Vote Jizzie for President! Everyone Needs a Dose of Jizz Now and Then

Day 464, 10:42 • Published in South Africa Sweden • by Jizzie McGuire

Greetings to all my fellow eSouth Africans. This feels so weird doing this, but here I am, with my new suit on and newly polished glasses, and my "protection," Kiwi and Rico at my side. I have to say, I started in eSouth Africa with no intentions of ever running for higher office, not even Congress, but things change and many months of struggle, foreign dominance and internal strife, the Black Lion Front has seen fit to nominate me for the presidency of eSouth Africa. In this article I will first explain to you why I was chosen and after that, I will briefly outline my platform. I do not intend to attack or criticize any other party, as I plan to work with all of eSouth Africa's parties as president. I try to judge the individual based on their achievements, intelligence and character more than his or her choice of party. I will be discussing the disagreements I have with my opponents' platforms and policies, but that is for a future article.

For those of you who don't know me, I am Jizzie McGuire and have been a citizen of eSouth Africa for over 7 months now. I was born in North Cape just before the Indonesian invasion, after which I suffered for 2 weeks under Indonesian occupation. A mocing ticket sent by Deus Ex brought me out of the occupied lands into free eSouth Africa on August 10. Since then I have worked for Bong Belly, a company founded by myself and other BLF members to feed hungry eSouth Africans, I have fought against eIndonesia and their allies in countries throughout the Americas and Europe, am currently serving my third term in Congress, and am also the current Vice President of eSouth Africa.

During my time in this country, I have also tried hard to maintain good relations with the BLF's rival parties. Sure, I have often been outspoken in my support of BLF members and policies, but I have been equally critical of them, as was the case when Brendan Austerion banned Black8shadow from the eSA forum. Black8 can attest that I was instrumental in getting him back his forum privileges. As Vice President, I have worked closely with FA members like Black8, ERDWURM, and Browski, and as president, I will make sure this continues. I may have my disagreements with certain FA members, but I have never and will never slander or cheat them or members of any party.

Even though it may be unpopular in conservative circles, I have also reached out to far-left parties like the SACP and the DAS, because as eSouth Africans, their voices also must be heard, no matter how small their numbers. Members of those parties as well as the FA and BLF, will be given positions of power and responsibility in a Jizzibald administration. As a founding member of a BLF that started as a far-left fringe group, I know what it is like to be ignored and left with little say in the future of your country. As president, I promise to open up the administration to all citizens and will listen to the concerns of everyone, regardless of party.

You might be thinking, "eSouth Africa has never had such an active, sexy president. What will he do? Will the women be safe?"

Well fear not, my friends. Your country and your women will be safe, happy and prosperous under the strong and warm hand of 'ol Jizzer. I will be the most visible and accessible president this country has ever known, and part of that open door policy will be weekly "fireside chats" in which I will give updates on our nation's progress and plans for the future. I will also answer questions posed here, on the eSA forum, and in pms whenever possible. I will be ably supported in the field of economics by my longtime friend and financial guru, Hireshmont Vellos, while other key cabinet posts will be occupied by the trusted and steady hands of longtime eSA citizens from the BLF, FA, SACP and DAS. I am also open to members from other parties that I am yet to learn much about.

As president, I will work to make this country strong in the fields of economics, diplomacy and the military, while at the same time I foresee our people working more closely together to make us more secure from real dangers from abroad. I plan to attack the issues that confront us in several ways. Besides working with all parties, making the government transparent, and giving weekly updates, I wll also do the following:

- With Hireshmont's help, we will lower taxes on diamonds as well as reduce income and VAT taxes in manufacturing and construction. At the same time, as Congressman, I helped to protect our native construction business by raising the tariff to 50% after ill-advised legislation brought it to dangerously low levels. I am a friend of eSA business and will do all I can to protect it and help it thrive.

- I will initiate a Wellness program that involves the gifting of new, sickly and war-wounded citizens. The BLF is already working on something like this, and I would like to make it a national program.

- Continue to pursue trade and protection negotiations with friendly nations like eArgentina, eUSA, eUK and others. Deals that have come so close to fruition under ERDWURM must be finalized. Koror's grain for diamonds deal with eArgentina will be key, and Browski will be encouraged and empowered to continue his Liberation-minded foreign policy activity that he so ably took over after the unsexy departure of Taylor.

- Have real negotiations with the eIndonesians regarding the return of our land, but maintain a hard line. We will fight for our land before we surrender our independence or our treasury for it. Most of you know that I have always been a hawk when it comes to the Indos, so relations will be approached delicately and only with the most qualified ambassador. I vow to treat all eIndonesians with respect as long as they respect our people, and will welcome any who remain and want to work with us after our lands our liberated.

- Continue the growth of our organized military units and begin work on defenses and hospitals that have been discussed for way too long now. Brendan has done an excellent job organizing and getting experience for our soldiers, and will be given continued support in his endeavors. A large, well-trained and experienced force will be needed to show the Indos and others that we are not to be trifled with, while it will win the respect of our allies. They may also be needed to fight for our country in the not-so-distant future.

- Streamline the government and constitution. A panel of individuals from eSA's parties will be appointed to examine the current constitution and make any changes necessary to make it more clear, concise and democratic. Cabinet positions will also be looked at so that redundant positions and those that have no real responsibility can be eliminated, and so that each minister has responsibilities that do not overlap those of other ministries.

- Though I have personally provided moving tickets (and gifts) to those in need, I can only do so much as an individual in the food biz. As president, I will enact a program that will provide free moving tickets to eSouth Africans who remain in Indo-occupied lands and want to come home. Once here, they will benefit from our Wellness Program so that they can quickly become active and productive members of eSouth Africa.

Regardless of who you vote for, I hope to see all eSouth Africans get out and vote for our next president. However, I do ask that you think about the future of eSouth Africa as well as where it has been. As a trained and educated historian, I know the value of looking into the past to learn lessons that need to be remembered for the present and future. I will examine what has been done well and what has not to determine where we should go, and will not rely on rigid ideologies or accepted norms to accomplish our goals. My BLF comrades will undoubtedly shout and write about why I should be elected and why our opponents should not, and there is not much I can do to control their passionate and sometimes rabid outpourings. However, you can be assured that Jizzie will stay sexy and as the sexiest president on the e-planet, I will bring us all together as one strong, unified and internationally respected e-nation. So get out there and tell the world "I love Jizz!" Long live eSouth Africa!