Daily Agony - We are Back

Day 1,437, 05:56 • Published in South Africa Australia • by Don Vin

REMEMBER, IT IS VERY 'IMPORTANT' THAT YOU REGISTER YOUR SIM CARD

Operator:” Thank you for calling Scooter's Pizza. May I have your ..."
Mark Morcom: "Halloo, can I order?"
Operator:"Can I have your cell number first, Sir?"
Mark Morcom: "its eish ....., hold on .....eh.... 082-266-2566 .."
Operator:"OK... you're .... Mr Sfiso Majola and you're calling from 17 Retief Street Your home number is 011 403 2366, your office 011 764 2302 and your mobile is 082 266 2566. I see you are calling from your girlfriend's home. Does your wife know you are there?
Mark Morcom: "How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator: "We are connected to the System Sir."
Mark Morcom: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator:"That's not a good idea Sir."
Mark Morcom: "How come?"
Operator :"According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol levels, Sir."
Mark Morcom: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator:"Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Mark Morcom: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator:"You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir."
Mark Morcom: "OK I give up ... Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator :"That should be enough for yourself and your girlfriend's family of 10, Sir. The total is R149.99!
Mark Morcom: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank R5 720.55 since June this year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Mark Morcom: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives."
Operator:"You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawals today."
Mark Morcom: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator :"About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Green Double Cab ...."
Mark Morcom: "What!"
Operator :"According to the details in the system, you own a Nissan Double Cab, registration number NRB 132 GP ....."
Mark Morcom: “Foetsek, man.
Operator:"Better watch your language Sir. Remember on the 15th July 1987? You were convicted for using abusive language to a policeman. I need not tell you what happened to you at Kroonstad Prison"
Mark Morcom: [Speechless]
Operator:"Is there anything else Sir?"
Mark Morcom: "Nothing ...... by the way ... aren't you giving me those 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic ... "
Mark Morcom: "Please cancel the order, my girlfriend will have to cook..."

Operator: Ha ha....