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Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal, and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with Cerridwen Voeland. Known as Cerri by most eAustralians, she quickly scaled up the ladder. She became an apprentice minister within two weeks and then became a Dropbear in a couple of months. She eventually made eAustralian history by becoming the very first female ePrime Minister. She achieved all of this while helping run ausEaid – a company she founded to help out struggling eAustralians with free food and advice. Now, it’s time someone gave her a free meal and that someone is me, Dartreal, and it’s time for a little discussion over dinner.



Tonight’s guest: Cerridwen Voeland.
Tonight’s meal: Marinara with chili, coriander, and lime juice served with salad and a bottle of Bacardi.
Tonight’s tune: Bizet’s Habanera.

Dartreal: Cerri thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion.

Cerri: Not a problem, happy to join you!

Dartreal: How are you finding dinner? Is it to your liking?

Cerri: Yes, I quite enjoy seafood n cocktails, but I mean - who wouldn’t!? Haha!

Dartreal: Someone who is allergic to seafood?

Cerri: Meh they would probably enjoy the cocktails though - unless they didn’t drink. *Gasp* An eAussie who didn’t eat seafood and didn’t drink? Eeep!

Dartreal: It sounds like they should be in another eCountry!

Cerri: Weeellll I wouldn’t go thaaaat far I mean they might have a reasonable excuse?

Dartreal: There are no reasonable excuses for anyone to dislike seafood and cocktails besides them being allergic to them. I say we make a new law: Deport anyone who hates seafood and cocktails without it being related to medical reasons. Wouldn't you agree?

Cerri: Without good reason? Hmm that could have potential? Hahaha! Hating eAussie icons of any kind is never a good start although it would probably have to be amended to beer if that was the case?

Dartreal: I hate beer - too barbaric for my liking. Nothing like a good wine from eFrance or a nice glass of Vodka from eRussia. Speaking of which, care for some wine or Vodka, or are you happy with your Bacardi still?

Cerri: Meh vodka is good! As for wine, prefer eAussie wine but then again I might be a little bias?

Dartreal: I think you are since you were an ePrime Minister. Let's talk about that shall we? What was it like being the first ever female ePrime Minister?

Cerri: Haha! I had fun, mind you, I have never tried being the first male ePrime Minister, so haven't really got a lot to compare with? I never really saw my gender being an issue one way or the other.



Dartreal: Many people saw it as ground breaking that a female did become the ePrime Minister. Are you happy with what you done in office?

Cerri: Hahaha, I broke ground? Eeep! I would have thought the biggest barrier to eAustralia having a female as ePM would have been the whole finding actual women on the internet! As far as what I achieved my term, I am happy with what I did do but there is still so much more I see for eAustralia, so yes to a point.

Dartreal: Well answered. Let's look at something that happened during your term and that was the Great eAustralian Gold Theft. It was a moment in eAustralia history that left us all confused, angry, upset and feeling a little poor. Question: If you were stranded on an island and allowed one luxury item, what would it be?

*Cerri mutters to self*

Cerri Don't say laptop… don't say laptop haha. Mmm one luxury item…only one? Can I choose a resort?

Dartreal: That's cheating! You can't cheat! There's more than one thing in a resort!

Cerri: But a resort s an entity its own right?

Dartreal: ...You're a very sneaky person. Ok I'll make it easier: What three things would you bring if you were stuck on a deserted island and no, a resort cannot be one of them.

Cerri: Hahaha! I am not sneaky! Haha! Luxuries in life? Good company, a tarp without holes, and decent coffee, assuming you can’t choose people - not being a thing and all - a way of keeping in contact with people then.

Dartreal: That is completely different to what I would have taken with me.

Cerri: Oh? What would you have taken?

Dartreal: A boat, petrol for the boat and a back-up boat incase the first one broke down.

Cerri: Meh, life is what you make of it where ever you are. If your stuck in an island, why not make the most of it?

Dartreal: I agree and there's no way I'd waste my time knowing I was going to be stuck on an island. Who makes these questions up?

Cerri: Hahaha! Not me!

Dartreal: Well do you know because that is my question: Who makes up these stupid situational questions?

Cerri: People who are paid a lot of money to analyse responses generally (read marketing and social research) and the occasional journo.



Dartreal: Very smart. Thinking back on that question about the island I'm surprised you didn't say you'd bring your eHusband, Xavier Darkmyre, with you. Do I smell trouble in paradise?

Cerri: *Gasps* Are you saying Xav doesn't count as good company?

Dartreal: Are you suggesting he isn't? I'd thought you mention him by name.

Cerri: Why would I? That would restrict / limit the things i could have with me, assuming that people do count as things, Haha. And if he had questions about my eFeelings from reading this interview? There would be bigger problems than being stuck on an island with restricted luxuries! Haha!

Dartreal: I'm only teasing you and he and if Xavier is reading this: your eWife loves you a lot. So... let's say you and Xavier split up or he drops dead after catching the eSwine Flu: Who would you marry? What fine eGentleman of eAustralia would become the new eHusband of Cerri?

Cerri: Hmm that’s a tricky one. I quite enjoyed being eSingle and was not intending on getting eMarried inn the first place. There are a couple of people who I consider very special to me, and a number of people who eProposed. Whether I would get eMarried again, I don’t really know.

Dartreal: You want to know who I would marry if I were you?

Cerri: Who sweetie?

Dartreal: Corey Blake. He's so dreamy and handsome... I mean umm... if I were you… I’m saying what you would be thinking… yes… umm… more wine!?

Cerri: Hahaha! Here you go!

*Cerri tops up Dartreal’s glass.*

Cerri: I think you’re a few drinks behind! We better get another bottle. As for Corey, he’s good value and a sweetie but he wasn't one of the people I was thinking about, no offence Corey. I am guessing that feeling is mutual?



Dartreal: Yes I suppose so. Let's talk about your great charity ausEaid. It is something I support and I have donated to in the past. It helps the need eAustralians by helping them with wellness by giving them food as well as advice. Question: eAustralia goes into a famine and we resort to cannibalism - do you feed the public the elderly or young children (babies included)?

Cerri: Hmm I go for Option C? The many not yet rotted corpses of uninterested n00bs who decide not to stay? Although tempting to feed the elderly, the damage may be missed if we ever actually fight, and to crush the spirits of babies who have actually come back after their first visit would be cruel, although from memory I think that is actually a sport?

Dartreal: What's a sport? Baby eating?

Cerri: Hahaha! I think it was more tormenting then devouring - n00b response pending? Not really my thing though but seafood for the win! I am sure it would be an interesting undercover article?

Dartreal: When the time comes I'm sure we'll figure something out though I'd prefer to eat babies personally.

Cerri: yeah I guess casseroled old guard is not that appealing, haha!

Dartreal: Our dinner is coming to an end so will we have to Word Association to end a pleasant night?

Cerri: Certainly.

Dartreal: Ok I'll say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head. Monkey.
Cerri: Son.

Dartreal: Dictionary.
Cerri: Define.

Dartreal: The Matrix.
Cerri: What spoon?

Dartreal: Mel Gibson covered in honey.
Cerri: Hahaha! A mess!

Dartreal: Batman making out with Robin.
Cerri: Xavier: “Why wasn’t I invited?”

Dartreal: Xavier would want to be involved in Batman and Robin's bat-cave romp?

Cerri: Batman is his avatar, haha!

Dartreal: Interesting. Next word, Cerridwen Voeland.
Cerri: Haha, Cerri's shorter to type!

Dartreal: And finally, Dartreal.
Cerri: Messaging you when you first started! I guess your avatar too, oh and I gotta love your paper! Hahaha!

Dartreal: I remember when you first contacted me. I was a young pup back then but now I'm a grown dog. Thank you very much for joining me for dinner and a discussion Cerri.

Cerri: Haha thanks for a fun evening!

Dartreal: And thank you for a lovely chat.

Cerri: No problem.

What a lovely dinner that was. Cerri, a very nice eLady. I’m honoured to give to her a nice dinner and evening after all the hard work she has done for many young eAustralians. Thank you Cerri. Join me next time for another addition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine Australia.