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Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal, and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with Schoft. Schoft is a tough, military man having served in eAustralia’s military for a long time. He was once the ACUK Squad leader and Marshall of the Dropbears. He is very dedicated to his soldiers as well as his workers being the manager of the Cheap Basterds company. He also lent a hand helping needy eAustralians through the great charity of ausEaid. It’s time for this kind soldier to have a bit of dinner on the house. Won’t you join us eAustralia?



Tonight’s guest: Schoft.
Tonight’s meal: Steak tartar with a bottle of Château Margaux, followed by a tart tartin for dessert.
Tonight’s tune: Chopin’s “Nocturne”.

(Please note that this interview was conducted during the eBrazilian attacks on eAustralia. Of course, we know how that turned out. That will teach any future ePresident or ePrime Minister to fall asleep at the wheel).

Dartreal: Schoft, thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion.

Schoft: No problem I did had some time to have a bite while we have the wargames on with eBrazil

Dartreal: How are you enjoying dinner?

Schoft: It’s great, I love some raw meat.

Dartreal: I can tell you're a meat lover from the way you've been stuffing your face all night. Question: If given the opinion would you eat a human?

Schoft: Only on the battlefield.

Dartreal: How would you have your human? Rare as well?

Schoft: Are you kidding humans I wouldn’t have rare, I would have them bleu.

Dartreal: I've never had a bleu steak before but I must try it. You know some ancient cultures would eat enemy warriors believing it would strengthen them?

Schoft: I do not think they are not ancient and they are called eAussies.

Dartreal: Are you suggesting eAustralian soldiers take part in ritualistic cannibalism so that they may grow stronger?

Schoft: Oops maybe I shouldn’t have told that much about the Dropbears.

Dartreal: One reason for us eAussies to make us prouder of our troops. Let's talk military, something you're familiar with. You were the ACUK Commander at one point. What was that like?

Schoft: It was a great learning curve towards getting into the Dropbears with the occasional trip overseas, I got to see eSouth Africa, eMalaysia, eJapan and I was lucky to be in Western Australia at the time of the Resistance War so I was allowed to fight there as well.

Dartreal: Having traveled around the eWorld, what was your most favourite place?

Schoft: That must be eGreece, the sights, the sun and the slaving in the iron companies in Athens.

Dartreal: So after your run as ACUK you became a Dropbear Marshall. What was that like?

Schoft: It’s a great to lead the troops into battle, but maybe I wasn’t such a good choice, hardly a week in the job eBrazil comes into the country. I think this must have to do with the proposal that they made me to lead their elite troops and I said no. So really blame the whole invasion on me.

Dartreal: So the real reason eBrazil have attacked eAustralia was to get revenge on you saying you wouldn't lead their elite troops?



Schoft: It must be the reason as I can’t see any other reason behind it can you, we are so much like the eBrazilians we like the beach they do, we like coffee they do, and we like to footy they do so really there is no other reason that I can think of.

Dartreal: I think the football they like is completely different to the football that we like.

Schoft: True, but the eAussies get the hang of the round ball as well, Dartreal. let the Château Margaux flow!

Dartreal: I believe since this is my dinner I control the flow of wine and not you. Speaking of which, more wine?

Schoft: I thought you never asked. Sorry but we don’t have wine on the battlefield hence me asking.

Dartreal: Let's talk butterflies. Do you think they remember life as a caterpillar?

Schoft: That was a bad time in my life, that must have been when Victoria was still in eIndonesian hands, that’s like a childhood trauma to me.

Dartreal: I was actually referring to the insect butterfly, I wasn't referring to a metaphor.

Schoft: I was referring to the insect, as you can see me on the picture with the Dropbear alpha squad I came out as a orange butterfly.

Dartreal: Very well then. Speaking of insects, some only live for twenty-four hours. If you only had twenty-four hours to live, what would you do?

Schoft: I would, build nations, conquer worlds and get pissed in the last 23 hours

Dartreal: That is very interesting. Let's talk grapefruit. Why would they call a grapefruit a grapefruit of it doesn't look or taste like a grape?

Schoft: How would your wine taste like if it was made out of grapefruit? It would be good for those eBrazilians after forgetting to press the button last night.

Dartreal: Are you trying to dance around a question you cannot answer?

Schoft: This is one of those questions you can answer any way you like, but then again the person who discovered the grape saw the grapefruit and wasn’t that creative

Dartreal: If you had to rename the grapefruit what would you call it?

Schoft: I think it should be called shaddock

Dartreal: A shaddock? How did you come up with that name?

Schoft: That’s what I would have called it, as I think a grapefruit is a nice as the fish called haddock.

Dartreal: I guess that makes more sense than calling it a grapefruit. Let's talk about something many people might not know about: you were my first eBoss. Tell me, how good of an employee was I?

Schoft: You were a good construction worker and I must have had a nice spell as you stuck with Cheap Basterd Housing till the company was sold so it must have been working for both sides.



Dartreal: Good pay and good benefits make for a good job. Tell me, how do you feel now having dinner with your former employee who owns a successful newspaper and probably makes ten times the amount you do now?

Schoft: Ever since I have my own businesses I get only paid $1 a day so everyone is doing better than I am. A free dinner is always good and a good host who made a excellent steak tartar.

Dartreal: That's a terrible thing! Someone like you, a man who is good to his workers and someone who knows how to run a business well, should not be living off $1 a day! I'll give you a job with me, as my chauffeur and I'll pay you $5 a day! How does that sound?

Schoft: If there are some other perks, but it really depends on the car.

Dartreal: What if I let you pick the car to drive, whatever you wanted and I would buy it for you to drive me around?

Schoft: During the invasion it would be a HMMWV, otherwise I will drive your Maserati around

Dartreal: Sounds like a done deal. Let's talk ausEaid, a charity that I am a proud supporter of. How did you get involved with this organisation?

Schoft: I got involved when Cerri was overseas for a month and looked after it ever since until I became Dropbear Marshall. It’s the second best thing after fighting of an enemy in eAustralia or overseas. A lot of people don’t know what it involves but it is very time consuming and the current ausEaid people that run it should be thanked with their weapons effort.

Dartreal: Did you help out in the soup kitchens or at the homeless shelters ausEaid run?

Schoft: I mainly helped getting the new citizens on their feet, but I was helping with the different types of soup that were handed out, as well with wellness hampers.

Dartreal: What about now, do you sometimes pop around and give out a bit of help or are you dedicated to the Dropbears now?

Schoft: I am dedicated to the Dropbears but I left the door open if they need my help I would most definitely give it. And almost every single eAustralian should be thankful to Cerri because of this – it’s the best thing around and people are copying her now as well. The more charity the better the citizens.



Dartreal: I definitely agree. Well our evening is coming to an end and you'll be starting work with me tomorrow so you'll need a good night's rest but before you leave, let's have a game of Word Association. I say a word, and you say whatever pops into your head. Ready?

Schoft: I am as ready as ever

Dartreal: Sandcastle
Schoft: Nomlah.

Dartreal: Rammstein.
Schoft: Germans.

Dartreal: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Schoft: An very very old movie.

Dartreal: An elephant with wings.
Schoft: Dumbo.

Dartreal: An obese man wearing a bikini.
Schoft: Petter Griffin.

Dartreal: Schoft .
Schoft: A great eAustralian.

Dartreal: And finally, Dartreal.
Schoft: My new boss

Dartreal: And I hope to be as good of a boss to you as you were to me. Well Schoft thank you for joining me tonight for dinner and discussion.

Schoft: It was a pleasure I just hope I will be able to drive the car in the morning. Great food and a great host, thanks.

Dartreal: No problem. And don't worry if you crash the Maserati, I have a spare collecting dust in the garage we can use!

Schoft: That would be a first but get that dust of that car!

Dartreal: Don't worry, I'll have my butler work on it right away.

Schoft did come to work the next morning for me eAustralia and he drove around that Maserati very well, but I couldn’t keep him hired with me. It didn’t feel right having my old boss as my slave, so I parted ways with him and allowed him to take my Maserati – and a little bit of cash in the boot as well. A man like Schoft deserves something more than a free dinner and a free car for all the work he has done involving our military and charity. Join me next time for another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine eAustralia.