[WHPR] Thee Dude Abides, The eUS Thrives

Day 5,099, 19:46 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room

Thee Dude at long last recognized as Time Man of the Year

Dateline: Friday, November 5th (Day 5,099)
Location: James S. Brady Press Room, The White House

Today’s WHPR
1. Advanced Election Forecast
2. Congress: What is it? What do they do?
3. The War Room: When is Fighting Appropriate

Today's WHPR is guest edited by radical librarian Paul Proteus, so direct all complaints to Malarkey


Thee Dude Defeats Truman
Person who read FiveThirtyEight once, Paul Proteus

Greeting Citizens! First, as of publication, it is election day, so if you haven't voted yet, vote! If it's the 6th when you're reading this, consider time travel!

Here at the WHPR we have the honor of being on the frontlines in delivering the latest news from the administration to your doorstep, but we do other things too.

For example, we call close elections using the most advanced polling techniques.

And today, we have seen enough: Thee Dude has won CP for November


Ok, at time of writing it's not exactly close

The eUS has chosen another month of prosperity under Thee Dude's steady hand. According to an insider intimately related to the administration, Thee Dude's policies involve finding a new rug for the Oval Office that will really tie the room together.




Congress, IES, and a Speaker, Oh My!
Local man who totally knows how to tie a tie: Paul Proteus

Congress, long thought to be a vestigial organ of American democracy, like the tailbone, or wisdom teeth, has recently been seen acting decisively.

Well, acting anyway.

We sent our top reporter to the hall of Congress to find out what Congress has been up to. He was subsequently murdered by those lunatics, so I went and found out myself.


Pictured above: Representative and CBO member DMJohnston being asked to report on recent spending

What is Congress doing?

Since being elected, our November Congress has been hard at work, first electing a Speaker...

Hold on, what's a Speaker?

The Speaker of the House is in charge of moderating Congress and making sure debate flows smoothly. This month, What a Guy has been elected speaker. May he herd cats with great finesse.

Oh, cool, well what else?

Well, Congress also appointed a new IES director

IES, sounds important!

It is! IES is who Congress delegates the role of screening new citizenship passes. No Congress member can approve a citizen without IES approval without risking Congressional censor.

So who is the new IES director?

Ubuntu21 of course!

Wow, Congress sounds great. Can I observe this somehow?

Yes intrepid citizen, Congress' activities all take place here in some form of public forum. Take part in democracy and watch your representatives at work!

Oh cool...cool...so what you doing later?

[redacted]





Always Training Wars, Why Not Training Peace??
Sadly, still Paul Proteus

Leo Tolstoy once said "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Surely he meant happy families all have training wars and train for wars together.

And here in the eUS, the Department of Defense has ensured we are a very happy family.

For a full list of our training war situation, check out this DoD update

If you're too lazy to click a link, we will dutifully repost What a Guy's map here


Think we have too much integrity to steal What a Guy's work? Think again!

It's beautiful....which is why we are stealing it and selling it as an NFT. Send 100,000 USD to the WHPR and uh you can own the heart and soul of this digital image. Sure. Why not.



Your moment of Zen





[WHPR] Thee Dude Abides

:The links are a metaphor....for entropy...or something deep:

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