Join the new world

I walked into the small coffee shop. It was a small and intimate. There were only 2 other couples in the room and one strange guy in the corner reading a kindle, I for once would not be that strange guy. I walked up to the counter and ordered a medium hot chocolate, no cream, no marshmallows. I wouldn’t want to look like a pig now, not so early anyway.



A pretty girl walked in, whom I recognise from her Internet profile. She scanned the room and her eyes caught mine, her face fell slightly I could see a small look of disappointment in her eyes but she was polite enough or desperate enough to stay. She went and ordered some strange concoction that had coffee in there somewhere.



Lola: Hi I’m Lola
MWCerberus: I’m mwcerberus, but you can call me MWC
L: ummmm ok

In this moment of silence my mind went into panic mode, all pleasantries seem to have been covered over the Internet prior to meeting so I was lost for what to talk about. She started

L: so you work in a bank….
M: yes I have an incredibly boring job, and you work in a florist
L: ah ha I do
M: do you love flowers then or something
L: no they pay me to be there so….. I go there
M: mmmm, I’m allergic to flowers
L: ummm ok



We were then interrupted by the shop worker bring us our orders while I had gone medium she had gone small, I decided to ignore what this might say about the length of time she wished to spend with me and move on



We continued talking awkwardly despite knowing most of her personal details from the dating site already and having done some extensive research on facebook it seemed going over these facts was the only thing I could think to say to her.



Some of these ‘facts’ from her dating profile were also uncovered to be lies she wasn’t a natural blonde (I had my suspicions already from my facebooking). She was shorter than her profile would suggest and I suspected fatter although I didn’t ask her that one and of course I have little I can say in that department given my bulging gut.



After a while it seemed like I was interviewing her. Just checking off item after item.
I was also disappointed to find out her facebook was less than accurate too which none of her 3 favourite shows being the in the 8 she had liked on facebook which was very inconsiderate of her.



After we finished the coffees I asked her to accompany me with a walk on the canal despite trying to find a reason to leave I was having none of it and insisted accompanied me on a walk on the canal. Obviously she hadn’t arranged to have a friend call with a ‘family emergency’. Maybe she’s new to this game or too polite to lie, either way I’m making full use of it



We walked to the canal in silence it was rather awkward. At the canal I placed my arm around her shoulders, which immediately tightened up, her shoulder hunched up. So I removed my arm and we started walking slightly faster than a couple going for a stroll, more the pace of a couple walking through a dangerous park at night.

After 3 and a half minutes of silence



I thought of something to say

M: Beautiful here isn’t it
L: ……….
M: Nice to just be quiet and admire nature
L: Is that a condom over there in the water
M: ummmm yer would you like me to put it on for you



Now if I’d said this to any of my actual friends they would have known I was joking unfortunately she did not

L: I’m going to go home now
M: mmm alright then

Then she walked away leaving me alone by the side of the canal






bonus pics