Emerick for West Midlands

Day 1,311, 15:01 • Published in United Kingdom USA • by Emerick

Friends, patriots, Englishmen, lend me your ears. I come before you today to vie for your support in what is most likely to become the most important Congress election of our time.

My friends, what we Englishmen have before us is a mighty decision to make. Our allies in ONE want us to join. Kind of. Actually, they could care less. We have no strategic interest to them, and honestly, we're chaotic evil when we're neutral, and I think they'd like us to stay that way. They don't care in the least what we do. On the other side is our friends that we signed the Strasbourg Treaty with. With ONE occupying both of them right now, we're in a bit of a situation. However, because we are British, no one expects us to actually honor our agreements.

Because of our British ways, I will be pushing for our country to join ONE, if elected. If not elected, I'll push everyone to join Eden. Or Luna. Because it will amuse me. And if I'm not even on the ballot, I'll stand behind a 7-point plan to kamikaze into Poland, which I will make up and outline if it comes to that.

Friends, the argument for joining ONE is simple: they are strong and winning. Debate it, I dare you.

Now, my friends, I'm sure you're all wondering what my economic policy is. It is simple. Income tax at 23%, VAT at 15%, import at minimum. Why the high taxes? Because we need to supply our soldiers. This game revolves around war, you know. 23% income tax is entirely livable. I've lived like that for 2 years, and I can tell you will complete certainty that my wife and children eat nearly every day. Also, everyone should be in a commune anyways, and if they're not, then you're doing it wrong.

My friends, if we want to hold the Irish menace down as they deserve to be held, this is a tax policy that will give us wins. With 4 opportunities to fight every day, we're actually doing ourselves a disservice by not taking in taxes like we're King George the somethingorother. Taxation without representation? Hell yeah! You want to complain? Hold still and observe while I bite on my thumb, you ungrateful wanker. We shouldn't hold ourselves back any longer, my friends.

This, my friends, is our time. We only get to redcoat every 2 years, so let's make this 15 minutes mean something.

~This article was brought to you by the Emerick for Congress campaign. To make donations to this cause, please send the money directly to Emerick for immediate consumption~