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Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal, and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with Cerb. Cerb, like a handful of some resident of eAustralia, moved from the eUS to lend a helping hand to our nation. He was a six-time Congress member and served on five cabinets to the eUS Presidents. Now he has joined up with the Dropbears unit, co-runs the Kangaroo Express with Jasper Ferguson and is the Commander-in-Chief of the eAustralian Military. Won’t you join us for some dinner and discussion, eAustralia?



Tonight’s guest: Cerb.
Tonight’s meal: 10 oz. dry-aged Kobe strip steak, served with a fresh ginger sauce and sautéed vegetables.
Tonight’s tune: Chopin’s “Revolutionary”.

Dartreal: Cerb thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion.

Cerb: A pleasure, to be sure.

Dartreal: How has your meal been so far?

Cerb: I have no complaints. Yours?

Dartreal: Quite delicious. I've never had Kobe beef before. I should thank you for suggesting it for tonight's meal.

Cerb: Certainly. It's the best way to enjoy a steak.

Dartreal: Let's talk about your move from the eUS to eAustralia. You were somewhat of a big figure in eUS so I think a lot of people are wondering: What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Cerb: Obviously man's ability to control fire. It invented fine dining and was the forerunner to hair removal procedures. Side effects do include the use of fire to create explosives and other lethal devices, but no pain, no gain, eh?

Dartreal: How true. Let's talk about what you've achieved in your run in the eUS. Six times you were a congressman and you served in five cabinets. What stood out for you the most during this period?

Cerb: I've been privileged to meet many great past and present leaders in my time in the USA. I really appreciated the opportunity to serve in a variety of Cabinet positions, and Congress did have its moments - although it's mostly a living hell, haha. I think the most influential moments for me were my experiences in the Frost administration in November. I was the USA Secretary of State and the Minister of Foreign Affairs during the ultimate collapse of PEACE. With PEACE officially gone prior to PHOENIX's arrival, a lot of countries were reassessing their priorities and loyalties. Josh Frost and I often pulled all-nighters or woke up in wee hours of the morning to commence negotiations with eEuropean leaders or other people not on our time zone. It was a pretty rough month, but we managed to revive old alliances and secure a few ones.

Dartreal: Sorry, I was having a word to my butler. Where were we? Oh yes. Your time in eUS politics, what stood out for you the most?

Cerb: …The meals at the White House. The chefs are on-call, and they'll make whatever you want. Even hot pockets!



Dartreal: It sounds exactly as life here only I know that I won't be kicked out after a month! You were also a leader of the eUS Military. How was that?

Cerb: I was fortunate enough to serve in several leadership positions with some of the coolest people alive. One nice feature of the military is that most of the soldiers have no interest in politics, and just want to defend their country. That attitude is refreshing, especially after slugging it out in Congress.

Dartreal: If you had to return back to the eUS and rejoin the military or congress, what would you pick?

Cerb: The military - no question. Congress is a great opportunity for players to learn about economics, finance, and other mechanics, but I think the red tape that people bring with them, trying to "play" Congress, really wears a person down after 3-4 terms. I've done SIX. I know how Congress works. No reason to go back really. Besides, the Dropbears would kick me out if I was land-locked! Haha!

Dartreal: Technically you wouldn't be kicked out of the Dropbears since you wouldn't be in the Dropbears since you wouldn't be in eAustralia.

Cerb: I realized that after I made the remark, but I think I've done everything I want to in the eUSA. Great memories, but I've started a new life here, you know? I am glad and proud to be an eAussie citizen! Would it be totally inappropriate for me to shout during this interview? Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!

Dartreal: A nice little way to get some popularity from the eAussies. Let's talk about the human skeleton, particularly the thigh bone. Did you know human thigh bones are stronger than concrete?

Cerb: I did not, but on a semi-related note, I read somewhere that a human has sufficient jaw pressure to chew concrete, if only we had stronger teeth for it. That's hard to fathom. Anyway, thigh bones ARE pretty strong. They are great for various aerobic activities.

Dartreal: Do you think that eAustralia should start building their defences out of thigh bones to make it harder for anyone wanting to invade in the future?

Cerb: I don't think so. I’m thinking mind-controlled sharks, or perhaps weaponized kangaroos, might be more practical. Lasers are a bit costly, but maybe a machine gun tripod in their pouch? Something to think about.

Dartreal: I have an article on our military's weapons and they have trained kangaroos to bounce their way into enemy lines and blow themselves up.

Cerb: See, you haven't thought about the inevitable public relations disaster from the animal rights angle.

Dartreal: No I believe our government took care of them by demonstrating one of the kangaroo suicide bombers to them, at their office, while all of their members were present in a meeting.

Cerb: Clever, but they will respawn.



Dartreal: And we'll keep blowing them up if they do. I want to ask you a question I've asked all eAmericans who have come over here to eAustralia to live: How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

Cerb: Well, I think the use of invisible ink has largely faded. Haha, see what I did there?

Dartreal: I saw what you did there. Very clever.

Cerb: *Tips hat* I do what I can.

Dartreal: So why did you come down to eAustralia? Why leave the eUSA?

Cerb: I've always been interested in eAustralia. I started out with friends in Maine, eUSA of all places, so that's where I made my first eHome. Once you start making friends, there's a lot of unspoken pressure to stay where you are. With all of the PTO's around the world, occasionally it's not looked kindly upon to transplant. People can be suspicious. However, I was pleased to find that I was welcomed by many eAustralians, and I think this country has enormous potential. eAustralia is a nation with a lot of history, and the geographic placement to be a force for positive change in the eWorld, if we can just get past the infighting. I realize that doesn't really answer the original question about my departure, but suffice it to say that I think I've done all I can in the eUSA.

Dartreal: So you didn't come here for the beaches?

Cerb: Off the record, Australia has some of the most enchanting wome-, I mean, beaches that I've ever seen. Oh, this is an interview, so everything is on record, eh?

Dartreal: Yeah yeah I'll cut some of it out later. How are you looking to help out eAustralia?

Cerb: I'd like us to do a better job driving forum participation, military training for civilians, military restructuring in general, and keeping the money market pegged at certain levels. A lot of people are concerned that we rotate through the same leadership too much. While I agree with the general sentiment, I think it's partially a function of not having enough interested citizens. In other countries I've eLived in, people climb over each other for political and military positions. It helps keep the government fresh and motivated. We really need to push our citizens to be more involved and show them how it can be fun. I am very grateful for those aforementioned veterans who keep serving month after month. Some of them even come out of retirement when there is a need. We need more people like that.

Dartreal: It sounds like you're a man with a plan and I'm sure a lot of eAustralians are looking forward to what you're going to do here. Here's an interesting question: Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

Cerb: Who says he isn't?

Dartreal: Animal experts?

Cerb: That's a pretty serious accusation.

Dartreal: I stand by my statement. Let's talk about the Kangaroo Express. What's its purpose?

Cerb: Well, one thing I noticed when moving here is that there aren't too many people reading papers. Many of my eAussie friends also told me that people just don't read papers. The Kangaroo Express is based on the USA Pony Express. It has a list of roughly 75-100 total votes that can be used to push critical/emergency/time-sensitive articles to the top 5. Typically, the Aussie DoD and the Prime Minister's papers make it there EVENTUALLY, but Jasper Ferguson and I believe it should be done immediately. As the country goes, it will become increasingly-important to ensure that we have the capacity to drive up key articles

Dartreal: And important interviews as well!

Cerb: But no, probably official uses only to prevent abuse haha.



Dartreal: I'm sure a little bribe would change your mind

Cerb: Corruption! So The Word Down Under participates in, as well as reports on, scandals? I see how this works. I wonder if you know about the dead stripper in your hotel room when you last visited Las Vegas…

Dartreal: Oh look at the time! Dinner's coming to an end! Word Association time!

Cerb: Haha! Ready when you are.

Dartreal: I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head. Tom Cruise.
Cerb: Scientology.

Dartreal: Star Trek.
Cerb: James T. Kirk!

Dartreal: Sweet and Sour Pork.
Cerb: An inferior substitute to sweet and sour chicken.

Dartreal: Manbearpig.
Cerb: What Corey Blake looks like with a hangover!

Dartreal: Cue ball.
Cerb: A giant, suspiciously-round chicken egg. Deep fried 8 times.

Dartreal: Cerb.
Cerb: A 3-headed dog.

Dartreal: And finally, Dartreal.
Cerb: Lady Gaga Hmm, that just came out. I'm not sure how the two are related

Dartreal: That's ok, I'll pretend you never arrived at my place for dinner when you're reported missing.

Cerb: Time will tell.

Dartreal: Indeed. Well Cerb thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion

Cerb: It was interesting. *Keeps an eye out for hidden weapons as he departs.*

Dartreal: Good bye... *Turns to his butler.* Follow him and make it look like an accident.

Unfortunately Cerb made it back to his home in perfect condition. Fortunately enough for me, I fired a crappy employee and hired someone who is guaranteed to do the job better. I’ll be looking forward to using them soon. As for Cerb, he seems like a person who really wants to make a change in eAustralia. In my books, that’s a good thing and I do hope he becomes more involved in eAustralian politics in the future. Join me next time for another addition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine eAustralia.