Ice Cream not Q2 Hospitals: The True Answer to Player Retention

Day 792, 11:32 • Published in USA Poland • by Battle Kitten


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Ice Cream not Q2 Hospitals: The True Answer to Player Retention
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I have read the debate in regards to Q2 Hospitals and player retention. Both sides of the argument are compelling and informative, but I have come to the conclusion that they are both wrong. The key to citizen retention is NOT Q2 Hospitals!!! The key to retention is FREE ICE CREAM!!!! Have you ever met anyone that did not enjoy the occasional ice cream cone? Me either. I am firmly convinced that if we give each of our newbs a free ice cream cone that they would stick with the game. In fact I am currently offering the eUSA government 100,000 free ice cream cone cards from Dairy Queen to accomplish this goal. Why? Because everyone loves ice cream, and if people love ice cream, then perhaps it alone will keep people in the game.

Does this argument sound a little ridiculous? Of course it does. You know why? Because ice cream (no matter how good it is), would not keep people playing a game that they found uninteresting or without a purpose. This whole Q2 Hospital debate is interesting, but it does not solve the basic problem in the eUSA. Putting more hospitals in the eUSA is essentially treating a symptom and not curing the ill we face as a nation. There is an old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!" Evidently the advocates for the Q2 hospitals think that we should bring the water to the horse and cram it down its throat. Our newbies are pm'ed an offered tickets to move to Q5 regions. A lot of them ignore the messages. Why? Newbs are not motivated by hospitals. I am not motivated by hospitals honestly. I never wake up in the morning thanking God I live in a Q5 region. I keep playing because I find both politics and war interesting. I enjoy competing and fighting. For me, that is fun. This country however is slowly dying and the reason is simple: We are bored!!! Honestly, boredom is probably the only reason we are arguing about Q2 hospital placement anyway.

At the moment, we lack a clear defined purpose as a country within the game. We sit around day by day and essentially do nothing. That creates boredom, which people by and large have no tolerance for. If we had a clearly defined purpose as a nation and some actual excitement, I am willing to wager that our retention rates would be far better. Rather than throwing up HAIL MARY's like this Q2 hospital nonsense, how about we ask our elected leaders to give us two or three things to make America better: 1. A clearly defined vision for the future. 2. An honest to God war where there is the potential for a great victory or a great loss to instill a sense of urgency and excitement in people. 3. The educational tools necessary to make our newbs smarter. So essentially education, motivation, and inspiration will save us. It sounds revolutionary and might require some work, but I am willing to wager that is what this nation needs to survive. Think about it.