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Our ePrime Minister, Cottus Arci, recently stated in a public announcement a plan to help fortify the state of Western Australia. As everyone knows, the eBrazilians attacked the largest state in eAustralia and quickly conquered it. Cottus wants at least 1000 eAustralians to move to the state to help defend it from future invasions.

The plan seems to be accepted by the public of eAustralia. Everyone from Australian National Cricket Assocation President Br0adside to even our own ePrime Minister Cottus Arci has made the big journey across the eOutback and has settled in the city of Perth.

The population of Perth is growing all to ensure the fall of Western Australia, eAustralia’s most valued region, will never fall into enemy hands again. This appears to be well accepted by everyone – but has anyone taken the time to think about what the true citizens of Perth think of this massive migration to the West?

Clearly the people of Perth have been ignored. Their cries of outrage and annoyance have been drowned out by everyone else talking about how this is going to help them and eAustralia as a whole. They don’t have a voice but I will be their voice, eAustralia. I went to Perth recently to see how this migration has had its effects on the city of Perth. By me, I mean I sent a reporter down to investigate. There’s no way I’d be caught dead in a dump like Perth!

I must say – what my reporter brought back to me was more disturbing and disgusting than what originally thought. What I am going to reveal to you eAustralia is the truth that our government is trying to hide. They’d like to pretend that this is for the better of Western Australia and for the better of eAustralia, but what this mad rush has created is a place of anarchy for outlaws! Fear not good people of Perth, I will tell eAustralia about the blight that is infecting your once "proud" city.

When my reporter stepped out onto the streets of Perth, he said the hostility was so thick one could cut it with a knife. Yes I know that it might be a terrible cliché to use, but seriously, he swears he had to carry a knife with him at all times to defend himself from the hostile gangs that have seemingly taken over the streets!



There was one event that the reporter recalled involving a group of youths wearing hoodies and “Scream” masks. They approached an elderly woman in a wheelchair who was waiting at a busy intersection. The youths surrounded the woman as they waited for the pedestrian lights to go green. “Walk” appeared and the youths walked behind the old lady as she wheeled herself down the road.

As she got halfway the old lady turned around, flipped her blanket off her lap and removed an M16. She screamed “Give me all of your bling you little punk b****es!” and the youths fled in horror. She opened fire on them, hitting a few of them before turning her attention to other innocent parties around her.

My reporter and his photographer fled the scene as quick as they could. They asked the locals who those boys were and they were known to be nice kids who help the community out often. They asked who that old woman was and it turns out she was one of the many people who have moved into Perth because of Cottus Arci’s plan to help protect Perth.

Help protect Perth by bringing in this crazy old citizen? This was just the beginning eAustralia! Perth had gone from a below average city to a violent, gang infested below average city!

Gangs in libraries. Gangs in schools. Gangs out on the street day and night. There are constant clashes with police and between rival gangs. You want to get money out of the ATM? There’s bound to be a gang member waiting for you there. Did you want to take your kid to the circus? Good luck with that. I’m sure your kids are going to enjoy seeing Bozo the Clown choking his hoes for not doing their rounds.



You think the parks are safe? In your dreams! My reporter told me that the once beautiful Kings Park has been completely overrun by all kinds of crime! Prostitution, drug trafficking, and the selling of illegal copies of video games and music as just a few of the travesties taking place in this once peaceful and pretty place. The gangs infest Kings Park just like maggots infesting a dead corpse. Sorry to make you gag, but if you took one look at this park you’d most likely vomit in disgust. I know I almost did. Look at it – filth!

Don’t be fooled eAustralia Perth NEVER had any of these renegades hanging around the public. These are all people who moved to Perth on the advice of our ePrime Minister. Yes, he might have had a good plan but bringing these people is doing more harm than good! They have taken advantage of something that should have helped the poor people of Perth!

Oh don’t worry - There’s still more terror to be told. So you can’t go to the park. What about a nice stroll down the river? It’s a perfectly god idea if you ask me – only the once wonderful Swan River is now the home to river bandits and pirates. That’s right, even the waters aren’t safe anymore. My reporter saw it with his own eyes! He recalls a story in which a terrible event took place on this once clean waters.

There was a boat traveling up the Swan River – just your normal, average boat boarded by a few happy couples. As they traversed the pristine waters of the Swan River, a rundown tugboat appeared carrying a group of rough looking men. They boarded the boat armed with hatchets, broken bottles and chains. It looked as if the young couples were in danger but lucky for them a river cruise boat appeared. On board were dozens of well dressed citizens who came to the aid of the couples in danger.



The bandits were driven back to their crappy little tugboat thanks to the heroic efforts of these rich snobs. As the bandits took off back down the river, those on the cruise boat attacked the couple they had saved! The captain of the boat said that these were his waters and his crew will take items from their boat to pay the toll. They stole their fishing poles, their money, and even took their women.

My reporter asked some locals about these river pirates and they said they never had this problem before, ever! The pirates came with the large crowd of people who moved to Western Australia – the same crowd of people who moved to Western Australia because of Cottus Arci’s encouragement.

You still don’t believe me? Do you think that everything my reporter has told me? Do you not believe the pictures that you see with your very own eyes? These words are real as are the photos you see. This is real eAustralia and this is happening! Perhaps you need to hear it from the mouth of a local Perth citizen to understand what is going on here. Lucky for you, we got in contact with a creditable source.

Ezekiel Thomas is just one of the handfuls of original Perth residents who has put up with the scourge that has invaded this once peaceful state. I spoke to Ezekiel Thomas over the phone and told him to give his thoughts on what Cottus is doing. He said the following:

“It’s terrible, just terrible. People can’t go out at night and buy drugs in the park anymore without looking over their shoulders incase there are gang members around. I can’t even take my family out at night for our weekend family activities. We can’t go out and rob other families since these gangs have already hit the homes we normally ransack! How am I meant to put food on my family’s table if everyone I’ve been shaking down for money has already been shaken down!?”



“Perth is an even worse place to live in now. You can’t live here with a family anymore. Ever since Cottus told people to move here our crime rate has tripled. Shack settlements are popping up all over Perth due to the over populating. These new slums are threatening the property values of the neighbouring and well established slums we already have. Soon our food and water supplies are going to be absorbed and us good Perth people are going to turn on our fellow brothers and sisters to survive.”

Did Cottus Arci make the right decision in encouraging people to move to Western Australia to develop a strong defense to fend off a future attack from eBrazil or eIndonesia? His intentions may have been good but they have been disastrous for the innocent people of Perth who now have to put up with hordes of unwanted new neighbours.

I’ve has seen the state Perth was left in after eIndonesia was removed from Western Australia. I’ve seen the state Perth was left in after eBrazil was driven out from its streets. I’ve now seen what Perth looks like now and I can safely say this: it’s worse than it has ever been before.

I’d like to give a big message to our ePrime Minister. Mr. Cottus Arci – the next time you encourage eAustralia’s population to flood another city, consider the poor residents who already live there. What you have done is made life harder for these poor people of Perth. I pray that after reading this article, you feel bad for making the lives of all original Perth residents even more miserable.

So if you are still going to move to Western Australia good citizens of eAustralia, please take the time to help out the innocent people of Perth. Respect the lives they once had and don’t damage their ecosystem anymore. Have a little compassion for your fellow eAustralians.

(Editor’s Note: After returning from Perth, it was discovered that there may have been a possibility that my reporter was accidentally flown to Brisbane. Given the fact that Brisbane and Perth are horrible cities and share “eAustralia’s Worst City” award, one can see the mistake my reporter may have made).