Happiness Is A Warm Gun

Day 790, 10:44 • Published in USA USA • by Jude Connors
MOOD MUSIC: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE2Vdcv9Q_o

She's not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do, oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane

The man in the crowd with the multi-colored mirrors
On his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
Working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the National Trust

What an awesome few days, Guys. Let me share some of the great stuff that has happened!

This Month...
GI Connors News
NEW Flying Unicorns Program
Department of the Interior Media Program
How to Fight

GI Connors News

Last night was pretty freaking awesome for my very short military career. As I checked in to receive my orders, I noticed a message was waiting for me. I checked the sender and it was from the RECBN Commander himself, Maj. Kyler Lee Octan. I opened it quickly to read and was immediately happy. Major Octan had good news, I had graduated RECBN and was being assigned to the 1st Division, 1st platoon. I am now a REAL Army soldier, not just a recruit.

I read my orders then met up with the Quartermaster. Lt Col George Armstrong "F-Bomb" Custer congratulated me then supplied me with weapons for the fight tonight. I left then headed out to join everyone in the staging area. After the target was confirmed, we waited for our call to battle.

If you have never been a part of a mass attack, you don't know what you are missing. It's amazing to see the dedication of fellow soldiers and other military as we all "stayed up to the witching hour... and beyond". When we attacked, watching the wall fall was nothing short of amazing. When all was said and done, over 200 K damage was put on the wall, and that was prior to midnight.

A quick trip to the hospital raised my wellness and I was ready to begin my day. It was then that I noticed I was like one good fight away from leveling up in game to "general". I mentioned it to my good buddy, Disdick; and he gave me one hell of a graduation present - SIX Q5 WEAPONS! I fought once and Disdick then gifted me back to 100. He's just awesome like that. I look again and BLAM - GENERAL! Thanks Disdick, my damage is better now and now there is only one more level left! You rock!

Graduation + EXTREMELY Successful Mass Attack + Leveling Up To General = AWESOME ARMY NIGHT!!!

NEW Flying Unicorns Program

The Flying Unicorn Squadron is a name that is respected by many eAmericans - old and young alike. Named by the baddest of the bad - Eugene Harlot - the FUS started off as an anti-PTO organization. Then the Unicorns turned their attention to moving people into the fortress states by offering moving tickets to younger eAmericans who needed it. The FUS also was the org in which the war bonds used to help pay for World War III were repaid to eAmericans. To streamline the process of getting tickets and food to new eAmericans, I merged the FUS with the Meals on Wheels program, effectively closing the doors on the Flying Unicorn Squadron a few weeks ago.

Today, I am introducing the NEW Flying Unicorn Squadron: Tiamati.Magick, Gildorg, Nova Coru, and Archer Bullseye. These four volunteers will man the Flying Unicorn Squadron and talk to eAmericans who use the USA National game chat room. Their mission is to educate all those looking for assistance and provide them a moving ticket if they are not in one of the fortress states. This is going to be an amazing program, and help the eUSA retain the new citizens we are losing. This, in connection with the other citizen retention programs, serves to strengthen our great nation. Please welcome the new volunteers with open arms!

I am asking that people continue to send people to this request sheet for moving tickets. The FUS tickets are only for those players lost in the game chat.

Department of the Interior Media Program

The Department of the Interior Media Program will be a new program that will debut next week. The goal of this program will be similar to the DoD order program that currently exists, only run through the Department of the Interior. This program will focus on providing educational material to new players of the game through the media outlets. We feel that this will help to aid retention of new citizens, and will help them to become more active and involved in the game. Each article will start with the same basic message that will include information on becoming involved in the eusforum, how to contact Meals on Wheels, and how to receive a moving ticket to a fortress state if they need it. After that the articles will feature a rotating focus on an educational topic. These articles will be posted a few times each week with the goal of continually being in the top 5 to attract attention from new players almost every day.

For more information, subscribe to the DoI paper, eAmerican Times.

How to Fight

One of the most common problems I see from new players is not knowing how to fight and use the hospital.

Why you should fight:
1) You're helping your country.
2) When you fight, you can use a hospital once per day, which if you live in a state with a Q5 (5-star) hospital, gets you 50 wellness points. (See instructions on how to use the hospital at the end of this article.)
3) Each fight gives you two experience points, and experience points help you go up another level.
4) It's fun!

The drawbacks of fighting: There are none! This isn't real life where people die and get injured.

Read more of this awesome article by USA Welcoming Committee Director ligtreb!

Till next time...
Take A Sad Song...
And Make It Better...
Jude Connors
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