Fundraiser to Counter Russian Emperor's Vow
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Jack Flufferton
By now we all know parter, the Russian emperor (can you call yourself that if you don't even own all your original territories?), is way rich and will do whatever it takes with real money to defeat the eUS. I'm no Russian oil magnate, so I'll offer what I can to bring some real money into this game:
Me and all of my mullety goodness. I can be yours, and not just for a date, but for good. You can comb my hair every night, rub balms on my forehead, whatever.
I realize this is a big sacrifice on my part - I may never get to have a career, kids or a wife - but that's how much the eUSA matters to me. In turn, you guys have to put up big, big money. The winning bidder's money will all go into buying gold to counter parter's desperate attempt.
Two stipulations: you have to provide me with internet access to continue playing eRep and you have to comment with your offer and what you'd do with me (e.g. I'd take you around the state fair on a leash and feed you cotton candy all day). Don't get the article deleted because of your comments; this should be funny because this war is very boring right now.
Have fun!
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Comments
españaxxx
no...
hahahahaha!
lol...good luck with this man.
hahahaha
Can I comb your hair???
Voted!
I will bid for 0.01 USD!
voted
Good lord that picture is freaky
If you pay me 500 USD then maaaaybe...
No offense Jack but its a damn scary picture.
Lool 😃
votat si subscris
I don't have much use for you, but I'll buy your hair for 20 bucks.
$2...... if you can make grilled cheese. And bring the shirt.
eeeek! And what of the Missus? What does he think of this mullety shameless move?
I have some questions first:
1. Can you get things freed that get stuck in zippers?
2. Will you do beer bongs then streak with me through the quad?
Uh, yeah. Any chance that your wife is really hot and likes to do housework in the nude? If not, think I'll take a pass on this one...
Oh, but voted because I like the mullet.
I heart that picture.
I'm compelled to make plaster molds of that dome...
...Can I, um, draw you?
Yes and yes, Dude. I come with a jar full of lube, so you will soon be free.
That's a hint to the rest of you
Follow up questions:
1. Does waxing cause you discomfort?
2. Do women with adam’s apples as big as their testicles attract or repulse you?
3. Do you enjoy going to parks and making little kids fetch sticks for you like they were dogs?
4. Do you have a problem with midgets in diapers cleaning the apartment while I’m at the track earning a living?
5. Will you get a tattoo on your lower back? Something special-surprise me.
If I win the bid, there will be no late night parties, drinking tequila, and trying to get lucky with Ajay.
You can't put a price on that mullet. That thing is EPIC SECKS.
1. I think it's pretty obvious that I have never been near a razor or wax. I'm pretty unkempt, but it's good for styling.
2. A hole's a hole.
3. I'm not legally allowed around children based on looks alone. Parks tend to clear out pretty quick when I roll in.
4. Nope, but Dude, midget is not the preferred nomenclature. Little person, please.
5. The derriere abides.
What about Ajay? You know, your husband...
the...the picture... *shivers*
seriously*, good luck with The Dude Abides.
ok, SERIOUSLY now, your answer to #2? did you even think about it? if not, then great!
*(not actually seriously)
o_o
lol Jack
The Dude: F sympathy! I don't need your fn' sympathy, man, I need my fn johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
The Dude: For Jack Flufferton, Donny.
Walter: STFU Donny!
Omg, you're hilarious!
I will get you laid. This will not be an entirely altruistic act, mind you; my probation calls for me to perform one miracle, or else it's back to the big house for me to serve out the entirety of my sentence.
Ajay won't be happy when he finds out about this. Don't worry, I won't tell him, as long as you go to him tonight and use a good portion of that jar to make him feel like a man.
Oh god. 😨
Don't let 'em get you down, Fluff.
I'm working on a head of hair myself and I'm at 2/3 of what you've got. Mines has more curl and is further back, but it does resemble.
Fight the power! Even if it IS the power of opinion. I mean, being able to do that is what separates us from eRusskies and (*gag😉 eIranians.
MZ
You GO, bro!
That being said, you get my sympathy vote but not my ca$h.
MZ
For $10 USD (real money!), I'll cut your hair, put you in a suit, make you get a job in sales and make you hang out sports bars during happy hour acting like a macho douchebag.
http://i83.servimg.com/u/f83/14/23/47/88/4jack10.jpg" target="_blank">http://i83.servimg.com/u/f83/14/23/47/88[..]0.jpg
Is that you Jack in the jpg?
Arggh, matey, maybe this article'd best be written while honoring Talk Like A Pirate Day, ter get yeh're message clear as possible, cap'n
I won't be able to sleep for weeks now........
since the bid is only at 20 bucks I bet 20.01 that lube isn't cheep :/
lol
No sex, just a straight-up haircut 🙂
IS THERE TROUBLE WITH YOU AND AJAY!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!
There is nothing holy left...
I'll send you one gold to take down that picture. It's horrifying.
You're scary.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA!
If I was rich and had a chance to compete with all the lovely ladies that are sure to bid for you, and I won, I would sell you to parter in exchange for eArkansas...
I bid eleventybillion Gold!
i just puked
I bid 7 gold
This is wrong on so many levels, it makes superstring theory look one-dimensional...
I think i just blacked out. The blood rushed from my brain to my feet, Scary pic. Nice mullet tho. *voted*