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[SPQR] Sexy PQ Rules
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It's Party President election season. Watch your wallet!

With the current level of politicking going on in the ol' eUSA eCSA, it's a pretty sure bet that somebody will be working on PTO'ing your favorite party this coming Tuesday. How do we get so nutty about this stuff anyway?

I'm thinking there's probably something in the water.

Anybody remember the crowd of far-right lunatics that robo-man up there had to defeat in order to get to the Rebublican nomination in real life? Speaking of which, I saw the other day that Raving Loonie Number One is refusing to pay her staffers who had refused to sign a non-disclosure agreeing to keep quiet about “unethical, immoral, or criminal activity” they saw during her campaign.

Heh! Got news for you guys, whether you signed a NDA or not, her husband's still gay and she's still a ghastly gay-bashing anti-American religio-pschotic kook who is so wrong about so many things that it's hard to tell if she is massively incompetent and possibly the incarnation of Lucifer, or just plain crazy.

Jeepers. Anyway. What kind of nutbags would want to work for her in the first place? Oh yeah, right.

But I digress. What I wanted to talk about is...



PTO Fever - the Warning Signs!


PQ in bed with PTO fever

The PTO Fever is so hot, I came down with a mild case of it myself. I even found myself exploring those super-secret off-game sites that are totally devoted to learning how to PTO.

I really, really wanted to PTO the (so-called) Peoples Communist Party USA because, being pretty much just puppets of Gipper-Reagan entity, they are clearly neither for the people, nor e-communists with a correct political line, nor a party, nor good for the USA.

Even more unforgivable is their boring party avatar. Their party avatar is a straight rip-off of the CPUSA, which is in turn (in my humble opinion, of course) possibly the most boring "communist" party on the face of the earth, so watered-down in their radicalism that the official democratic-socialist wing of the Democratic Party is to their left.

It's almost ironic that the "PCPUSA" would support the Gipper-Reagan Bachmannish entity, since the RL CPUSA is just about that far to the right too... sheesh.



Anyway. Cooler heads prevailed. Some good comrades in the SFP got me some meds and the fever abated.

In the interest of not inadvertantly promoting anti-e-communism and thus damaging the unbreakable iron solidarity of the working class forces in the e-class war, I backed down from my fearful threat to PTO the PCPUSA.

Forthwith and heretofore, I simply appeal to the partisans of the PCPUSA, to remember their duty to proletarian democracy and therefore to (a) change that gawdawful avatar to something hip and interesting, and (b) either make a coherent far-left argument in favor of the AFA, or do the right e-commie thing and abandon your support for the anti-workerist crypto-e-fascist agenda of the anti-nationalist, anti-proletarian Gipper-Reagan entity.

Please. For the childern.



Right. Umm. Where was I? Oh yes, the warning signs of PTO Fever. If you find yourself experiencing any of the following symptoms, do consider taking a long walk on the beach, or if you are not near a beach, then just a long walk -- you know, outside -- or letting a dog lick your face for a while, or maybe just going out for some ice cream with some other real-life human beings.

Symptoms of PTO Fever:

* An over-weening sense of self-importance.
* A gnawing fear that what happens in eRepublik makes a rat's ass of a difference to anyone who might someday want to sleep with you.
* Actual anxiety about the Gipper-Reagan entity's in-game activity.
* Loss of appetite or general decrease in sexual energy.

BTW, on that last point, it is a scientifically proven e-fact that joining the Socialist Freedom Party will automatically make you anywhere from 35% to 47% sexier. So think about it.

Also, if you a newish player and just need help keeping body and soul together, be sure to read this awesome advice on avoiding THE TRAP! of spending all your e-gold needlessly, and also check out the Tanks for Tots and Government Cheese programs started up by SFP militant Ghost of Tom Joad. This program will provide you with free weapons and free food...'cause that's how us real e-commies roll, cuz, yeah, uh-huh...



OK, next topic is...

This 'SPQR' Business

First off, let me just say that this is me opinionating. If you don't like me saying nice things about SPQRistas, or you don't like me saying smart-ass things about SPQRistas, or you just don't like me very much period, then please pay close attention to the following public service announcement:




Right. OK. Now that we have that clear...


The first thing to note is that the recent wave of sloganeering revolves around the acronym: SPQR. Various theories have been put foward about what this means, including some kind of nonsense about integrating games like "Age of Empires: The Rise of Rome", "Rome: Total Realism" and "Rome: Total Realism VII" into eRepublik. Obviously, that is just the cover story for noobs and neer-do-wells.

I have it on good authority that "SPQR" actually stands for "Sexy PQ Rules!".

I would have to say that naming a major social movement in eRepublik after me is, in fact, a huge step in the right direction. (The previous naming of an alliance "Phoenix" was gratifying, of course, but since that alliance was an evil collection of anti-American noodlers, it didn't do so much for my reputation.)

Hopefully this movement will soon begin to glorify my Thought in a more overt way, rather than through these somewhat oblique references to Dioism that will only lead the reader to The Supreme Ultimate Wind of the Highest Attainment via a tortuous path.

Let's review.

In The Gospel According to PQ, the Direct Teaching of the Spectacular “Hog Farm” Formless Precepts School of the Third Vehicle were revealed to the eWorld. In that dissertation, it was noted that PQ's Ultimate Wind builds on the lesser Vehicles of Dioism and Ramonist-Chuikovism. So, there is no conflict or anything. This is just the best, spiciest road.

As noted in the "Gospel", achievement of the Ultimate Wind is achieved simply by invoking the following chant:

All e-things
are like a dream, an illusion, a bubble, a shadow.
They are like the morning dew, or a flash of lightning.
Yes, let's view all things as shifting sands.

(And if you happen to be thinking "Sexy PQ Rules!" while chanting it, so much the better.)



Now, before getting into the additional precepts, I should point out that following the true, shining path of PQ Thought as expressed in the mystical formula "SPQR", is NOT, as some rude people have promoted via fictional accounts, some kind of...


First of all, while he may well be a nympho queen (although that has not ever been proven), PQ is defintely not a blonde. So just ignore any trash who promote such ideas.


Studying PQ Thought is mainly a way of deeply examining the True Meaning of Freedom in eRepublik.

Along with quickly achieving the Ultimate Wind (via the chant noted above), devoted SPQRistas also learn to...

* Closely explore the nature of the real Real, as noted in works like Patterns of Discontent and Their Antidotes, which deals with securitization, security, and the contestation for public space as a necessary precondition for freedom.

* Examine the historical roots of freedom struggles in eRepublik, as in Seeing Red, an exegesis on World War 3, or as PQists prefer to call it, the Great Resistance and, based on a combination of e-historical materialism and magical e-realism, identify what the future should look like, for example, in works like Declaration on the Rights of All Players.

* Ride the contours for the possiblities of an emancipatory project within our e-lifetimes, as explored by PQ devotee Delmar Abdulmeningitis, who took a hard look at trauma, truth and e-literature in
Tractacus e-Logico-Philosophicus.

* Distinguish the utility of various forms of stupidity, an important skill for any eRep player, young or old, noobster or crusty old fart, as delineated in And yet it moves, a study in stupidity.

* Explore the question of Freedom directly in discourses like FREEDOM: No Time to Lose, which provides a 13-step program for
overcoming Reason with Art and Freedom Arises Chaotically, a manifesto of the e-Global Anarcho-Syndicalist Movement (eGASM, PQ's road map for e-global liberation).

* Or, if all of that seems like too much, there is PQ's simple exercise plan for The End of Wretchedness. As explained in Something I Have Heard Before, it consists mainly in not being a dick.




Whichever stream of PQ Thought appeals to you the most, and whether you choose to embrace it via the SPQR campaign or in some other way, you should know that by paying close attention, having a marvelous vision, and applying a bit of stick-to-it-tiveness, you too can be an awesome contortionist archer!

Yes, you can quickly achieve the Ultimate Wind.

There is no need to "take over" the energy of others, my lovely hamsters.

It is already in you, just waiting to come out.

Shanti. Shanti. Omaha.