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*This is my submission for the writing essay "What one trait do you feel is most important for an eUS President to have?"

Now, you're going to have to bear with me, picking just one trait is not an easy task. This is a powerful position we're talking about, and I believe the saying goes: Many traits it takes, for a good President to make (or something like that). Let's take a look at some of them and go from there.



Stamina
You're thinking I'm off my rocker, aren't you? Well, if you'd read my last article you would know that I am. But that's not the point. See, I like to go for walks. Long walks. You can't just go around the block and call it good. You've got to explore, check things out, sniff a couple of telephone poles and fire hydrants. You've got to leave your mark here and there. A good President has got to have stamina to keep up with you. He's got to be around to make sure the places you're going and the things you're sniffing aren't going to hurt you. He needs to be vigilant at all times. And that my friends, takes stamina.



Diplomacy (This is pretty obvious, but let's explore it a little bit anyways, shall we?)
I don't know about you, but I like to go to the park. A lot of my friends go there too, as do some of my not so friends. It's nothin' but a thing when I'm hangin' with my bros and bitches, but sometimes one of us strays from the group, or one of my non friends gets a little too close to our pack. Sometimes, someone sniffs a butt just a little too long, and that's when The Prez needs to step in. He's got to be able to get us all to chill, make nice and all that. He's got to find a way to make all the packs get along, and he's got to do it in a way that makes all of us think that our pack was in the right. No easy task to be sure. But that's what diplomacy is all about.



Leadership
When I'm out walking, I pretty much go where the scents take me. Sometimes that's okay, but sometimes it's not. Every now and again, I'll have my nose to the ground and suddenly find myself in a place I shouldn't be, or in a fight I shouldn't have gotten into. This can cause big problems for not only me, but for my pack as well. A good President points me in the right direction, he tells me where I should be, or what fights are good for me and my pack. He's there to give me enough leash to think I'm all my own, but gives it a little jerk when I start to stray off course (if I were a Fed, I'd blame it on being horny). A good President shows me how things are done.



Generosity
Me, I like treats. I mean, who doesn't, right? And I'm not discriminatory when it comes to treats. There's bacon treats, beef treats, chicken treats, chewy treats, crunchy treats, trick or treats, lamb treats, veal treats, little treats, and big treats. And I want them all. A growing puppy needs lots of treats to get big and strong. Without all of his treats, the puppies down the block get bigger and stronger and next thing you know, they're kickin' the crap out of this puppy and all of his friends. A good President makes sure all the little puppies, and even big dogs on the block, get all of their treats.



Tactical
Sometimes, diplomacy fails (and with me being the spunky pup that I am, it's no wonder). Other times, another pack wanders onto our block and won't leave. That's when The Prez let's me open up a can of Whoop Ass. Now and again, even a whole six pack. But he doesn't just let me rush in all teeth a barin' and jaws a tearin' (he says that's how I got my stump). Oh no. He tells me where to scratch and claw, where to bite. With precision. And he guides the rest of the pack as well. With The Prez behind us, we are one well oiled killing machine. With The Prez guiding us, we are like tanks.



Now, I think you'll agree those are some pretty darned good traits, and every good President should have them. But really, almost all of them filter into what I think is the most important trait for a president to have:

Ability to Butt Scratch
I mean, c'mon, it's a BUTT SCRATCH! Can I get an AMEN? I know that at first glance that seems down right crazy (already been established, move along), but hear me out. Before the Prez is your Prez, he's just a guy, or a girl, and you don't know squat about them. The only way that they can win your vote is to show you they know how to butt scratch. A good butt scratchin' makes you feel good about yourself, and makes you appreciate the person doing the butt scratching. A good butt scratching is a generous thing, takes lots of stamina, must be done tactically, and is one of the most diplomatic things a President will ever do. Also, it takes great leadership to make sure the peeps below the President are butt scratching in just the right way. So, the ability to butt scratch is, in my opinion, the most important trait for an eUS President to have.





TL😉R

Tough, go back and read it.
Or else...