[Satire] The Real Housewives of… eRepublik

Day 1,692, 15:44 • Published in Australia Netherlands • by lancer450

"From left to right: Miss Wolf, Binda33, Larni Kaddlestorm, Bia Pandora, and Molly Jo Caine"

Here are your housewives, eRepublik!



Miss Wolf
"I traded being a singer for being a mum, but now I'm ready to step back into the spotlight."

Prior to starting a family, Miss Wolf had a very successful singing career including numerous songs on the top 40 chart. Having put her career on hold to raise her kids, she has her sights set on re-entering the spotlight. Miss Wolf lives in a luxurious waterfront penthouse condominium with her teenage boys, ages 16, 15 and 13. Having recently returned to the world of dating, Miss Wolf isn’t impressed with the crop of single men available in eRepublik. She tries to maintain an optimistic outlook on dating, but really wants to find someone special to share her life with. You can always find her playing on IRC, so if you want a shot at her guys, be sure to find her on #ausrep. Miss Wolf is sweet, considerate, and gives people the benefit of the doubt. She's definitely someone you should get to know.


Binda33
"At this stage in my life, I can't afford to say it like it is and not look good doing it."

Owning four houses side-by-side in an exclusive, waterfront gated area of Sydney only begins to showcase the lifestyle that defines Binda33. A yacht, a private jet, and a 200-acre Napa Valley vineyard, are just some of the toys that Binda33 has at her disposal. Binda33 has four children as well as 10,000 cats, their ages ranging from 5 to 23. Binda33 prides herself on her charity work and sits on the Board for a cause very close to her heart and her family. A true alpha personality, Binda33 loves a good secret and isn’t afraid to speak her mind. Social and quick with a laugh, she loves a good party and will often leave everyone wondering what she will say or do next.

Larni Kaddlestorm
"eRepublik is a gold mine and I love to go digging."

Larni Kaddlestorm looks at eLife with a carefree attitude. A six foot tall, free-spirited blonde with no children, she is now successfully and happily, a lady of leisure. However, she’s not one to sit idle. Larni enjoys the opportunity to explore cultures and countries while keeping eAustralia as her home base. A modern day Brigitte Bardot, Larni is content to play the field and enjoy her freedom. As for girlfriends, she chooses to keep her list short. She generally finds women to be competitive and backstabbing. True to her party girl nature, Larni is vivacious and generally up for anything. If you're able to keep up with her, you've got her heart.

Bia Pandora
"I live life in the fast lane, catch me if you can."

Bia is graceful and statuesque…as well as a tomboyish adrenaline junkie with a need for speed. She spends her spare time studying mixed martial arts and collecting exotic sports cars – testing her limits on the racetrack. Given her hobbies, it’s no surprise that Bia rules the roost in her household. It’s no secret she loves the lavish lifestyle. Her fleet of high-end vehicles consists of nine luxury cars including Bia’s favourites - Ferraris 599 GTO and 458 Italia valued together at $1 million. She is definitely an intriguing blend of hard and soft. Bia can enter a room and turn heads in her sky-high heels, but in the ring, she’ll take you out. Careful not to take sides too quickly, Bia can dodge a conflict like a pro. But don’t mistake her neutral persona for someone who lacks an opinion.

Molly Jo Caine
"Every queen needs an empire and I built mine from scratch."

A very successful clothing store owner and self-made businesswoman, Molly is funny, feisty, no-nonsense and strongly believes in telling it like it is. Fashion-forward and eccentric, her bold visual statements tend to match her big personality. With an entrepreneurial sense that serves her well, she has grown her company and MU into a multi-million dollar empire and now likes to refer to herself as “Martha Stewart on acid.”

Update: Whilst I was writing this satirical piece, I received information that Molly Jo Caine was shot in real life. She is a longtime friend of mine in eRepublik and my thoughts and prayers are with her and my other friend, Cody Caine, at this time. You may read about the incident here and send your support as well.

**This is satire!** 😛