Join the new world

(or, How to Escape from the Netherworld in Eight Easy Steps.)


I was annoyed. Although I agreed with the decision, the ULJ Party Presidency had been chosen in a smoke-filled room, and when I got back from voting on Tuesday, not only had my skin gotten all sooty, but I'd tripped and lost my glasses. I only barely got back home before collapsing. However, I was awakened by a loud knocking at my chamber door. It was Naoto Shirogane.



She looked exhausted. I quickly helped her up from the sidewalk and guided her into my apartment. The back door is right by the bedroom so it was a short walk.

Once I'd got her situated in the tea room with a tall glass of water, I asked her what was the matter. I hardly expected the adventure that was to ensue when Shirogane-san presented me with this car😛

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Shirogane Detective Agency
We solve the mysteries, so you don't have to.

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I studied the card intently, then whistled. "That far already, huh? Haruhi Suzumiya isn't going to like this." I probably should have known better than to actually say her name; it might have come back to haunt me later.

"What do you mean?" Shirogane-san asked. "It would take a bit to explain," I said. "Suffice it to say that even before you tell me anything, I can tell: Bringing her back will be complicated."

She looked at me with an odd expression until I wondered if I'd made a faux pas. Then it clicked. "This isn't about Nanako-chan?" Shirogane-san's face told me all I'd needed to know: That hadn't happened yet for her. Oh brother.

"I've been hired to investigate this woman." The photograph confirmed what I already knew: This was going to be one wild ride.


Ms. Aeris Gainsborough, best known as the tragic heroine of Final Fantasy VII, which makes a whole lot more sense than Ultima anything.

"What do you want with me?" I asked.

Shirogane-san shook her head. "I was hoping to see Sophia Forrester."

Oh great. Not only was I missing my glasses, but I didn't even look like myself anymore. It's at times like this when I wonder if Merlin of Chaos didn't have it right. Of course, if I had to wonder I wouldn't be sitting here now: It's hard to beat Chaos when you're not even willing to restore the power of the ORBS.

I dodged the implied question. "I can take a message for her." Shirogane-san's face fell. I quickly continued, "Or if you prefer, we can look for her. She can't have gone far." Without waiting to hear whether Shirogane-san thought I meant myself or Ms. Gainsborough, I left the apartment.

Luckily, she followed. I knew she would be okay, but I wouldn't have wanted to worry about her opening the closet with the octopus balloon. If she were startled, her bullets might make a mark on the carpet.

"Now, just a word of warning," I said. "This will probably look like a bad Dante Aligheri fanfic. Furthermore, this journey is not guaranteed safe for Dioists, vampires, shadows of Amberite royalty, Darkstalkers, Ewigilen, Volunteer Army members, or contrarian Discordianists. There are no Sumafia anywhere, but what you don't know might hurt you depending on whether you let it. Still coming?"

"Doesn't sound like I have a choice."

"Good girl." Oh, crap. She just, looked at me.

"How did you know?"

"I've done my homework." Okay, at least now she thought I was wiser than I actually am. It's not like I could tell her that I'd seen her picture in a video game.

"Hmm. I hadn't actually realized that the rumors had spread so fast."

"They probably haven't," I assured her. "But where we're going, spoilers are assumed. It's where crossovers come from, where the Enlightened dwell, and where the ghosts of Mu and Nu are lurking. So, consider yourself warned."

She was quiet after that, until we got to the robot.


"Input security clearance," was its monotone bleep.

I made a nervous grin. "So it's Paranoia for the first hurdle?"

"Beige security clearance or higher required to continue."

"Crap," I said. To Shirogane-san, I explained, "If it's from Alpha Complex, it's been reprogrammed. There isn't actually a Beige security clearance." This didn't answer any of her questions, but it made me feel better, because I'd made a perfunctory effort to explain myself.

Now to business. I could have invoked a forbidden angel, but that would be cheating. I could have used my palm, but the smoke was still on it and I honestly wasn't sure what I'd register as. If it read me as Infrared because of the interference, I might be lasered on the spot.

"Do you have any green or brown construction paper?" I asked Shirogane-san. Her glum expression told me she was fresh out.

My next step was to gather yarrow stalks. Thirty-nine. "No way out, hmm..." I murmured to myself. There were fifty in total, but I only needed forty-nine, and I was left with forty-seven. That reminded me of a friend of mine, who had told me something about a giant bucket. It was at a time like this that I was grateful for my B.A. degree.

"Shirogane-san, we'll have to go around. No one sells goggles in Vector, anyway."

I was glad that that didn't take as much time as I'd been afraid of. We ended up on a savannah-like grassland and I heard an odd howling in the distance.

"Uwaaa-oh!"

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" I responded.

Nothing happened. I realized then that I looked nothing like Mr. Thou.

"Shirogane-san, let's go back. I remembered something." She followed. The explanation of why I looked like the Rose Bride would have to wait.


After I showered, I had put on a different cosplay outfit. Infel looked close enough to my namesake that I didn't have any trouble establishing my identity this time. Oh, and I found my glasses on my nightstand. I guess I'd left them behind on Tuesday. Had it really taken me half a week to realize?

I did a Tarot reading for Shirogane-san that put her on the right track. The details are in confidence, but those who know Aeris can probably guess. And this way, I hadn't had to fight Itsuki-kun or learn the truth about Alex Rowe. Not bad for a Saturday evening.

I still had to keep a promise to Flonne, but that could happen in its own time.