Canada: A Victorious State.

Day 2,300, 19:40 • Published in Canada Canada • by Xander Kross

Situations are tense, brothers and comrades. But, at the same time, it's all really quite hilarious. I am having a grand old time reading through the Murikan media, seeing how little they realize their own foolishness and how easily they swallow even the most outrageous lies and transparent propaganda, and then vomit it back out as terrifying fact.

Let's take this "failed state" article, for starters. HERE is a handy link in case you missed it.

A shining piece of Murikan propaganda, written by a very confused, hatemongering citizen of Cyprus. It suggests that Canada should be perfectly content to be a puppet state for whosoever wishes to dominate her, and to thank her kind, benevolent overlord for table scraps and continued slavery. It suggests that Canada should shut its wet mouth and be grateful that Murika is so wonderful and kind and knows well how to treat its pets - no matter how wayward and ornery those pets might be.

POPPYCOCK! All of it. An entertaining read, but ultimately absent of fact or merit. I recommend reading it as a lesson on how to offer a compelling argument using only misdirection, opinion, false comparisons and circular logic, and avoiding any kind of fact.



I find it delightful that the article calls Canadians "racist," right off the bat. He hurls stones at us for saying such terribly mean and hateful things about them in the media. Well, let's look at some comments and and whatnot, culled from a number of different published articles.

"Kanada is irrelevant..." - morningblur, Murikan citizen.
"The only good Kanadian is a dead Kanadian." - Publius, Murikan Congress Member
"Lol dumb Canada." - TellUrGrlThx, then Murikan Minister of Education, currently governor
"Kanaderp" - Disco Musolini, then Murikan Minister of Defense
"Kanada..." - Wild Owl, then Murikan Country President, in presidential addresses, current Minister of Foreign Affairs
"I fully support permanent anti-Kanadian policy." - Kemal Ergenekon, confused eCyprus citizen, author of the propaganda piece.

If saying perjorative things about people from another country is "racist" (it's actually not - Murikan is a nationality, not a race), then the author and the government he defends is "racist" by the very same definition. But no one in "Kanadia" is going to hammer that pointless and obfuscatory nail. Opponents trash-talk one another. Are we supposed to sing praises? Compose sonnets? Murika invaded us - what rational person would expect us to speak kindly, especially when inundated with unceasing American scorn, condescension and ridicule at every possible turn?

The author (Kemal Ergenekon, be sure to drop him a note) pursues pointless chicken-and-egg arguments and makes completely self-defeating statements - for example, the bit about how government-funded Murikan military units "saved" Canada from an attack by the Murikan government, and how this means Canada is so very fortunate to live next to such a generous and benevolent super-power. If anything, it is evidence that even the Murikan people - some of whom are sane and reasonable - cannot trust their own elected officials and must revolt against them to preserve sanity. No other country in the eWorld does this? Of course not. No other country is run by such a broken pack of drooling cretins.



Of course, that was last term's pack of drooling cretins. Oh wait - our old friend Wild Owl is this term's Minister of Foreign Affairs. Many of the same anti-Canadian officials have been recycled under Gnilraps' regime. Murika hates the rest of the world, and they put their resident psychopaths in the official positions to prove it. Some of us held hope that Gnilraps would be an improvement over the last psychopath, but then he offers us this bit of lunacy:

"There was quite a bit of noise about Canada leading into the election. Among other things, I offered to negotiate with Canada, but I indicated that it was beyond my capacity to do so until their ties were cut with eSerbia. They have not yet cut ties with eSerbia. So I have not begun any talks with them.

"Canada has sovereignty to cavort with whomever they want. But they cannot dictate our Foreign Policy. We will not engage in talks with them while they are in bed with our enemy, and expecting us to do otherwise is a big mistake on their part."

By Canada not allowing Murika to dictate Canadian foreign policy... we attempt to dictate Murika foreign policy? I guess that is because Murika's foreign policy is to dictate other countries' foreign policy. In that case, they can go piss up a rope. Simply put, nobody tells Canada what it must do and who it must be friends with - not Serbia, and certainly not Murika.

I will agree that a big mistake was made on our part - we expected Gnilraps to be a step up from his predecessor, to be reasonable and amenable to views that were not Wild Owl's delusional jingoist rhetoric. I hereby personally apologize to Gnilraps: I am sorry I expected you to be anything but a sock puppet.


Gnilraps' understanding of diplomacy.

Comrades, I tell you: this Serbia excuse is a smokescreen.

Murika went looking for a war they could win, and for resources they felt they could control in the long term. Canada, having been invaded and mostly conquered by their allies in Spain and Poland, was a ripe target. Our strength was tied up against the stronger enemies and we had regions they could take from us easily. It was an easy fight. But the attack had to be framed in a way that didn't make the Murikan government look like a pack of greedy bullies, so they jumped on our MPP with Serbia and our attack on eUK as their reasons for "dispensing Justice."

Those justifications sound perfectly reasonable. But it is a load of hot, steaming poppycock.

The attack on eUK was ill-advised on our part. Everyone knows this. They had just rejected our proposal of a training war, but we went in anyway to help our friends in France and Norway. A bad call on our part, but not one we should ever regret - our history with eUK has always been boisterous and combative, and it is never wrong to help a friend in need. The retaliation went above and beyond what was necessary, but we paid for our incaution. That debt is settled, with interest. Ask Spain.

It is likely as a result of this incaution that we were denied entry into Sirius. Some claim the Murikans blocked us from entry, some Murikans (who are famous for their revisionism) claim no such approach was ever made. In truth, it may have been a three-way coalition of eUK, eSpain and ePoland shutting us out. Regardless, having been denied entry to the one super-power alliance, we went to the other: Asteria. Chalking that up as an ultimate betrayal of a "Broliance" is ridiculous. I won't say that Asteria was Canada's "Plan B," because Asteria is a fine organization, and the Serbians are a proud and mighty people. But we had exactly two options, and the first option - teaming up with our bloody-minded next door neighbor - was denied.



In case it has failed to register in anyone's mind, Canada will not be cowed. We will take steps to ensure our own sovereignty and independence against any foe, regardless of our disparate size. Of course we are not going to sit around and twiddle our winkies and just hope that the rest of the world allows us to exist peacefully while we skip and frolic through flower-filled meadows. We took steps, as Murika did, to ensure that we would not be pathetic, mewling victims begging to be conquered (which Kemal Ergenekon assures us is a perfectly lovely situation for Cyprus). We are not going to be timid little lapdogs - we are going to bite the hand that strikes us, even though the striker is far bigger and stronger than we. It is pure arrogance to assume that we would simply shrug our shoulders, hope for the best and be meek and passive when our clear enemies were banding together in one big group. Calling it a "betrayal" is absurd, and Murika should be ashamed that their leaders would utter such poppycock.

It boggles my mind that I must use that word three times in one article, but there it is.

Murika now has a foothold in Europe, where they can confront their most hated of foes directly. There is a thin bridge of perhaps two regions separating their conquered regions in France from Serbia's conquered regions in the Mediterranean. Nothing is stopping Murika from closing that gap and confronting their most hated enemy directly. Instead, they would rather fight Serbia's "proxies," because they are cowards and only want to pick fights they are certain they can win. This is why they have decided to once again invade and wipe Japan, who have no alliance and are small and non-aggressive - Japan is tiny and cannot realistically fight back.

This is why they attacked Canada. Not because we allied with Serbia - obviously they do not hate Serbia enough to actually fight them directly - but because they thought they saw a fight they could easily win, and resources they could easily hold. And they did for a few days. But all of Wild Owl's chest-thumping bluster about a "perma-wipe" as a form of good old-fashioned Murikan justice for Canada's daring to side with their enemy is just a lot of smoke and misdirection.

Poor Murikans. The truth is, they are now scared of us. We have shown them that we will not be slaves, and that their visions of Manifest Destiny are a load of hot, steaming poppycock - yes, four times now. They now claim that they fear Serbia will wipe them using Canada as its proxy. Those two regions separating them from Serbia will never be conquered out of fear of sharing a border. They are terrified of an enemy that is bigger and stronger than they are.

Perhaps they should have asked us for some tips on how to deal with a situation like that.

Hail LETO! Hail Asteria! Hail Canada!