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Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal , and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with GLaDOS. Oh yes, I can hear the loud chorus of boos from all corners of the eWorld. I am not one to discriminate eAustralia that is why I decided to have a dinner and discussion with someone who is associated with Phoenix.

My guest tonight has accomplished a lot of things. He has been a 6 time congressmen in the eUK and he has served two terms as ePresident, once for his native homeland eUK and the other for eRussia. That chorus of boos continues to grow louder. The cherry on the cake though was GLaDOS’s position as a Secretary General of PEACE. Oh yes, I can see the hate mail flooding in. Regardless if he is our enemy, everyone deserves a free dinner once in a while so tonight, it is GLaDOS’s turn to have a piece of my friendly accommodation. Won’t you join us eRepublik? Some of you might not want to given the reasons listed previously but at least join us for some dessert?



Tonight’s guest: GLaDOS.
Tonight’s meal: Entrée: Escargot cooked with garlic and parsley butter. Main: Duck braised in red wine, lardons and mushrooms. Dessert: Strawberry crepes with cream.
Tonight’s tune: Bach’s Toccata and Fugue.

Dartreal: Glados, thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion.

GLaDOS: It's a pleasure, my friend.

Dartreal: How was the flight over?

GLaDOS: Quite terrible, actually. Considering I am considered a war criminal by the eAustralian government, I had to parachute in and use a couple disguises to get here tonight.

Dartreal: I'm sure it was worth it for dinner with me. Tell me have you enjoyed it? Would you say that this has been a triumph?

GLaDOS: I would say it has been a triumph. I am making a note here… huge success!

Dartreal: Oh wonderful! Believe me; it's hard to overstate my satisfaction towards you enjoying dinner. Now, what would you say to people who find it weird you, from a Phoenix country, talking to me, someone who's country is associated with EDEN/Brolliance?

GLaDOS: Well, I am always a fiend for fine eFrench food, its true. Also, I don't really mind talking to members of enemy countries, as long as they provide interesting conversation and are willing to pick up the cheque.

Dartreal: Don't worry your dinner was covered, as was your flight over here. I'm sure people are wondering, why do beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon?

GLaDOS: Because I eat the dreams of small eAustralian children it’s why I am a war criminal.

Dartreal: Some would say that is barbaric but others might be inclined to say that the dreams of eAustralian children taste like marshmallows. What do dreams taste like?

GLaDOS: Koalas.

Dartreal: You somewhat were a big-shot during PEACE's existence. I believe you were the President of the eUK and of eRussia. Were you the President at the same time?

GLaDOS: No, managing a country and an alliance at the same time would be a total and complete nightmare. Anyone who has been either Secretary General or President knows the jobs themselves are murder. There’s no need to double up and double the chances of eSuicide.



Dartreal: I can understand why you would be the President of the eUK, but President of eRussia seems odd. Why and how did you become their President?

GLaDOS: Well I had too much vodka one night and angry grizzly bears can be very persuasive. One thing led to another and I woke up hung-over in the Kremlin with no idea of how I got there.

Dartreal: Did the eRussian people accept you as their leader, or did they want to tear you to pieces and throw every piece of you into a fire?

GLaDOS: Little of both.

Dartreal: What country did you enjoy being the ePresident of?

GLaDOS: eUK, by far. eRussia was nice, but could and inhospitable. The eUK was classy, like myself.

Dartreal: Naturally. I thought I was a classy man but it is clear I've much to learn from you!

GLaDOS: Indeed, I happen to be the sharpest dressed ego-maniacal self proclaimed super villain around!

Dartreal: Devilishly sinister! Let's talk slugs: did you know they have four noses?

GLaDOS: News to me I know bears. Angry, angry bears…

Dartreal: Why do you think slugs have four noses?

GLaDOS: Too much acid.

Dartreal: It is a weird thing and I don't know if we'll ever know the real answer. Before we go on, I'm sorry to say that we'll be unable to serve the crepes with strawberries and cream tonight. However, my chef has prepared a great cake, it is delicious and moist. Would you care for some?

GLaDOS: …First you will be baked, then there will be cake.

Dartreal: If I am baked into the cake how could I have some of the cake?

GLaDOS: The cake is absolute truth, just trust me on this one.

Dartreal: Being a Secretary General of PEACE I believe I will. Let's talk about that role shall we. Was it difficult getting coffee, photocopying and taking phone calls of all the PEACE members?

GLaDOS: I didn’t exactly do that, although that was part of the job they listened to me, I helped with mediation between nations within PEACE, made statements on behalf of the community, and got presidents coffee…

Dartreal: It seems like it was a lot of responsibly for a person to have. Were you under any stress at all during your time as SG?

GLaDOS: Enough to make the Marlboro company a mint

Dartreal: What the Marlboro company is?

GLaDOS: A cigarette company.



Dartreal: With PEACE now done it has been replaced by the almost identical Phoenix alliance. What is the major difference between the two?

GLaDOS: PEACE had eFrance. Also Phoenix is a cooler name.

Dartreal: It doesn't seem that eFrance is well liked by PEACE anymore. Is this due to them backstabbing PEACE by helping eMalaysia fight off eIndonesia or is there more to the story?

GLaDOS: No, that's pretty much it even if they have good food, it’s no excuse to backstab eIndonesia.

Dartreal: Why do you think they would do such a thing, knowing that they wouldn't have any friends after leaving PEACE since everyone else in the eWorld is basically EDEN?

GLaDOS: Because the old eFrench government had a "World Police" mentality.

Dartreal: Did you know in 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child?

GLaDOS: Doesn’t surprise me, eSwedes often infiltrate other countries.

Dartreal: A big ouch to all eSwedish readers out there if I have any. Having served as a mediator between countries in the past perhaps you can answer this question: If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

GLaDOS: Hmmm, I guess so. Oddly enough, I have been in that situation before, it was quite the riveting tale, but maybe another time.

Dartreal: I look forward to hearing that tale one day. Let's talk about something the public might not know about. You are an expert in Aperture Science, correct?

GLaDOS: Why, one might say I am an expert in Aperture Science and all Aperture Science related technical devices.

Dartreal: Please explain to readers who are unfamiliar with what Aperture Science is.

GLaDOS: Aperture Science Incorporated is a multinational corporation engaged in actively enriching the lives of people everywhere we are currently engaged in creating portal technology, originally developed for shower curtains. Aperture Science is the future, today!



Dartreal: That sounds very interesting and I look forward to hearing about any breakthroughs Aperture Science will make. Alas, this meeting is coming to an end and there's science for you to do, so shall we wrap up this interview with a bit of Word Association?

GLaDOS: Sure, I'm game

Dartreal: I'll say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your mind. Volcano.
GLaDOS: Phoenix.

Dartreal: Phoenix.
GLaDOS: AWESOME.

Dartreal: Whales.
GLaDOS: Cottus Arci.

Dartreal: Well that was random. Next wor😛 Captain Planet.
GLaDOS: Cozza.

Dartreal: Appealing to the eAustralians viewers, I like it. Black Mesa.
GLaDOS: Lame.

Dartreal: GLaDOS.
GLaDOS: Epic.

Dartreal: And finally, Dartreal.
GLaDOS: A nice dinner companion.

Dartreal: GLaDOS, thank you very much for flying all the way down from eUK to join me for a dinner and a discussion.

GLaDOS: Anytime my good chum and thank you for picking up the tab, cheerio!

Dartreal: And anytime you want to come back here you're... do you hear sirens?

GLaDOS: Oh.... it’s the cloical constables! Gotta go, war criminal and all, till next time!

Dartreal: Through the kitchen! There's a secret passage!

I can safely say that GLaDOS is still alive and is back on eUK soil. While I am happy for him to have not been harmed during the interview at the risk of my reputation with Phoenix, I am now the most hated person in eAustralia because of that interview. Furthermore, I am now under investigation for habouring Phoenix agents. Still, it was an interesting interview and I hope you’ve all learned to like GLaDOS just a tiny, wee-bit more. Join me next time for another addition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine eAustralia.