Join the new world

{Note: Apologises to all my readers. I’ve been very busy organising the Department of Baby Boom so I’ve had no time to get things done for my newspaper. On top of that, my computer got a virus forcing me into reformatting at short notice – meaning I lost a lot of my interviews and articles. Everything is good now so on with the show!)

Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal, and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with Aussie Bloke. Now going by the name of Lews – TherinTelamon, this young eAustralian has achieved a far bit of things in his short existence. He was the Squad Leader of the Lima Squad and has served as an ambassador to the eUSA and eCanada. He was involved in the cabinet as a Minister of Immigration, Security and Customs and was the Deputy Minister of Baby Booming – MY Deputy! He’s also a proud Communist who is currently the Party President of the Australian Communist Party. So many things in so little time, I think that this young kid deserves a little thank you through a good dinner. Won’t you join us eAustralia?



Tonight’s guest: Aussie Bloke.
Tonight’s meal: Tacos served with beer.
Tonight’s tune: Chopin’s “Scherzo”.

Dartreal: Aussie Bloke, thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion.

Aussie Bloke: Thank you I’m happy to be here.

Dartreal: How are you enjoying dinner?

Aussie Bloke: It’s quite nice except for all the hair I keep having to pull out of my teeth.

Dartreal: That's odd, the chef is bald.

Aussie Bloke: Well have you checked his back.

Dartreal: For the love of God, I hope it's from his back.

Aussie Bloke: Don’t we all.

Dartreal: Let's move on before we throw up our dinner. Let's talk about you being the ambassador to eUSA and eCanada. Something that comes to my mind are worms. Did you know that some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food?

Aussie Bloke: Oh my God, so it’s not just me! I thought the worms were disappearing!

Dartreal: Why do worms eat themselves instead of trying to find food?

Aussie Bloke: Well from what I could find out they would rather die than be skinny.

Dartreal: If you couldn't find any food, would you start eating yourself?

Aussie Bloke: Depends what I taste like I heard human taste like chocolate, don’t ask me where I found that out.

Dartreal: If you did taste like chocolate, would you eat yourself?

Aussie Bloke: I guess I’d eat my legs why do we need our legs anyway?

Dartreal: To walk.

Aussie Bloke: Well, ever heard of crawling?

Dartreal: What if you ate your arms and legs?

Aussie Bloke: Well… let’s just say my “third leg” will help me move, hehe.

Dartreal: What if you ate that?

Aussie Bloke: Come on! Do you really think any guy would eat there own third leg? I don’t think so we need that for things like, I don’t know… peeing?

Dartreal: If you had to eat your third leg to save yourself in a situation where you needed to eat it to survive, would you eat it?

Aussie Bloke: No.

Dartreal: You would die rather than eat your peepee?

Aussie Bloke: Well I would die if I ate my peepee cause I’d choke its quite big you see so it’s a lose-lose situation

Dartreal: What if you ate it in small pieces?

Aussie Bloke: You know how to ask the tough questions don’t you? Let’s just say I’d rather die than eat my peepee.



Dartreal: Fair enough We've seemed to have sidetracked completely from what we were going to talk about, you being ambassador to eUSA and eCanada. What is the difference between the two eCountries?

Aussie Bloke: Well eCanada worship a leaf and eUSA love their eagles.

Dartreal: What eCountry have you enjoyed ambassadoring to more?

Aussie Bloke: Well to be honest the eUSA citizens are pretty up themselves. The eCanadans are pretty cool. When I say cool, they are cool cause it’s cold there. Haha, get it? Oh I crack myself up!

Dartreal: I see what you did there. And to any eUSA citizens you've just angered that have read what you think about them?

Aussie Bloke: Ummmm take some cement pills and harden up. I love you eUSA!

Dartreal: Very good. A little while ago you were in charge of the great ausEaid charity from the hands of Cerri. It's a big responsibility running an organisation like that. Let's talk sexual harassment at work: Is it a problem for the self-employed?

Aussie Bloke: Depends, define sexual harassment for me.

Dartreal: Being harassed sexually.

Aussie Bloke: Without using the word thanks.

Dartreal: Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that involves unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favours or unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature that offends, humiliates or intimidates. It has nothing to do with mutual attraction or friendship.

Aussie Bloke: Oh I knew that no it’s no problem. I tend to think I’m quite good looking, haha!

Dartreal: If you were your own boss and you sexually harassed yourself, would you sue yourself?

Aussie Bloke: Hmm depends how much money I could get I need a new Q5 house.

Dartreal: Fair enough. So why do you think Cerri left you in charge of ausEaid?

Aussie Bloke: We'll she is my good looking eGrandma so I’m thinking that had something to do with it.

Dartreal: Calling her an eGrandma is an insult, right?

Aussie Bloke: No she hit me when I said eNanny but she was rather fine with eGrandma.

Dartreal: Some people might not be aware of your eFamily and your eLineage. Would you care to tell everyone about your eParents and eFamily?

Aussie Bloke: Sure. My eFamily is as followe😛 My eGrandpa is Ranger Bob who is also my eGod so that’s a bit strange, haha. Anyway my eGrandma is Cerri, my eDad is Timeion and my eMum is Binda.

Dartreal: Sounds like you come from good stock.

Aussie Bloke: Oh and I couldn’t forget my eUncle, Dartreal!



Dartreal: I'm your eUncle? I didn't know about this!

Aussie Bloke: I’m sorry didn’t you know? Well you’re lucky I guess I don’t have to buy you a Christmas prezzy now aye?

Dartreal: Don't think you'll be getting anything from me either, you little punk. I guess you'll be trying to come around more to my place for more beer and tacos.

Aussie Bloke: Well yeah I will if you minus the hair.

Dartreal: Well let's make a deal: you're welcome to come around any time for beer and tacos as long as you're not around when me and Ines Schumacher "decorate my bedroom", understood?

Aussie Bloke: Sure but you can’t be around when I am umm… playing my PS3 with Ines Schumacher in my room. Yes that will do hehehe.

Dartreal: Sounds like a good deal. Like eUncle like eNephew! Now let’s talk colours. What's your favourite?

Aussie Bloke: Red what’s yours?

Dartreal: Emo Black and Snow Yellow

Aussie Bloke: What’s Elmo black.

Dartreal: Emo, emo, not Elmo. There's a question, if Elmo were to be an emo would he dye his fur black?

Aussie Bloke: Well did you know actually he was black before he was red? I won’t say how he got red I’ll leave you to figure it out.

Dartreal: I'm not following.

Aussie Bloke: Well let’s just say Elmo was the first emo.

Dartreal: If Elmo returns to being an emo, do you think they'll release a "Slit My Wrists Elmo" doll?

Aussie Bloke: They already did I’m the number one collector in eAustralia. They come in so many different colours red black, black red, light black red, and black light red.

Dartreal: Sounds very, imaginative.

Aussie Bloke: Indeed.

Dartreal: Well dear eNephew I believe it's time for me to call your eMother to pick you up and take you home. Before you leave though, how about a little game of Word Assocation?

Aussie Bloke: Sure thing and don’t make me look like a kid in front of Ines Schumacher. I could get lucky with her… I mean I could get lucky and beat her on the PS3!

Dartreal: Ines isn't here. She's in eSouth Africa. I think I'll be going down for a little "diplomacy" if you catch my drift.

Aussie Bloke: Yes I do hahaha! Wait hold on… eww.



Dartreal: Ok that's enough about that. It's bad enough I'm serving beer to you yet alone talking about dirty things a child like you shouldn't be hearing. Your eMother is going to have my head when she picks you up. Now, Word association! Ready?

Aussie Bloke: I’m e22 thank you but yes carry on.

Dartreal: I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head. Popcorn.
Aussie Bloke: Movies with Ines Schumacher on the Friday night me putting on the move.

Dartreal: You little tiger! Next wor😛 Marilyn Manson
Aussie Bloke: Blonde.

Dartreal: Voodoo doll.
Aussie Bloke: That reminds me of the one time I tripped over a voodoo doll that made me trip over. I guess it was my voodoo doll, cool story aye?

Dartreal: Not really. Next wor😛 Apple strudel.
Aussie Bloke: Apple pies better.

Dartreal: Sing a song of sixpence, A pocket full of rye.
Aussie Bloke: Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye. Done.

Dartreal: What a lazy answer. Next wor😛 Aussie Bloke.
Aussie Bloke: Hmm sexy good looking really, really strong brave proud eAustralian!

Dartreal: Takes after his eUncle! And finally, Dartreal..

Aussie Bloke: Hold on! “Sing a song”… that’s not a Word Association! What kind of game show is this? What why are you taking my wallet?

Dartreal: No I’m on the other side of the table! Final word! Dartreal.
Aussie Bloke: Dartreal. Hmm… I think if the game Darts! Haha!

Dartreal: A game of darts? Is that what you think of your favourite eUncle?

Aussie Bloke: You did steal my wallet.

Dartreal: No I didn't, that was the chef who heard you complaining about the hair in your tacos.

Aussie Bloke: Oh its just so simple now. *Aussie’s phone rings.* Sorry that’s my mobile.

Dartreal: I take it that's your eMother?

Aussie Bloke: Actually no. I forgot about my Friday night movie date with Ines Schumacher. Bye!

Dartreal: But... she told me she was going to be having a congress meeting...

Thankfully after some DNA testing it was revealed that I am in no way related to Aussie Bloke / Lews - TherinTelamon, no matter how much he says that I am his eUncle. This is good in a way. The next day I hired Aussie Bloke / Lews – TherinTelamon as my eBodyguard. Now I’m not going to feel guilty when he takes a bullet for me. I hope this young man continues to do a fine job as the Party President of the Australian Communist Party, as my Deputy Minister and most importantly, as my eBodyguard. Join me next time for another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine eAustralia.