest Billy Goat.
Then he lowered his horns, galloped along the bridge
and let out a piercing shriek:
برو سوار بز من!.

Before the Troll could finish uttering “What the f-“
a C15 sniper slug brought down Billy Goat Iran.
The Troll panicked and fled, leaving the injured goat to fend for itself (as usual).
A CAF Elite unit patrolling the frozen tundra
came racing down the frozen plain on ski-doos
to bag the last of the 3 Billy Goats.

With that the Billy Goat GC family was reunited
as their trophy heads were mounted on the wall of Gaidal Cain’s CAF HQ office.
And so it was that the Atlantic was returned, Central Canada was secured,
and the Great White North became great again.
Also, Coda and William Duncan served a fine roast goat at their wedding banquet.

And everyone lived happily every after

THE END

I hope you all enjoyed the story even though it may not familiar as the one many of us grew up reading.
The moral of this story: “Always ride the goat or die trying. Lest the goat ride you.”

With the liberation of Yukon from Iran, eCanada has now officially ridden the goat. All our fellow soliders have earned the title of "Official Goat Rydahs"