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Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal, and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with our ePrime Minister Cottus Arci. Cottus is a well decorated member of the eAustralian community. Not only is he a three-time ePrime Minister for eAustralia, he was also elected twice for the position of the Prime Minister of eCanada. He was the founder of CSD Party in Canada and the ADSP in Australia. He’s was one of the key figures who helped rebuilt eAustralia after it was freed from eIndonesian occupation. It’s time for Cottus to take a break from the excitement by having some dinner and a little discussion with me, Dartreal. Enjoy.



Tonight’s guest: Cottus Arci.
Tonight’s meal: Wagyu Beef (Medium-Rare) with Portuguese Sauce served with roast potatoes.
Tonight’s tune: Beethoven’s 9th.

Dartreal: Cottus, thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion.

Cottus Arci: *Chomps* Nothing like some fine dining to buy my precious time.

Dartreal: How are you finding your dinner? Well I take it?

Cottus Arci: Hmm it's quite delicious. I just hope you don't expect me to put out or anything afterward…

Dartreal: Oh no the only thing I'll get you to "put out" are some answers to my questions, questions that the public are craving to ask you.

Cottus Arci: Oh good! The public? Really? Wow, I'm so blessed and honoured!

Dartreal: You should know about the public since you are a five time ePrime Minister. People know you were three times the ePrime Minister of eAustralia, but what some people don't know is that you were twice in eCanada. Let's talk eCanada: is it true the yellow snow there tastes like lemon?

Cottus Arci: Dude. That's crazy talk - if you've ever been to eCanada, you'll know it’s amber snow, and tastes like Maple Syrup!

Dartreal: Of course. How logically. You moved to eCanada when eAustralia was taken over by eIndonesia. How did the eCanadians feel having an eAussie as the ePrime Minister?

Cottus Arci: My 2-times an ePrime Minister weren't smooth at all. The first time I won, it was literally a fluke due to the Canadian Rangers being dispatched overseas a week beforehand. Back in the day, you had to be in country a certain amount of days beforehand to vote. They missed out by one day. So, I had a lot to prove and battled through the first two weeks.

*Cottus stops to take a breathe.*

Cottus Arci: Then the real life realm ripped me a new one and I had to quit the game for close to a month. I handed the Presidency to the legendary Adam Sutler, the guy that should’ve beaten me in the first place. If anything, the fact I was so responsible in resigning led me to win the second time around three months later. It took the worst smear/lies campaign in eCanadian history to beat me as incumbent. Ten days later, the guy who beat me was impeached!

Dartreal: That is some story, very amazing. So in the end you gained the respect of all the eCanadians? Where there statues erected in many towns?

Cottus Arci: A lot of things were erected since I have departed, but no statues sadly. I did force public apologies out of Banach, the PM who beat me, and Augustus Baldwin, the recently-late big bad dog of eCanada, so that thankfully amended my ego. And of course, it was my eCanadian ties that got my foot in the door into eAmerica, where I'm butt-buddies with all the big kahunas.



Dartreal: So if you went back to eCanada today, what would happen to you?

Cottus Arci: I'd get lovingly Bro-raped! Haha!

Dartreal: So is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Cottus Arci: Apparently it's a good thing, and all the popped-collar wearing preppies do it in College these days.

Dartreal: As long as your happy! Now let's look at the other past two terms you served as the eAustralian ePrime Minister. A lot of people are wondering: What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company?

Cottus Arci: Smokos.

Dartreal: Of course. How logical

Cottus Arci: Logic is my forte.

Dartreal: As two time eAustralian ePrime Minister, was there anything you regretted doing or anything you regretted not doing?

Cottus Arci: My time as ePrime Minister was a dream - I truly was looked to as the leader and managed to do everything, and almost anything, I wanted. My only regret is stepping down from politics after Derek Apollyon's one term and Patti’s two terms. Once I left, I couldn't and haven't been able to muster the effort to get back into it. Plus of course, I could really use that extra gold!

Dartreal: Couldn't we all use a little bit of extra gold? I know I don't!

Cottus Arci: I'm merely a medal and damage whore these days. Gold brings all those things.

Dartreal: Well you’re now our current ePrime Minister and you have big plans for our nation no doubt. Do you have anything to say to Timeoin and Ezekiel Thomas - the two eAustralians you beat for the position?

Cottus Arci: I want to be all like "HAHA I WON", but they both seem emotionally scarred from the defeat hehe. So umm... good show old chaps.. come back again!

Dartreal: Your words are gracious I guess and I say that without a gun to my head, I assure the public, hehe. Let’s move on before that last statement draws anymore suspicion. Did you enjoy your time more as ePrime Minister of eCanada or your time as ePrime Minister of eAustralia?

Cottus Arci: Who wouldn't love being catapulted to eGod for 2 months as the rebuilding father of eAustralia? I mean shit, has anyone noticed my inflated ego ever since?

Dartreal: I haven't. I haven't been around long enough to but after having dinner with you so far, I can see that your ego is just as big as mine. More wine good sir?

Cottus Arci: That, good sir, is the height of rudeness. I don't drink.

Dartreal: Smoke?

Cottus Arci: "Quitting" *lights up*

Dartreal: I'm going to have to ask you to put that out or step outside. I don't allow smoking in here unless it's a non-tobacco product.

Cottus Arci: Be right back then! *Leaves the house and comes back a minute later*.

Dartreal: How was the smoke?

Cottus Arci: Satisfying, yet not. The mother of all addictions

Dartreal: A crying shame. Let's talk ladybugs. what do you call a male one?

Cottus Arci: A shut-the-f$#k-up-and-man-up-bug?



Dartreal: I would have to agree. You're a man who has been a minister and senator many, many times correct?

Cottus Arci: Too many. You don't get gold for being a Minister... and not enough enough for being a Senator.

Dartreal: Since you have held many positions before one would assume you're a wise man. Being a wise man I think many people want to know: Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Cottus Arci: The answer lies within lyrics of a Fatboy Slim song, and is also the meaning of our existence.

Dartreal: And for those too lazy to figure it out?

Cottus Arci: Natural selection's a bitch, isn't it?

Dartreal: Let's take a step back to your smoking habits. Since you're attempting to quit smoking perhaps you could answer this question: Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Cottus Arci: Again, natural selection.

Dartreal: Let's talk planes. Did you know the black box of a plane is blaze orange so that it can be found easier among the wreckage?

Cottus Arci: Indeed, it makes that Australian Idol winner's song a bit of fail, doesn't it?

Dartreal: I'm unfamiliar with who the winner is, I don't enjoy trash TV much.

Cottus Arci: Know thy enemy, and thy enemy is pop & trash TV.

Dartreal: If the black box is actually orange why is it called a black box?

Cottus Arci: An orange box sounds like the "nether" regions of a Dutch working girl. Then again, black box doesn’t sound much better - I’m confused.

Dartreal: It is a mad world we live in. Well our evening is coming to an end so would you care for some tea or coffee?

Cottus Arci: I'm a total whore for coffee.

Dartreal: Wonderful. Going back to your ePM terms for eCanada: Did you know Canada is a native Indian word meaning "Village"?

Cottus Arci: No wonder they're so backward! Them all be villagers, ey?

Dartreal: Oh I know there's gonna be a lot of very angry eCanadians reading this, and a lot of people who probably won't understand what you mean. But it is amazing the thing you learn from reading the sides of cereal boxes.

Cottus Arci: Screw the Canucks. You must be eating some pretty awesome cereal then. I have giant barcodes on the side of my cereal boxes.



Dartreal: It’s the cereal that every growing boy eats. Now that we've got our tea and coffee, it's time to wrap up this discussion with some fun Word Association! Are you ready to play?

Cottus Arci: Goody!

Dartreal: I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head. Butterknife.
Cottus Arci: C**stain

Dartreal: ...I umm... how the hell did you get that from butterknife!?
Cottus Arci: Butter is gooey like c**. Knife draws blood that can stain.

Dartreal: Well I guess that makes sense. Sock Puppets.
Cottus Arci: Glove Hero.

Dartreal: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
Cottus Arci: Jackie Chan bitch.

Dartreal: Your girlfriend/wife going to meet up with Tiger Woods for a "private golf lesson".
Cottus Arci: Death by pain.

Dartreal: Bob Marley.
Cottus Arci: Drugs rot your brain

Dartreal: Cottus Arci.
Cottus Arci: The Awesome One

Dartreal: And finally, Dartreal.
Cottus Arci: Christian Bale.

Dartreal: Thanks a lot for joining me for a discussion over dinner Cottus.

Cottus Arci: Pleasure has been all yours, I'm sure.

Dartreal: No pleasure for you?

Cottus Arci: Once you've done what I've done, nothing short of extreme actions give you pleasure.

Dartreal: So if we had this dinner on a minefield, would it have been a pleasure for you?

Cottus Arci: If I saw dismemberment, yes, that would've been hilarious!

Dartreal: Well then next time we have another talk over dinner I'll be sure to have it in the middle of a battlefield!

Cottus Arci: Looking forward to it!

He’s a weird one but it was a pleasure interviewing Cottus Arci. After sitting down with him for an evening, it makes me wonder what diabolical things he might have planned for eAustralia should be become elected as ePrime Minister in the upcoming election. It’s a scary thing to think about – scary yet exciting. Good luck Cottus! Join me next time for another addition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine eAustralia.