[I is Nigerian Prince, You Help My Peoplz]

Day 475, 15:30 • Published in USA USA • by Ian John Locke IV

I am quite frankly tired of all these articles that reach the top 5 news asking me to help some country that can't help itself!

I mean the gall of these people.

I don't even care what they want from me, I regard it as I do those spam messages that GMail fails to block from those stupid Nigerian Princes looking for me to wire my millions of pennies from my bank accounts to their bank accounts.

What has sparked this article is the one in the top five "Help us, help Ukraine!"

I have a few problems with this article.

[One]

Clearly this person cares not about making the article enjoyable to read. Sanya18, if you're reading this, I ask you, "WHERE ARE TEH LULZ?!"

I see no humor in this, no request for the Media Mogul Medal or any promise for gold or cash. What have you to offer? A new tourist attraction? War at our own expense? I see no fun in this. And I personally stand nothing to gain from Ukraine's freedom, so I ask again, why bother asking me to help you?

[Two]

I actually believe in enslaving foreign cultures, especially ones that refuse to speak "the English." I mean why not? They refuse to learn about our culture, so why bother learning about theirs?

Everyone misunderstands Americans. Everyone thinks we want Freedom for the world. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS?! Sure we like our own freedom, but what do we care about others' freedom? We're no God-sends or saviors. We're not your Jesus.

[Three]

Unless I slept through the breaking up of the greatest rock band ever, Atlantis, the US is allies with Romania. Correct me if I'm wrong here.

Sure there are Americans who don't believe Romania should be our ally, but they should be kicked out of the USA. They don't love American pie, they just like to shove their feelings of inferiority down other peoples' throats. Why should I care if your strength is 2.34 and the average Romanian's strength is 3.38. That's not our fault that you suck.

Leave America, go join the Ukraine!

[Four]

You can't become a "democratic nation, like the Great America!" because there is no nation by that name. I have never heard of Great America, Great Britain, yeah sure, but not Great America. If this is another Martin Sunter prank, where's the perma ban?

[Five]

Oppression is the key to a successful democracy like the US. Have you not seen our war with Mexico?

[Six]

If you want us to build your democracy, join the US as a region! Then we can use our tax dollars for you.

And if you don't want to become a state of the US, then try to find people who would wish to live in your third world nation and get them to help you. No American with their Q5 house and Q3 food (not me, I'm not that rich) would ever want to live in those Ukrainian slums.

[Seven]

Unless you all die of inactivity, I see no reason for you all to need help to "live".

There you have it, my seven reasons why articles asking us busy, and important Americans to help out third world citizens, should cost players forfeit points.

__________________
[Disclaimer]

The above article was written for the pure purpose of lulz and out of total boredom. If I had either the cash or gold to go help Ukraine fight, I would.

As some of you know, I enjoy targeting articles with similar themes that get annoying after seeing so many.

Hope this reaches everyone well,

Yours truly,
Long live the US
Long live Ukrainian dreams of Freedom (j/k again)
IJLIV