Revealations About the Canadian Social Democrats

Day 439, 00:55 • Published in Canada Canada • by Augustus Baldwin

Ottawa, Canada (Reuters) – Canada’s top doctors today announced that they had discovered a stick up the collective butt of the Canadian Social Democrats.

Sunday night, doctors tried to bring the CSD’s collective misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object, which inevitably proved unsuccessful.

"It’s stuck up there pretty well, I’d say these guys have been sitting there and spinning on it for some time now," Banach, Canada’s top stick-from-butt-removal doctor told Reuters from a hospital in the nation’s capital.

"The stick seems to be coming directly into contact with the CSD’s funny bone, thereby collectively preventing any member of the CSD from having a sense of humor. We had to try and take it out intact," explained Dr. Volsung at John Wilkmot Jewish Hospital in Ottawa. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very, very complicated situation."

The Canadian Social Democrats, who are serving a one-month term as the government of Canada said they were shocked when first told the cause of their stiff and humorless nature. They swear they didn‘t know the stick was there.

"A few CSD members, such as David Eastcorner, seem unaffected by the stick. It’s a peculiar situation, one where certain members have a natural immunity while others are completely consumed by it," Dr. Banach said.

"I don‘t know who did this to them. But I bet they will blame Augustus Baldwin."

The doctor treating the CSD said he‘d never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the party‘s story that someone had drugged them and inserted the stick while they were comatose.

There is no word yet as to whether the CSD plans to launch a lawsuit against the tree for creating the stick which is afflicting them, or against God for creating a hole big enough for the stick to be inserted.