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Puns - rather bad ones, but I lol'd


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2. A set of jump leads walks into a bar.

The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, just don't start anything.'


3. Two peanuts walk into a bar,

they left when they found one was a salted.


4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.


5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm,

and says: 'A beer for me, and one for the road.'


6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

'I think this one tastes a bit funny.'


7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'

'Is it common?'

'Well, It's Not Unusual.'


8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'

Dolly exclaims, 'Really Daisy, no bull?'


9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.



10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.


11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,

but I couldn't find any.


12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'

The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'


13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.


14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ?

A fsh.


15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'


16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.

It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


17. A group of chess enthusiasts were standing in the Hotel lobby
discussing their recent tournament victories

2 hours later, they were still there rabbitting on about their wins.
So the manager came over and asked them to move on.

'But why?' they asked, as they started to leave.

'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'


18. A woman has identical twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'

The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal.'


19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,

He suffered from bad breath.

This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.