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Cheers.

G’day, I’m lancer450 and welcome to the 2nd annual eAustralian National Awards live from Crown Entertainment Complex in Melbourne!



[Audience]
(cheers)

Voted for by the people of eAustralia. Tonight you get eAustralia’s biggest a$$hole, hosting the eWorld’s second biggest awards show on eAustralia’s 7th largest newspaper. Sorry, is it? Eighth. It’s eighth.

For any of you who don’t know, the eAustralian National Awards are just like the Logies, but without all of the esteem.

[Audience]
(laughs)

The eAustralian National Awards are to the Logies what Paris Hilton is to Her Majesty the Queen. Louder, drunker, trashier, and looser. Though, nothing’s been proven.


Wanna get white girl wasted?

Now, I have been told to follow a list of rules by the Admins. One of those being no nudity. See, that’s a shame. Because I’ve got a huge – vocabulary. But a tiny p3nis. No, no. It’s true – doesn’t matter. It works. Don’t worry. It’s fine.

[Audience]
(laughs)

So, shall we get on with it? This time last year, our first presenter was to be the biggest movie star on the planet. But – I guess he was too busy attending that National Socialism event or something. Yes, yes. Him… Mel Gibson. Apparently I mustn’t mention Mel Gibson this year. Not his private life, his politics, his recent films, and especially not Jodie Foster’s beaver. Ugh. Damn. I did it again. Sorry glorious Admins!

[Audience]
(laughs)

Anyways… let’s get this thing started!

The first award to be given out tonight is the Best Overall Player award. It’s one that many endeavour for and is one of the most respected of them all. The three nominees standing for this award tonight are my good friends, Roboa, Majester, and Malgoo. And… the winner… is… Majester! He came away with a total of 45.8% of the vote, with Roboa close behind him at 41.7% and Malgoo with 12.5% of the vote. Congratulations mate!


The next honour to be awarded is the Best Writer award. This award is one very close to my heart. It is one I have sought since the very first eAustralian National Awards. The three nominees for this award are lancer450 (me), H.Nelson, and Roboa. The winner of the Best Writer award is… lancer450 with a total of 60.4% of the vote! I would like to take this moment to sincerely thank those who voted for me, and thank my competition as well. Now, let’s get back to writing, because our media module is looking horrid at the moment!


The Best Rookie award is one that I, and many others, were looking forward to. The three nominees are JasonWaz, DraimAlexander, and Rayyyzor. It essentially came down to two players during the voting. The results were extremely close. It went back n’ forth throughout the 96 hours of voting. In the end, JasonWaz was able to take it with 43.8% of the vote. DraimAlexander followed him with a neighbouring 41.7% and Rayyyzor with 14.6%. Congrats Jason!


Our next award is the Best Fighter award, and, like most of the awards tonight, it was fiercely contested. The three players up for this award tonight are Henry the 8th, infin, and MGB Guy. And… the winner is… MGB Guy with 39.6% of the vote! Not far behind him was Henry the 8th with a total of 35.4% and infin with 25%. Felicitations! Nice job! Keep up the good work guys!


Next, we have the Best Military Unit award. It was rather split evenly between the FuzzyBunnies, KnightHawks, and Australian Freedom Unit throughout it all. Though, in the end, the FuzzyBunnies were able to pull it off with 39.6% of the vote! The AFU came in a close second with 33.3% and the KnightHawks trailing them with 27.1%. Great job for such a relatively young MU. Congrats to everyone!


Our subsequent award is the Best Political Party award! The three contenders for this award are the Australian Parliamentary Party, Green and Gold Party, and the Australian National Party. In the end, the APP were able to come away with the win! They received a total of 58.3% of the vote whilst the ANP acquired 25% and the GnG attained 16.7%. Give a ‘hear-hear’ to the APP everbody!


[Commercial]

And we’re back! Sorry about that folks. I guess PEPSI decided not to sponsor us after all.

[Audience]
(laughs)

Well, to get that image out of your head… let’s continue on with the show!

Next is the Most Noob-Friendly Player award. All three of these contenders – Marcos Arolia, Miss Wolf, and Ranger Bob - are well-known eAustralians, and, in my opinion, each of them deserved this honour. Though, tonight, there can only be one winner. And, that winner is… Prime Minister Marcos Arolia! He was able to manage an impressive 47.9% of the vote!


The following award is the Best Senator award; a new addition from last year. The three nominees for this award are PhoenixGreen, JasonWaz, and myself. You, eAustralia, have spoken… and the award goes to lancer450 who garnered a moving 56.3% of the vote. PhoenixGreen followed shortly behind me with 27.1% and freshman Senator JasonWaz got about 16.7%. I would like to, once again, thank all who voted for me and for my fellow competitors as well. Thank you!


The Best Prime Minister award is one that created some controversy in my previous article. I would like to remind everyone that it is you, who nominated the following players. So… no complaints! The three nominees this year are… Majester, srg91, and lancer450 (me). The winner of this award achieved tremendous support, and rightfully so. The victor is… Majester! He was able to amass 54.2% of the total vote with both srg91 and I taking 22.9% of the vote each. Congratulations mate!


The next award goes to DocterDry/DocterDry2. An astounding 66.7% of you voted him to be the Biggest Troll in all of eAustralia. Maybe we will get to see him in action in the comment section below? Who knows? 😛


[The Lonely Island and Michael Bolton perform Jack Sparrow]

[Audience]
(Applause/Standing Ovation)

That was an amazing performance, wasn't it? Thanks to The Lonely Island and Michael Bolton. You guys were great! Now, after that riveting performance, let's continue on with the show!

The following award is the Friendliest Player award. The three players in contention for this accolade are myself, Marcos Arolia, and MGB Guy. There are many more people who, I believe, may also qualify for this award because, in my view, our eNation is one of the kindest and most welcoming in all the eWorld… once you get to know us. 😉 And, the Friendliest Player award goes to… lancer450 with 43.8%. Marcos Arolia followed shortly behind with 39.6% and MGB Guy came in third with a total of 16.7%. Thanks, once more, to all of the voters. I will cut this award into thirds and share it with my fellow nominees out of respect to them. Besides, it’s pretty easy to divide fictitious awards. 😛


Our ensuing award is the Best Avatar award. The three contenders are the well-known scottty, Greg MaCGregor, and Larni Kaddlestorm. Each have enviable avatars if I do say so myself. In the end, though, scottty came out on top with a resounding 47.9% of the overall vote. Cheers!


Immigrant of the Year. Yes, this is another addition from last year. With eAustralia being such a diverse eNation full of players from many different RL countries, I decided that this award was needed in order to recognise this. The three nominees for this award are alimilano, irule777, and argi the eliminator. And… the winner… of the Immigrant of the Year award… is… alimilano, who took a commanding 52.1% of the vote! irule777 followed behind with an even 25% and argi the eliminator was able to gather 22.9%. Great job guys and congrats to alimilano!


The following award – Quote of the Year – was announced in my previous article and thus, will not be awarded tonight due to it already being given to Hayden Radford for his quote: “Ooopppsss… I accidentally ran for presidency.” I would like to apologise to Miss Wolf, again, as there was a mix-up during the nomination stage. My apologies.

Now, the next award is the Quitter of the Year award. During this past year, we’ve seen many faces come and go. Some we miss more than others. You can take this award as either a negative or a positive. Perhaps people voted for you because they missed you a lot, or perhaps they disliked you and are glad you left. I don’t know which. I guess it’s up to you guys to decide. Anyways… the nominees are TJ Norton, Callumh123, and Adam Von Templar. The winner is… TJ Norton with an amazing 62.5% of the votes! Congrats ermmmmm… I think. XD


And now for our final award of the night… the Return of the Year award. Coincidentally, TJ Norton is also a nominee in this category, along with scottty and a non-eAustralian, Ronald Gipper Reagan (also known as Ajay Bruno/Pizza the Hut/Pizza the Hut II/General Cartman Lee). And… the winner… of the final award of the night…. is… after an extremely close vote… with only two votes separating first and second place… the winner is… scottty! Congratulations mate! scottty was able to manage a striking 45.8% of the vote whilst TJ Norton was able to garner a total of 41.7%. Ronald Gipper Reagan landed in third place with a mere 12.5% - higher than expected for someone who isn’t even a citizen of this eCountry.


And that’s a wrap for the 2nd annual eAustralian National Awards! I would like to thank everyone who participated and congratulate all of the nominees and winners. Congratulations everybody! Have a great night everyone, and, if you don’t mind, please give this article a vote!

[Audience]
(Applause/Standing Ovation)

Thanks and warm regards from your host,



P.S. Please read this important announcement from the prime minister.