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Dementia the new term for batshit crazy. Or is batshit crazy the new word for dementia. Either way it has become the colloquial term for people older than 75. Mildred is neither. However she likes the freedom the term gives her to torture the young. Its 3 o'clock in the afternoon and she is one her way to Freddy's General Dealer. At this time most of the crowd has left. The staff is nervously tense after the last few hours.

She opens the door and...

Today the funniest thing happened to me I was on my way to Wally to get the latest Bob Marley CD I ordered from him.

I didn’t see him around but the rude one was standing there eyeing me. This has not been his first torture. Quietly I approached him and said in my sweetest voice "Hello sir you don’t perchance know where Wally is the black boy that works here" Silence greeted me and he looked at me angrily. I know I have offended the rude one and looked forward to the next battle. The term he spelt out is African American there is NO BLACK Boy working here but we have a Wally an African American Boy are you referring to him. Yes I said. He is sick for the day he said and looked at me like he just won the Monte Carlo. Oh I said and just stood there. After a few seconds he said, " Are you looking for something else? Yes I said. WHAT! I am looking for paint young man. He turned towards the paint that was behind him. What Color he asked! Oh I said can I have a can of African American and a small can of European American I want to blend them to Native American. You are so funny he spat out and placed the paint hard on the counter. Thank you young man I said. 15.99 he said. Yes I said that was a fine year many glorious things happened in that year. No he said its 15.99 and I could see the vein throbbing in his forehead. What is I asked? The fucking items you wanna buy you cow is 15.99. Oh you meant to say "Dear customer the price of the items you wish to purchase is the sum of 15.99. Yes yes he said now pay and get the fuck out of my shop. Ok I will pay I nearly snickered at this point but years and years of restraint pulled me through. Quietly I turned to my bag and started taking out the coins. 50 Coins it took. Slowly I neatly stacked it in front of him. Counting it one by one. At the last one I scratched in my bag for about 2 minutes. LEAVE HE SCREAMED LEAVE .A discount I said how pleasant. But I stood there. I could see he is close to exploding and then slowly said Arent you forgetting something. WHAT AM I FORGETTING WHAT WHAT. Oh I said you told me to get the fuck out of here wouldnt that require some sexual act. He cracked then and started babbling incoherent foul language too foul for this read. Neatly I turned and laughed out loud when I was out of his hearing range.

Mildred Smith Age 76 (Retired School Teacher)

aka Grainne.