SHOCKING SEX SCANDAL ROCKS THE eUSA POLITICAL WORLD!
Pony Express
By Shrimp Collars
In perhaps the most shocking scandal in eUS history, it was revealed today that SFP member Frankin Stone and USWP stalwart and former President of the eUS Derphoof have been caught in a compromising position at the Chickensguys National Hotel in eWashington DC. A photographer from this very paper caught the two in the Glove Executive Suite. The pictures, it goes without saying, are simply too explicit to publish in this paper.
We tried to reach Shiloh, Franklin's long-time life partner for comment, but he was too devastated to speak on the record. The SFP and USWP party memberships are up in arms over this forbidden affair, and both are in shock that two of their favorite sons would be sneaking around and sharing who knows what secrets with rival parties!
When asked for comment on this, eUS President Chickensguys said "This is an inclusive administration. We are LGBTQIA+ friendly, and welcome people and animals of all persuasions. As the first chicken-american President, I know what it is like to deal with this sort of public pressure. I wish Frank and Derphoof all the happiness in the world, and send them my love. I hope Shiloh is doing well in this time as well. We may clash politically, but love knows no ideological boundary."
In related news, recently in the halls of Congress, Congressman Grendeli had publicly criticized Speaker of the House dmjohnston and Congressman Andy Dufresne for their relationship, causing a near riot to break out during a congressional session! Grendeli was immediately attacked by Dinnyin and PimpDollaz, long-time and well known partners as well. We ask this question to you. Are these affairs between high-profile politicians in our country causing so much drama that we the American people should take issue with it disrupting our government? When will this end, and when can we get back to the business of the people, NOT pointless political gossip?
As this shocking story evolves and new updates become available, stay tuned right here to this paper! We report the stories the lamestream media simply won't. Real facts. Real news. We bring it to you, the American people to decide!
Comments
I'm not currently a congressman, but will definitely run next election if it gets me a little Brokeback mountain time with Dufresne or Derphoof...
You don't need to be in Congress
What a weirdly homophobic "joke".
make believe muckraking + attacking critics anonymously via the Gov't publication formerly devoter to promoting other publications = true chicken (figuratively and literally) crap
remember when the Government used Pony Express to tell people about other papers and to link to information that citizens needed? Good times.
Way too ghey!
tldr
Ahahahahahahah!
Ok, definitely this paper has been hacked.
Nothing to knock anyone of their socks here,.. All old news
[removed]
DMJ+AD=4Eva
hardliners on a cold night
Real news would be zRTx latest romance...
which of them
This one with stilion13 😃
bleh, this isn't particularly funny.
way too obsessed with calling people gay, just feels homophobic idk
I'm just happy to be incuded
o7