Party Animal tells you which is the best party

Day 2,751, 04:00 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by VoodooMike71


Over the course of ten or so “party animal” articles I documented a desperate and ill-thought out mission to find some life - any life - in this stupid game my epic fact-finding trip through the eUK’s top ten political parties. It took months … really - months, and it sometimes felt like years. But all good things (and most bad ones) must come to an end. And that’s what this is - the end.

So it seems fitting to close off the whole escapade with a quick summary of what I found. But frankly I can’t be bothered to do that, so instead I’ve come up with an overly complicated scoring system that does it for me.

E😛 turns out this article has become stupidly long. Should have stuck to the simple summary.


This image means literally nothing, much like the scoring system outlined below…


Overly Complicated Terribly Organised Parties Unveiled Scoring System - Yeah!
(or OCTOPUSSY! for short)

Firstly, I ranked each party according to the activity on their party feed, assigning them a number that represented how many days of activity were represented on their party feed. So a score of 5, for instance meant that their party feed (without clicking the little “More” button) showed five days of messages. Therefore, the lower the score, the more active the party.

But that’s absolutely no use for this increasingly poorly designed OCTOPUSSY!, so in a hasty attempt to get over the problem, those scores have been reversed. Stick with it - you’ll see why.

So all that means that the first part of OCTOPUSSY! is worked out as follows:

original activity score (A) = hastily adjusted activity score to make things work (H)
12 = 1
11 = 2
10 = 3
9 = 4
8 = 5
7 = 6
6 = 7
5 = 8
4 = 9
3 = 10
2 = 11
1 = 12


do try to keep up


The second element of the equation (yes - this is going to turn into an equation) is far less … ahem … scientific than the first. But mercifully it’s much simpler. It is nothing more than a score of 1 to 3, which I’ll be calling V. It’s based on how much I liked the party; 1 means not so much and 3 means fooking loved it. Much better, I’m sure you’ll agree.


Is anyone still here?


Which brings us confusingly neatly on to the final equation. Here it is in all its glory…


Hastily Adjusted Activity Score (H) x How Much I Like Them Score (V) = OCTOPUSSY! (O)



The bigger the OCTOPUSSY!, the better the party. That’s all you need to know.



The results are in…
So without further prevarication, here’s how the parties stacked up:

Party | H x V = O

ESO | 12 x 3 = 36
WRP | 11 x 3 = 33
UKRP | 10 x 3 = 30
TUP | 7 x 2 = 14
UKPP | 6 x 2 = 12
TRS | 7 x 1 = 7
PCP | 1 x 1 = 1
Other parties | couldn’t be bothered to score them, so they all get zero.

And there you have it, sitting smugly before your very eyes with a score of 36. The party with the highest OCTOPUSSY!, and therefore - officially - the best party in the eUK is…



Surprising conclusion
Having spent all this time and effort travelling through the parties, documenting the journey and then concocting this ridiculous scoring system to rate and summarise them, it would be foolish - I’m sure you’ll agree - to ignore the results.

In my final Party Animal article covering TUP, I noted that it’s a great party, but one with a serious identity crisis that’s going to need mucho trabajo to sort out.

I’ve just returned from an exclusive three year tour of Europe, Scandinavia and the sub-continent (actually is was ten days off on holiday, but 10 Q7 weapons to the first person who spots the reference), and - frankly - I’ve decided that I really can’t be arsed to do that work. TUP is a great party, but it’s no longer what I’m looking for. It’s not them, it’s me. I don’t want the too many hours I spend on this game to revolve around Srs Bsns, endless internal debates and worrying about what direction the biggest party in the eUK should take. I want to lark around and not have anything important to do.


For that reason I’m leaving TUP and joining ESO instead. Although this puts ESO’s well-earned top spot in serious jeopardy, their membership numbers will increase by one, so I think it’s a fair trade-off. And TUP won’t notice that I’m gone - Karacticus, jamesw and Goku seem to be running the show now anyway.


So there you have it. This is Party Animal signing off. We hope you’ve enjoyed the show.



TL😉R?
ESO win






Carlton chooses ESO!