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Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal, and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with Mark Morcom. The current and two-time ePresident of eSouth Africa has done a lot for his little country. He has served three times as a Congressman, has been a Vice President and was the two-time party president of the Liberal Party of South Africa. On top of that he is the Commander of the Pretorian Vanguard and was the Military Advisor to the South African Independence League. All the way from eSouth Africa Mark Morcom joins me for a lovely dinner, so won’t you join us as well?



Tonight’s guest: Mark Morcom.
Tonight’s meal: Curry.
Tonight’s tune: Tchaikovsky’s Serenade for Strings in C Major.

Dartreal: Mark Morcom, thank you for joining me for Dinner & Discussion.

Mark Morcom: Thank you for having me. I have heard about you wonderful food. When is it ready?

Dartreal: We're actually eating it right now. It's been sitting in front of you for the past thirty minutes.

Mark Morcom: I thought that was starters. It’s so small. Let me try some. Are these real chillies?

Dartreal: Straight from Chile itself!

Mark Morcom: Water please, its damn hot!

Dartreal: I'm afraid I don't have any water right now but would some 50 year aged wine from eFrance help stop the burning?

Mark Morcom: It should, thank you.

Dartreal: No problem. So have you always been a big fan of curry and hot stuff?

Mark Morcom: Well, there are a lot of Indians where I come from (KwaZulu - Natal), unfortunately since the eIndonesian occupation of the region they don't feel like cooking it anymore. They just sit there, kind of like they are in a trance

Dartreal: It's a good thing that my chef knows how to prepare these things. I guess it's worth the flight down here so far?

Mark Morcom: Yes, and we have turned the old border posts into brand spanking new McDonald drive thrus, so it’s all good. Took a while to get rid of the eIndonesian smell in them.

Dartreal: Yes we know about the eIndonesian smell that lingers around. I heard Perth STANK after being occupied for over 18 months. I believe that millions of tubes of toothpaste were used on the entire city and now it is minty fresh.

Mark Morcom: Never thought of that, we used bleach. We also tried bleach on the eIndonesian prisoners we took, but it did not make them smell any less. It just made them look funny.

Dartreal: Bleach would have hurt the eyes a lot though wouldn't have smelt as bad I would think. Now, I want to talk about your impressive career in eSouth African politics. You've done a lot for your eCountry so I was wondering, why is the word "abbreviation" such a long word?

Mark Morcom: I was wondering that myself. I have in fact ordered the Ministry of Information to try and get me an answer. The only thing they can tell me is "it could have been longer". I am not sure if I accept that, I think it should have been abbr. – Don’t you think that is more sensible?

Dartreal: You sir are a mind reader! I was going to ask how would you abbreviate abbreviation! Quick, what number am I thinking?

Mark Morcom: 7… wait, a number between 1 – 999999999999?

Dartreal: Damn! You're good. Ok, what song am I singing in my head?

Mark Morcom: ACDC – Thunder. You are Australian after all.

Dartreal: Alright. What hot hottie eSouth African lady am I thinking about?

Mark Morcom: Ines Schumacher.

Dartreal: And what are we doing?

Mark Morcom: Talking.

Dartreal: About?

Mark Morcom: Me being all knowing.



Dartreal: This is blowing my mind! So now that we've established you possess mind powers, what do you have to say to reports that you only won your 2 terms as eSouth Africa's President by mind controlling people to do so?

Mark Morcom: I wish not to comment on our Top Secret mind controlling experiments that involve controlling the refresh rate on a citizens monitor to bend them to you will and the use of my vast mind to control the outcome of a election - because these things officially don’t exist.

Dartreal: Yes... there are voices in my head telling me not to mention this ever again. That's what happens when you drink too much wine, you start seeing and hearing things that aren't around.

Mark Morcom: Damn right. I have my eye on a nice little piece of real estate called the Western Cape. Apparently the wine is good there but it has been so long since an eSouth African has gone there that the history reports might not be accurate.

Dartreal: Let's talk about your terms as eSouth Africa's President. Your first term saw eIndonesia kicked out of eSouth Africa. How are you going to try and top that in your second term?

Mark Morcom: There are three balls on a soccer field. One is made by Child Labour in Java, eIndonesia - The second is made by medium income workers in eArgentina - the third is made by hot eBrazilian chicks in g-strings. I am interested to see which one is easier to kick, and how far I can kick it. The one from eIndonesia went pretty far. Not sure if I can top that.

Dartreal: So you're going to... play soccer in your second term?

Mark Morcom: It’s code you dim eAussie! How long until desert?

Dartreal: I won't be insulted by one of my guests, especially someone from eSouth Africa - unless its Ines.

Mark Morcom: Sorry.

Dartreal: That's ok we’re drunk so it’s understandable. Dessert is being served now. A nice lemon cheesecake.

Mark Morcom: That would be nice.

Dartreal: Now let's look at the Pretorian Vanguard, something that you are the commander of. Does this "Pretorian Vanguard" involve dinosaurs in some way?

Mark Morcom: Well, back then Ines Schumacher was just a platoon commander. She could be considered a dinosaur now. Does that count?

Dartreal: Well I guess it would but I'd have to say no it wouldn't count so she won't get mad at me. You on the other hand...

Mark Morcom: I used my amazing mind control abilities to brainwash her back in those days. If she does get angry I have a keyword that will make he forget about anything I did wrong.

Dartreal: Do you use your mind control abilities to get her to do other things? Other things that involve a little... window washing?

Mark Morcom: I have not found a need to yet. There are other people that do that without needing to use my abilities. We need to use the eIndonesian prisoners for something, they eat so much that they are wiping out our Q1 food market stock.



Dartreal: Have you considered turning the eIndonesian prisoners you have into food? It would save you a lot of problems.

Mark Morcom: It has been considered. We tried mincing them and serving them in sausages, but no-one can get past the smell. Any suggestions - perhaps from your chef?

Dartreal: He says try adding some garlic, a bit of rosemary and a hint of cinnamon.

Mark Morcom: Ok, will try.

Dartreal: I'm not sure how that will taste though. It doesn't sound too good in my opinion. We seem to have gotten off the topic. I believe we were talking about avacados. Did you know both the flesh and the pit of avacados are toxic to most species of bird?

Mark Morcom: I actually did not know that. Who would have thought? Have you been to eSouth Africa during you eLife? Its a great place, you should come.

Dartreal: I think I will one day. While I'm there, you and I should feed some birds avacados for some fun.

Mark Morcom: Yes we should, it would be pretty funny to watch. Do you think it happens slowly?

Dartreal: I'm hoping that just explode into a bunch of feathers otherwise I'm going to be really disappointed.

Mark Morcom: I would agree with that. Thanks for the cheesecake. Can I have a cup of coffee?

Dartreal: You can have a cup of tea if you like or some more wine.

Mark Morcom: The wine would be nice. Maybe a semi-sweet this time. The last one was dry as dust

Dartreal: We have all types of wines here. Now, I want to get serious for a moment and talk about eSouth Africa's Independence. You were involved in this by being the Military Advisor of the Resistance. How was that like for you?

Mark Morcom: It was easy and hard at the same time. It was more of a case of trying to keep all the exiled soldiers together. There was not so much organisational structure to the whole thing. When PEACE attacked the eUS mainland we merged into the eUS military, which was wonderful. We still kept in contact with all our troops. I believe that the Resistance Military, although not utilised in the liberation of our lands, did help eSouth Africa strengthen up fast and ensured we could get all the exiles back when the time came.

Darteal: Back then would you have thought that eSouth Africa would have gotten back so many regions as you have now?

Mark Morcom: I would not have thought we would have done so well. I knew we had to try. Just after we supported the Resistance War in Gauteng I went to the eUS congress. One of the congressmen there said something that ran chills down my spine. He said "You know Brazil is going to wipe you out, don't you?". I was crapping myself. But, the gamble paid off. We got the support that we needed. And we did a mighty fine job at kicking eIndonesia out of eAfrica. Can I rub it in eIndonesia's face a bit more or is that not considered acceptable table manners?

Dartreal: You've been doing it all night so I don't see how now would be any different.

Mark Morcom: Well, my apologies then? I will behave.

Dartreal: Why apologise? We're not too fond of eIndonesia after the whole "18 Month oppression" thing they had on us.

Mark Morcom: Yes, you mentioned the toothpaste.



Dartreal: And it seems to be keeping them away well. Well Mark Morcom it was lovely taking to you but our evening if coming to an end. That means it's time for a little game of Word Association! Are you ready to play?

Mark Morcom: Yes I am

Dartreal: Alright then. I say a word and you say whatever pops into your head. Let's begin. Vanilla Ice.
Mark Morcom: Ice.

Dartreal: Mighty Morphing Power Rangers.
Mark Morcom: Transformers.

Dartreal: Three Little Pigs.
Mark Morcom: eIndo, eBrazil and eArgentina.

Dartreal: I think that has to be the best answer I've ever had. Next wor😛 eIndonesia.
Mark Morcom: PTO.

Dartreal: Ines Schumacher getting eAustralian Citizenship and living in eAustralia for the rest of her eLife.
Mark Morcom: Invasion of eAustralia

Dartreal: Ines Schumacher eMarrying me.
Mark Morcom: Siroe with a axe.

Dartreal: Siroe?

Mark Morcom: He dead eHusband who was reborn under a different name.

Dartreal: People coming back to eLife as zombies a common thing in eSouth Africa?

Mark Morcom: Well yes, an e😜resident and ex-MoD come to mind immediately. It was due to unauthorised breeding.

Dartreal: Ok then remind me to cancel my ticket to eSouth Africa. I'm not looking forward to being devoured by zombies. Next wor😛 Mark Morcom.

Mark Morcom: www.mor.com.

Dartreal: I can see my readers getting excited thinking that it is a pornographic site. And finally: Dartreal.

Mark Morcom: Real Dart

Dartreal: How creative. Well Mark Morcom, thank you very much for joining me for Dinner & Discussion. I hope you have a safe flight back to eSouth Africa.

Mark Morcom: Thank you so much for meal and talk.

There you have it eLadies and eGentlemen – Mark Morcom. To think, this insane mad scientist is the guy who was responsible for booting eIndonesia out of eSouth Africa. I hope Mr. Morcom continues his cruel and inhumane experiments on the human mind so his zombie army can get eBrazil and eArgentina out of his country and make it whole again. Join me next time for another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine eAustralia.