DELETE MARYLAND!
Day 1,438, 05:23
•
Published in USA 
•
by
•
by Silas Soule
DELETE MARYLAND!
Amidst all that noise about e-Kosova, a much more important issue has been overlooke
Ewwww! I drank too much Maryland!
I mean, really, who has ever heard of Maryland? Does it even exist? Has Maryland ever done anything or produced anything of note? Nope. Have you ever met anyone from Maryland? No, of course not. It's basically just a swamp with a naval base.
Furthermore, it's about the size of pea anyway. Who would miss it?
Not that some pea-sized states aren't worthwhile. There's Delaware, for example. Delaware is rightfully famed throughout the land as the Liechtenstein-like tax haven for American capitalism, with a well-earned reputation for corruption and malfeasance that is the envy of many other state-level bureaucracies.
But Maryland makes no sense. It's shaped like a squishy handgun, with the barrel pointed at West Virgina. Most of Maryland should just be handed over to Delaware, with the Appalachian part given to West Virigina, where it naturally belongs.
The other famous teeny-tiny-state is Rhode Island and Plymounth Plantation, the smallest state with the longest name. Little Rhody, unlike Maryland, is absolutely necessary. After all, those Richie Riches from Massachusetts need someplace they can go that has decent tattoo parlors and legal bath houses, but isn't all weird and rural. (Ahem! Maine, I'm lookin' at you!) By the way, for the former, I recommend Artfreek on Wickenden Street in Providence. Ask for Steve. He's awesome. For the latter, no comment.
Yeah. Go google for tourist attractions to visit in Maryland. You know what's at the top of the list? "Tory House". Can you believe that? The most interesting thing that this so-called "state" has to offer to people unfortunate enough to have to drive through it is a refurbished old house once inhabited by some monocle-wearing, tea-sipping British twat colonizer who high-tailed it off to Canada 230 years ago. Yawn!
Sure, Babe Ruth was born in Maryland... but he left, didn't he? I mean, he didn't even play for the Orioles.
And what's up with Baltimore anyway? It's not really even a city, is it? Just sort of a sleazy suburb of D.C. where the politicians can go slumming when they can't afford the high-priced hookers in Washington. Now, Baltimore does have a nice, sleazy Delawarian feel to it. So I recommend either federalizing it or just handing it over to Delaware so it can take it's rightful place amongst the sleaze capitols of America.
But enough about real life. In eRepublik, e-Maryland is just as useless and meaningless as in real life, maybe even more so. It's only kept on the map so that various butt-hurt Euro-imperialists can come slogging over here on their way to a real state like Virginia or Pennsylvania.
Summary: Maryland probably doesn't even exist in real life, so why should it exist in eRepublik?
Amidst all that noise about e-Kosova, a much more important issue has been overlooke
😛For great justice and historical accuracy, it's time to delete Maryland.
Ewwww! I drank too much Maryland!
I mean, really, who has ever heard of Maryland? Does it even exist? Has Maryland ever done anything or produced anything of note? Nope. Have you ever met anyone from Maryland? No, of course not. It's basically just a swamp with a naval base.
Furthermore, it's about the size of pea anyway. Who would miss it?
Not that some pea-sized states aren't worthwhile. There's Delaware, for example. Delaware is rightfully famed throughout the land as the Liechtenstein-like tax haven for American capitalism, with a well-earned reputation for corruption and malfeasance that is the envy of many other state-level bureaucracies.
But Maryland makes no sense. It's shaped like a squishy handgun, with the barrel pointed at West Virgina. Most of Maryland should just be handed over to Delaware, with the Appalachian part given to West Virigina, where it naturally belongs.
The other famous teeny-tiny-state is Rhode Island and Plymounth Plantation, the smallest state with the longest name. Little Rhody, unlike Maryland, is absolutely necessary. After all, those Richie Riches from Massachusetts need someplace they can go that has decent tattoo parlors and legal bath houses, but isn't all weird and rural. (Ahem! Maine, I'm lookin' at you!) By the way, for the former, I recommend Artfreek on Wickenden Street in Providence. Ask for Steve. He's awesome. For the latter, no comment.
Yeah. Go google for tourist attractions to visit in Maryland. You know what's at the top of the list? "Tory House". Can you believe that? The most interesting thing that this so-called "state" has to offer to people unfortunate enough to have to drive through it is a refurbished old house once inhabited by some monocle-wearing, tea-sipping British twat colonizer who high-tailed it off to Canada 230 years ago. Yawn!
Sure, Babe Ruth was born in Maryland... but he left, didn't he? I mean, he didn't even play for the Orioles.
And what's up with Baltimore anyway? It's not really even a city, is it? Just sort of a sleazy suburb of D.C. where the politicians can go slumming when they can't afford the high-priced hookers in Washington. Now, Baltimore does have a nice, sleazy Delawarian feel to it. So I recommend either federalizing it or just handing it over to Delaware so it can take it's rightful place amongst the sleaze capitols of America.
But enough about real life. In eRepublik, e-Maryland is just as useless and meaningless as in real life, maybe even more so. It's only kept on the map so that various butt-hurt Euro-imperialists can come slogging over here on their way to a real state like Virginia or Pennsylvania.
Summary: Maryland probably doesn't even exist in real life, so why should it exist in eRepublik?
Facebook
Twitter
Discord
Comments
jk
I am not Rod Damon, and I approve this message.
LoL.
Very funny!
hang on just a minute! maryland has... uh... uh... hey, is that maryland behind you? [runs away as soon as you turn around]
Say this to serbians, and they will provide.
yeah, but they do have a place called Admiral Fell's Inn, plus how couldn't you love a place that bred Spiro Agnew(he is the republican who got caught by other republicans looking for crooked democrats???)
Maryland...meh
Say no to Maryland.
What's a Maryland. This is going to ruin my day. Shit!
Maryland? I hardly even know her!
My god, I'm surrounded by morons.
And what are we supposed to do with Mary?
Silly Serbs. Conquering a region that doesn't even exist,
Maryland? Sounds like a little kid sat on a hill and declared himself king.
Methinks your comments about Maine show you have been reading too much Stephen King. As for Maryland, I have had a spite at it since I was a kid, for reasons I will not divulge here. (:
The way you keep talking the land won't be that merry...
c'mon Baltimore...John Waters. Pink Flamingos.
A DRAG QUEEN ATE DOG SHIT...FOR REAL.
"Marylan😛 The Shit Eating Capital of the Northeast!"
but sorry Marylanders (excuse me) theoretically non-mythical Marylanders, the Shit Eating Capital of the World is and will always be Texas.
says this Okie anyway 😉
It's quite the contrary; Maryland is possibly the third most important region of eUSA after, of course, Texas and North Dakotistan.
Totally indispensable. Think about it.
No Maryland= No Linda Hamilton ; No Linda Hamilton= No Terminator.
Apart of the obvious appalling consequences that this would have had on the existance itself of the erepublikan eRussian skynet, the lack of a cultural reference to the Terminator would deprive the world from meme'ing "I'll be back, Virginia!" (Spain), or "No problemo, Texas je Srbija" (Serbia), or "your anus, America, give it to me nao! kurwa!"(Poland) and etc...
@BBg2010: Excellent point, of course. But I think it only emphasizes, really, why Baltimore should just be considered part of our collective federal heritage rather than squirreled away under this bizarre "Maryland" entity.
@Maegalodonus: I had totally missed the importance of North Dakotistan. Thank you. And your careful deconstruction of the memescape is masterful. I am retreating in awe now to my inner sanctum in order to review the flaws in my logical constructs.
v
the Star Spangled Banner
Edgar Allan Poe
crab cakes
Annapolis
Cal Ripken
good article otherwise though, voted
@PhoenixQuinn: For that purposes I would strogly reccomend you a 6 weeks stay in one of Bhutan's Monasteries, feeding your body only with yak's milk and morning's dew until you contemplate the ultimate illumination.
@Maegalodonus: It's beautiful here in Bhutan. Thanks for the advice. The morning dew is delicious; still dealing with the yak's milk. I have received the jar, the crown, the scepter and the bell. Still waiting with a finely-honed sense of panic for my secret name.
damn it I saw this toooo late.
Save Maryland save The Wire!!