Join the new world

I will start, as is the tradition here in eUK, at the beginning. The story begins with our young hero, Parrington. Who, in his enthusiastic jest for erepublik, decided that he'd try and tickle the humour of our good-humoured citizenry, publishing a critically acclaimed article, equivocally name 'Tommy, Prince of eUK'. Naturally, the messages of delight and expressions of gratitude flooded the comments section of this article. Of course they did, it was produced using the pulsating power of his special mind and the stunning sophidtication of his written expression.

But one comment, one snide, dastardly comment was speared from the horrid, spurious congressman Bob Boblo. He did praise the article, naturally even someone of his intense obnoxtion would have to offer some credit. But the truly loathesome part of the comment was the following part. Bob placed down a link to his shameful, allegedly sattirical paper, and even linked to an article, in a furtive attempt to snatch readers from this immense new publication.

Soon with Parringtons reaction, the shrewdness of Bob's comment came to being. Seeing this comment written big and bold upon the screen ahead of him incited his annoyance. He knew he should cast aside his instinct to hit back and expostulate, but alas, his penchant for challenging those who challenge him impeached all rational thinking, and instead of picking up his pen and marching back into the media battleground with dignity, he chose to put his fledging credibility on the line, and layed a gauntlet to Bob. A wager, a challenge, a dual of such epic proportions that only one satirist would be able to show his face in the bewildered eye of the public again.

Bobs plan was set in motion, as he bode his time, and waited patiently until finally the inevitable happened. Upon reading of this challenge, a man with the most incredible magnitude of arrogance and self assurance, saw it, and despite Dish not being a regular satirist, he insisted that he be part of such a historic contest.

As soon as this happened, Bob knew his calculations and schemes had come to fruition. The very moment Dish made his challenge, Bob crept out from the murky shadows of his abode, and proclaimed that he was removing himself from the contest to allow Dish to compete. It appeared a noble act and indeed would have attracted great praise and re-evalution of Bobs despicability, but in only his next drop of tongue he threw this notion into the proverbial dustbin, by announcing he would judge the contest.

The gathered masses furiosly produced cries of discontent at the choice of judge but these were quelled over time as anticipation of the great satire contest sprung. Who would win? Who would be offensive? Who would point out the many flaws of the United Kingdom Reform Party? But as things approached, another twist was planted on this extraordinary tale.

With the contest only on the morrow, Bob stepped forward to the dissparoving public and announced he had invited Tommy Tommasino and Digby Chicken-Ceasar, from the shadowy underground of satire, to take part in this once exclusive contest. Some accpeted it as an interesting new direction, but most thought of this as yet another abhorrent attempt to inflict defeat on his new rival. With such excitment and anxiety rampant, it was agreed that a group of the nations finest litery experts should travel on a sattirical pilgrimage and carve the events of the fatful day on holy tablets of stone so that they might never be forgotten.

They day arrived at last, and as the Bob-dissenters unleashed their final slurry of insults, Dish struck first with a scathing attack on his former idol Admin. Parrington was quick to respond with a sattirical national anthem, and Tomassino and Digby both pit forward quality publications.

Only one question remained. Who would have their name written in eRepublik folklore? It all rested on the deceitful cretin Bob. Unsurprisingly, huge amount of people huddled the halls of Holderness to find out if their favourite son had won the key to the noble history of satire on his home soil.

Bob stepped out slowly, in a contrived manner, and looked out upon the many Yorshirmen and women before him, and raised his voice, and with great assertion insisted that it was a contest that could only be decided by democracy!

The people rejoiced, celebrated and even heaped upon Bob. But with a sudden deft movemont, the hopes were dashed. Ad the gate to the Holderness voting halls were opened, all that could be seen inside them were the thousands of multis belonging to our self serving, ghastly judge.

Hope was not ripe and melancholy passed throguh out great lands. Looks of anguish had replaced looks of optimism as Bob stepped out once again.

The winner was Tommasino.

Dejected, angry, disappointed. Words struggles to describe the morale of the nation upon this grave announcment. Bob's scheming had paid off, and the UKs satire would be left misled into the hands of the underground.

Until, Sir Digby took a stand for what is right in this world. He marched upon Bob's podium, took a moment to express his immense gratitude for the two votes of which he was credited, and then made a bold proclamation. For he told all, how the ballot paper had spelled Parringtons name wrong and the poll was void! There were no winners!

Bob made a swift exit from Holderness and his exact location has yet to be found. Tomassino, saw the light and joined the cause of Parrington and Digby. However, a stubborn Dish refused to accept defeat, and told of how he would crush, before receiving his karmic punishment as he contracted the black plague.

Will Bob ever return to the hallowed halls of Holderness? Will Dish ever recover? Was this the satire contest to end all satire contests?

We do not know.

However, what we do know is that in the hands of Parrington, Digby and Tomassino, the future of eUK satire is in safe hands